Help me!! My Boyfriend is married!!!?

Question

I have been seeing this guy for about 9 months, and the longer we see together, the more I fall in love with him. But he is married, and has no intentions of leaving his wife. He says it's for his children, but I am not sure. We have gone out of town together numerous times and spend a lot of time together. He says he loves me, and I know how I feel about him, but I am torn on what to do. Do I stick it out or do I walk away?? HELP!!!

For those of you that askedy why I got involved. Yes, I knew he was married. BUT SHE had left him. SHe packed up everything and left. And he is worried taht she will take their children out of state and he will have little time with them. It is far more complex and deep than any of you are considering. Yes, I have thought about leaving him, but it's just something I am having a difficult time with. We have spent holidays together, we see each other on a daily basis. It's not like we are in "HIDING"! We do have a relationship, but I am beginning to feel the strain of the whole taboo stigma this relationship carries!
I strongly believe that he loves me, I don't think that is a lie. He has been there for me through some very rough moments, held me while I cried, and helped me deal with personal issues. That is why I am so indecisive when it comes to breaking it off. It's not so much about sex. Our relationship has never strictly been about sex.

Answer 1

You really need to walk away from this situation...as hard as it may be, it is the right and only thing to do. trust me. it would def. be a different story if he was willing to leave his wife, kids or no kids, i take that as a lame excuse, because we live in a country where divorce is so common, and the kids are NEVER left behind in any way...he will still see them all the time, and they could come over and spend the nite.... sure, for a few months the kids would be upset, but like everything else in life, they would get used to the idea of divorce, and eventurally love the idea of having 2 birthdays, 2 christmas's, ect...

it sounds like this guy is using you for the sex....sorry for the blunt terms...but honestly, because married men cheat for one reason and one reason only: they are in love with their wifes, but she can no longer sexually satisify the husband.
so he keeps her because he is in love with his wife and mother of his children, but goes out to fullfill his sexual desires, elsewhere, with someone who can strickly do that and that alone....this is where you come in, and because us woman fall in love quickly and sentimentally, you love him, and your not feeling the same exact amount of devotion back....

i think he is playing you...using you, and either way, if he doesnt plan on leaving his wife, then you need to step up and leave him...you deserve better, and you def. dont deserve the heartbreak that is in your near future...do the right thing, for yourself. your better than this...

good luck to you.

Answer 2

Why would you ever start a relationship with a person who is already taken???? you need to ask yourself that question.

You have answered your own question. He will never leave his wife, he is living a double life, and YOU are hurting yourself more and more each day. Please leave this man. He isn't doing any of you any favours.

Even if he did leave his wife .. trust would always be an issue for you both after all you met him while married, and you are the OTHER WOMAN. He would more then likely cheat on you too. After all he is doing it right now. Plus his wife would take him to the cleaners, cheating on a spouse is a big no-no. Why get married?????

You don't know what happens behind closed doors, you don't live in the house. You are only hearing one side of the story. His wife has no idea what is going on, think about how she and the kids will feel once they find out. He can only hide this for so long.

Please walk away you have too this isn't right or fair to you at all. The only honest thing he has done is told you he is married.. THAT'S IT.

Answer 3

I had to answer this one. Why would you stick it out? Don't you have dreams of your own. This man is having his cake and eating it too and you are helping him. You know he is not going to leave his wife. And if he is telling you that he is not sleeping with her or that he doesn't love her the way he loves you, he is dishing you a crock of you know what. You are the sidekick and he's loving it. I can bet his wife has no idea that there's anything wrong. He's staying with her for the children? Yeah right!

If I were you, I would kick him to the curb and start working on healing. And never, ever go with a married man again. Do you know what you are doing. These men take a vow to be faithful to the woman they marry then they cheat as if it's their perogative. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. Imagine you fall in love with a man, you marry him then he has an affair for months and you know nothing about it. How would you feel? This guys a jerk. He deserves to lose you and his wife.

Step back! Don't be a part of this deceit. Save yourself from getting more involved. Believe me, you are more into this guy than he is into you. If he really loved you, then his wife would not be an issue. But she is and she should be.

