My friend often says "Oh god i'm gay" when she's said something stupid, or something she regrets saying, using it in the way of "I'm an idiot". But this time she wasn't joking and I've offended her by saying "no you're not" thinking she meant it in the idiot way. I've told her I didn't mean it that way and that i didn't mean to offend her and asked her what I can say and she says she doesn't care anymore. To make it worse just after it had happened I signed out of Msn to talk on the phone because I had to take a message and put it on paper. She thought I'd blocked her and kept calling me a homophobe, which I'm not, I have no problems with it, if she likes the same sex I'm fine with that, love is love, after all.
What can I do to make it up to her? She'll be at school tommorrow and I don't know what to do or say to her. Please help!
2007-04-15 02:22:15 · 34 answers · asked by K 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
You sound like a great friend - I wish more of my friends were like you when I came out at school!
If you think your friend won't listen to you tomorrow or you won't get a chance to talk to her, why don't you write her a letter tonight?
Just explain that your MSN cut off because you needed to use the phone. Tell her everything you're telling us. And point out that you're offended that she's called you a homophobe (she's over reacting and being quite melodramatic and rude!). Tell her that you don't care what gender she prefers - like you say, love is love. Above all, make sure to reassure her that you'll keep it in confidence and that you're always there to talk to and that you're honoured that she chose to tell you.
Don't crawl to her though - she's done something wrong here and you haven't. You accidentally cut off from MSN - she called you a homophobe for God's sake! Something about that doesn't seem right to me.... it seems like attention seeking. So make your apologies etc. but if she's still milking it, let her get on with it. Gay or straight, she can't walk all over you.
If she decides to come out, she'll probably need all the friends like you that she can get - so I'm sure she'll see sense once she knows the full story. Don't worry hun, you'll make up.
xx Emmie
2007-04-15 13:47:32 · answer #1 · answered by Sparklepop 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-03 00:40:53 · answer #2 · answered by linnon 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will she talk to you if you call her? That would be the first step. If she won't talk to you, send her an email. Offer a sincere apology explaining it wasn't your intention to offend her. Explain that you thought she was joking like she always does. Ask for her forgiveness and let her know you enjoy her company and would like to continue being friends.
Beyond that, the ball's in her court. If she's joked about it in the past and is now sensitive about it, she is most likely going through something that's causing the new sensitivity. There are a couple of possibilities. It could be she's into you and was testing the waters. It could also be that someone said or did something that is causing her to feel bad about being gay. I'm guessing she hasn't come out yet and it could be she's struggling with whether or not she should.
If your friendship is a solid one, time will help. Offer your heartfelt apology and your wish to continue the friendship. Give her some space to process her feelings and let her know you're there for her. Once she figures things out for herself, she'll come back.
2007-04-15 02:35:48 · answer #3 · answered by innerradiancecoaching 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would try to talk to her, to explain again ( in private ), but if she refuses to hear u out, I would send her an IM or an e-mail. Keep on her if she really means that much 2 u as a friend. She probably needs u just as much right now, so whatever u do, don't give up on your friendship.
If she won't return any of your messages, you might have to resort to writing her a letter and sticking it in her locker or something.
I'm sure she knows that u were joking, and feel really bad, if nothing else works, maybe she just needs some time to cool off and realize you will always be on her side.
I'm so sorry that u have to go through this, it's really hard, but I think she will come around.
Good Luck!
2007-04-15 02:35:57 · answer #4 · answered by phanti 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's been trying to tell you for some time by using the ''God I'm gay'' thing, that was silly of her to do as firstly, it implies gay people are stupid which isn't true and secondly she made it into a joke so how on earth were you ever supposed to take her seriously?
Get in touch with her and let her know that you support her and that you have no problem with her sexuality, she must be having a hard time coming out, be there for her.
2007-04-15 02:30:34 · answer #5 · answered by Nickynackynoo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You just need to explain to her what you have said here... and also add that if you were a homophobe you wouldn't be making the effort to try and make things up with her.
Maybe write her a letter... but be very sure that no one else will read it, as she might not want every one else to know about it.. maybe take it to her house and just say to her " i'm really sorry there has been a misunderstanding between us and i don't want us to fall out, please read this letter." sometimes it is easier to explain yourself in a letter as you can think carefully about what to say.
I am sure she will come around.
You know, she was probably all psyched up to get a bad reaction of people that she has picked up what you said in a negative way...
You will be fine, and you sound like a great friend to have and your friend will realise this.
Good luck
2007-04-15 02:29:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well first, you should sign back on to MSN. If she is still online you should IM her right away. Tell her you're sorry for being like that, but since she always kids around about being gay you didnt know she was serious. Also tell her that being gay is perfectly okay, and that alot of people are gay. Be there to comfort her. Just imagine being in her shoes right now. What would you want her to do?
2007-04-15 02:28:00 · answer #7 · answered by Carlii 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop feeling guilty. Your so-called friend is playing this out too far. Tell her how INSULTED you are in her calling you homophobic! That was a low blow... keep your chin up and if she can't accept your apology, she was never a friend in the first place. Remember, friends never have to say they're sorry! and a true friend would have told you her preference and not joked about it in such a way that you were given the impression that she was "just joking". You will have lots and lots of friends as you grow - so don't sweat it!.
2007-04-15 02:31:31 · answer #8 · answered by peaches 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Email her a link to this question?
Stop feeling so bad... how were you meant to know what she meant? She's the one been using the term in a homophobic way all this time!
Sounds like it can only be sorted by talking, though... is she really thinking she's gay (ie she likes someone) or was she just winding you up? Maybe phone her?
2007-04-15 10:20:31 · answer #9 · answered by internits 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not really your fault if shes been saying the same line for ages as a joke. how are you to know she was trying to tell you she was gay that time? You need to give her some space-send her an email saying it doesn't bother you but you wish she hadn't just blurted it out . tell her she will always be your friend no matter what and leave the ball in her court. I think she has over reacted and you shouldn't apologise
2007-04-15 07:23:35 · answer #10 · answered by Ems 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