Will I put my family at risk?

Question

I am a Captain in the Air Force and i have been offered a special operations helicopter pilot position. this is the job I have dreamed about, but i have a newborn and a wife of 2 years. will this job ultimately ruin my relationship?
My wife says she understands but she keeps telling me that she doenst want to be a widow at 24, and on top of that a single mother.
Is there any way I can explain to her that everything will be ok?

Answer 1

As an Army wife I can certainly see where your wife is coming from but I can also see where you are coming from. You and your wife need to sit down and discuss this job opportunity. Make a list of the pros and cons of taking the job and then discuss them. I understand that this job is a dream come true but you must look at how your wife sees it and how its effecting her. She is young and does not want to be a widow, specially with a new baby.

The military is a hard lifestyle for alot of women to accept. And not all women can handle being the wife of a military person.. Its a hard, lonely and stressful lifestyle to live though.

Sit down and talk to your wife. Close your mouth and clear out your ears and sit and listen lovingly and carefully ash she shares her concerns, fears and thoughts on this job offer that you want so bad. Look at your family and ask yourself it the dream job is worth losing your wife and possibly kids.

Jobs come and go but family sticks together.

Best of luck to you in this difficult decision.

Answer 2

You are one of the lucky few who have a job they truly enjoy... And then finally getting the dream part of it. No you should do this.

I hear what she is saying but at the same time there is no such "Safe job” Explain to her.......sitting at your desk, driving to work, getting groceries.... Anything.... can happen... People who work on rigs have a higher chance of getting killed.....Your job has some security... For example if you crash they will come and get you... Not leave you there...... Also there is a pension if something was to happen.... Mine died in a car crash coming home from work... 3 km’s away from home, blacked out at 33 years of age. Why? Because he hit his chin at work the day before, this caused slow internal bleeding.

You know there could be another reason too why ... she could be worried another will try to woo-you... after all women do love a man in uniform and if this new job takes you away for long periods at a time. She may have some concerns of you cheating, leaving for another...

I don’t know if she keeps say it or not.... if so.....I think she is over reacting and playing a guilt trip. She married you when you where already in the forces. If it was me... sure I would be worried and let you know how I feel about it.. Shows how much you cared for... I would never ever try to use it as leverage to get you to refuse it.

Answer 3

Maybe other wives (from the current base's Officer Wives Club, for example) could help her deal with the issues that she will be facing.
It's not easy, but it can be done. You have to ask yourself: if you give up this opportunity, would you resent it and ruin your marriage anyway? Or, if you take it, can your wife really handle what it entails?
If one or both of you are on good terms with other family members, that can help a lot too. While you are deployed, being able to live with parents or siblings, or near them, is a help to many military spouces.
It's time for you and your wife to have a real conversation, about each other's goals in life and what each is really willing to do to support the other. Don't listen just to find the words that make you feel better about what you want to do; listen to hear. If you care. It doesn't mean you have to give up your dreams, but the answer to your questions lies in your relationship and how each of you feels and the feelings you encourage in each other.

Most of all, don't try to explain to her that it all be OK, because she'll know you are lying. She knows you know that you can't promise that. Tell her why this is important to you and let her know that you appreciate how hard it is for her and how much you love it that she supports you in your dreams.

Answer 4

Are you thinking of your family? Cause there is no safe place right now. We are at war. Then again your wife and you knew the risk of having children right now and she knew the risk of marrying a man who is in the Air Force. So if this is some thing you need to do to protect your country then it is your obligation to our country. Your wife needs to understand, that check she gets is for you doing your job the same as the other men you serve with.

Answer 5

Tell her you could be a civilian and get hit by a bus. She'd be a widow at 24.
Tell her you'll be careful. You won't take any unnecessary risks.
But you MUST do what makes you happy in your career or you will end up resenting her.

The "widow" argument is just foolish. My grandmother was a widow at 25, single mother to FIVE kids, and her husband was not in the Air Force. He died of a heart attack at his "safe" job.

Answer 6

my hubby is in a stryker brgd. and they are getting ready to leave im 28 and we have a special needs child i worry all the time but i know (and pray) things will be ok theres a risk in all jobs . my hubbys been on 2 deployments and this is his third im always scared but its his life long dream and i married him knowing hes in the milatary so hope it helped and tell your wife theres always someone to talk to

Answer 7

I know how afraid she is of the possibilities, but it will make you a better person to fullfill your dreams.
It's very hard for both of you. She needs to find her bravery in accepting this, just as you found yours when you put yourself out there in the first place.
Good luck, and God bless.