Answer 4

He is probably staying married because of the children yes i think this is a very honest answer and a truthful one.. he would probably love to say hey ill leave for u but he knows he has to be responsible for the sake of the children and provide them with an income and security and a DECENT man would stay for those reasons alone.. even if he does not love his wife. He stays for the reasons of commitment to his children. ones he heloed bring into the world.. but deep down inside he is craving the company and sex of a woman he desires. because in his hear t he has given this up for his children. Maybe his wife has screwed around and made him sad, maybe his wife nags and yells maybe he has lost love for her. But you do need to say ok hes being honest with me and thats commendable hes telling me how it is... but then again...at some point you will become more involved in him and need more of his company and i expect you wont ever get that.. unless u leave and he searches u out and finds u and leave shis wife. That is the only way you will ever know for sure if he misses u and cant live this lie any longer. if not and he does not make any moves for a future with u then im afraid all you have is good memories and a really deep sadness that he is stuck in his situation. One u cant fix by yourself. Sorry...i know this hurts.,.

Answer 5

First of all, lets be real, he's not your boyfriend, because being boyfriend/girlfriend implies exclusivity, and you don't have that because he has someone else he sleeps with but you.
You are NEVER going to get what you want, namely a real relationship with him. He obviously has the best of both worlds right now, and you're willing to let him have that. How does that make you feel? YOu have to ask yourself what it is you want in your life and you have to be honest and realistic otherwise you'll just settle for being someone's diversion.

Life is way too short, you deserve something better. He's not the only fish in the sea AND if you did leave, he'll find someone else to replace you. He is emotionally unavailable to you and that is not fair to you. At the end of the day, he doesn't love you, he loves how you make him feel. Big diffference.

Be good to yourself and find something you can have something special with and who is emotionally available to you. best of luck

Answer 6

Dear Karla k
Your problem is your dependence on your boyfriend. You think your source of pleasure ,happiness is your boyfriend.
But the truth is something different!!!
Today in this modern world .we will see everything that can give us sensual pleasure. But the real source of happiness is never something out there , rather it is in us. The real cause for your suffering is due to this same reason. I would suggest you forget him. BUT forgetting someone in really too difficult. I am giving u the best way to be free from pain.
We suffer from pain (about past relationship etc) becoz we remain unaware of ourselves.
Why?
Becoz these painful thoughts are dark forces which come into action when the person is unconscious of himself/herself. U r suffering becoz u r actually unconscious of them.At a particular time a painful thought comes u r carried away by it.
Instead of doing this i suggest u to STAY ANCHORED with consciousness. This means when pain comes ,just try to be aware of it. SEE what they r trying to tell u?
Now u may ask me that for how many days i have to be conscious of these passinf thougths.
My answer is,don't thing of future becoz future is not something that will happen 2morrow,rather it is something that is going to happen to u after every 1 second.
Hope u will feel relaxed!!

Answer 7

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING!!!! WALK AWAY!!
And if it was "JUST" for the kids then he wouldn't be spending all his time with you he should be spending it with his kids.
Don't be the home wrecker let someone else have that responsibility. You should be smarter then that.
HE IS NEVER GOING TO LEAVE HIS WIFE!! and you may never know his wife could be the sweetest lady ever!
If you ever got cheated on then you would know how it feels and if the wife has any clue he's cheating on her you know how she feels.
My mother always told em not to mess with the married men!
And I never did.
Just think of it this way, even if he did leave his wife for you, and if you 2 got married would he do it to you too?
ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER!!!!

Answer 8

No, Karla. You need to leave. He is married and you are not listening to what he is telling you. He told you he is married and not leaving his wife and kids. Why would you want a man that is a cheater anyway? Don't you know that even if he left his wife for you that he will cheat on you, too? Put yourself in his wife's place. How would you like a husband like him? You need to get out now and make better decisions in the future unless you want your life to be lonely and unhappy. Full of chaos, too. Good luck.

Answer 9

Easy answer....leave. You don't really love him. You just want control and you have none if he is married to someone else. I bet that you knew he was married the whole time. Get a man you love based on love and not how much money he makes then you will find true love. Until then the pain is just gonna keep coming. So either beat yourself up by being with someone who is obviously using you because your using him or go find a real relationship based on honesty and truth.

Answer 10

Okay, first of all.. he is not your "boyfriend" he is another woman's husband! You know this, and you continue to see him. How on earth can you even think that you can trust him or believe anything he says?? He promised to love his wife and be with only her, for the rest of his life, and well, you're living proof that he didn't fullfil that promise. He is a liar, and and a cheat! You are no better, and as far as I am concerned.. if you choose to stay with him, you deserve every bit of heartache that comes your way.

I'll never understand people like you..