How do I deal with knowing my husband wants to have sex with a prostitute while overseas on business?

Question

He is there on business and all of his colleagues are cheating on their spouses as well. He says he did it because he had to close a deal and to be one of the boys. He did say he wanted to try it as well. He proclaims his love for me everytime we talk and says it is not personal it just a guy/business thing. He thought this may happen before he left so he talked to me about it. As he and I have a very honest relationship, he felt it important to tell me. Apparently, this is the culture and how business works there. When I talk to him at night, he is very drunk and tells me it is hard to resist girls throwing themselves at him and he hasn't YET because they are not his type. If he's going to mess up, he wants it to be worth it. I love him so much but I don't know if I can deal with this mentally and I kow if I get angry at him about it, it will just push him to do it further.

Answer 1

Him knowing you can live with his adultry will only allow him to do it more. Get on with your life while you still have one.

Answer 2

Start a different tact. Point out that if he has relations over there, that he will have to be checked for STD's when he gets back.

Unfortunately, there isn't a lot you can do other than to make him realize that you are an important part of his life and that his dalliances could endanger you, and your relationship with him.

The girls that are throwing themselves at him may be doing so more for the money than the sex. As long as they get him drunk enough, they don't have to do anything to earn their keep.

Sorry I don't have any (legal) magic ideas that would stop him from doing whatever he wants.

Answer 3

I kind of agree with you here. He should just relieve himself in an auto erogenous way. Aside from the potential STDs he can bring back and share with you, he is not living up to his half of the contract, which I assume you are living up to. In this regard, not to put too fine of a legalistic point on it, he is in breach of contract.

That said, if you "love him so much" then perhaps you can love him enough to actually take some pleasure in his own joy. Like I said, I don't think you should be expected to feel that way, since, after all, you are resisting whatever temptation may come along for you, but sometimes one loves the other more than that other loves you. The fact that he gets drunk should set off some alarm bells. He is conflicted and needs to be numbed by the effects of alcohol. Perhaps he misses you and this is his compensation. On the one hand I would encourage empathy, but on the other hand I would advocate a keen eye into if he is being a selfish jerk without consideration for your feelings. As this is not an uncommon trait for men, it is worthy of some consideration. If he does love you, then he should be able to accommodate some parameters set by you in the interest of your own emotional well being. In other words, stand up for yourself. Do not tolerate chauvinism.

Answer 4

first he says he did it because the others were doing it, then he says he didn't "yet". Right. he has done it. Now, what do you do. enough of this so called honesty thing. we all want to be honest with the one we love. however, he is using this as a pass-he tells you that he is only "being honest", and you are supposed to roll over. don't buy it!! You both made vows. Both of you. not just one or the other. tell him that when he comes home he has to have blood tests for sexual diseases before you and he can have relations, and get counseling now--also line up an attorney--honey,this in not a game--this could be your life be smart

Answer 5

It is like this....no matter where it is.....if he loves you he will not do it, if he values you and your marriage in anyway what so ever. I know that I would not take if well at all, and I would leave. And to have sex with a prostitute......ain't no way.....remember these girls have been with hundreds of men, and I am certain that they have something that cannot be washed off.....so sex would be over with hubby until he was checked out thoroughly, and got a clean bill of health from an aids test for 1 year. So if he wants to play these are the consequences. You have every right to protect your own life and health.....if he contract aids.....it is very easy to give it to you.

Answer 6

Your husband is a F***ing PIG!!! Have you no self worth? Or are you so taken with him and insecure that you buy into this B**S***? I can tell you right now his is doing the wild thing every nite with every %% that gives him a lap dance.Business deal?? Hello?
Who is he Ron Jeremy, interviewing girls for pornographic movies?Honey,if your o.k. with your man sleeping around and it doesn't make you feel like your not good enough for him or you believe all the garbage he spills out of his lying mouth and you love him that much,then stay with him,Just know that you can never sleep with him without a condom on and I personally wouldn't kiss him either,eewww......your better then that........that's so sweet he says he loves you,I wonder what he thinks about while he is romping away with some other babes overseas who are riddled with disease,where prostitution is a big way of life,no condom,no problem.He is gonna kill you one way or another.He is a pig and you should dump him.end of story.

Answer 7

a million) the undeniable fact that he informed you protection tension men in many cases try this mutually as over there is in simple terms an excuse. 2) the undeniable fact that there have been 3 prostitutes tell me he felt no be apologetic approximately. i could have a tough time believing him however if he informed me it have been one and it repulsed him. those 2 factors on my own tell me that he's a tremendously **** bloke. i'm able to comprehend intercourse with a prostitute in a fantasy placing. you at the instant are not honestly committing the act yet place enjoying could be truly exciting, this would not say which you're able to honestly do it given the prospect, as maximum folk have morals that come into play. to respond to your question, i could go away him, you're pregnant and thank you to offer delivery, that's no longer a unfastened pass to cheat and neither is vacationing to a much off places u . s ..

Answer 8

You need to leave him. It's not his culture so he does not have to sleep with a hooker to close the deal. The problem is he's a bum and you need to see it. What would he say to you if you slept with another man while he was gone? Say, oh it's a girl's thing, my friends do it all the time. It wouldn't fly. If you still want to be with him fine, but don't live in some fairyland. He slept around because he wanted to. And to be honest, he's probably done it many times before and plans on doing again. Don't let him brainwash you into thinking that it's ok.

Answer 9

1) make sure there are legal documents (house, car, stocks, bonds, etc) in YOUR NAME...if not, have them changed.

2) Start moving small chunks of money to your mother's bank account (or other relative that you trust). Don't do a transfer because that can be traced. Withdraw and get cash and then give it to your mom to save for you. Don't take to much at a time because your husband will notice.

3) Did you sign a pre-nup, if so read it again, get a lawyer and see if there are any loop holes. Make sure the lawyer has no ties to your husband.

4) When you have enough money to take care of yourself and pay your lawyer for the divorce processs....DIVORCE HIS A**

If he feels that much pressure from his business collegues, he could go into the room with the prostitute and not actually have sex. I think your husband is full of crap. And who knows what nasty disease he could bring home to you. GET TESTED.

Look at these but then erase your browser history:
http://www.divorcesource.com/NJ/ARTICLES/oflanagan5.html

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_do_you_divorce_your_husband_in_the_least_expensive_way_if_he_now_lives_in_another_country_and_you_have_no_kids_or_property_together_and_only_know_his_work_and_mother's_address

Answer 10

I'm sorry but that's not ok business or not. hes using the business as an excuse is all. my ex had a business trip years ago and he told me all the guys were cheating on their wives but he didn't and he couldn't bring himself to do it and i did and do believe him. so as with my ex, your husband can show control if he really wanted to. if he tells you again hes thinking about then tell him you will leave him, then you will have flings too. see how he likes the table being turned. and who knows what the hell he would bring home to you. you don't know what the prostitute has and if your husband used protection. I'm sorry but if he did that i would leave him. change all the locks so he cant get in and go straight to an atty's office and file for divorce, you have alot to think about but i hope you don't tolerate this kind of behavior from him. good luck to you. :)

Answer 11

If you said that you have a honest relationship, then i don't see why you cannot be equally honest about your opinion and feelings about this matter?
on your part, can you stand the thought of your husband sleeping with other girls??? i mean it's easy to be sexually attracted to another person and i am sure there are men out there that we would love to sleep with but do we? NO! Why??? because we know that if we love someone we should never hurt the person and it takes a mature, well adjusted person to understand that...clearly if he cannot stand up to peer pressure, maybe it's time to really rethink the marriage and the person that you have married.