To wed - or Not to wed?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 5.5years. we have been on again off again engaged for about 4.5 of those years...right now - we are "off again" in the wedding department. we have lived together for nearly all of the 5.5years (probably like 5years and 2months....). we seperated briefly in the summer for a period of 2months - coincidentally this was also while i was away on buisness in another state....but got back together - coincidentally when i moved back to the city to take another job (there for i never really moved out).

i am on his health insurace - i pay my share of all the bills and stuff - we love each other.... but - i am terrified of the actual "marriage" deal.

we are relatively young - i am 25, he is 31. i love him...and he loves me...but i cant seem to bring myself to take it to the next level...hes a nice guy - im a nice girl... but it sort of seems like there might be a possibility we might not be "nice enough" for each other?

What to do????

Answer 1

What you do depends on what you want. You say you love him, but probably not enough that you want to marry, and spend the rest of your life with him. So, are you hoping we have some magic potion to make you love him more? Since you don't want to marry this guy, is it the guy, or the concept of marriage? You are 25, and yes, that is young. But, it isn't young to be starting a family. Do you want to have children? So, what am I telling you? You've been in this relationship all your adult life. If you aren't in love(marrying love) yet, it isn't likely to change. So, either end this relationship, so you can be free to meet new people that you may fall in love with, or live as a single woman, even if you live with your friend forever.

Answer 2

Not wed. You asked, I answered honestly. And not for the reasons you might think. Reason being, is that you both don't exactly know what you want....you want what is comfortable, and that's the two of you being room mates. People who are truly in love don't have the on again/off again engagement. Nor do they stay engaged for so long without an actual wedding. Add on to the fact that you are on here asking complete strangers for life altering advice and you are setting yourself up for failure before it ever has a chance to begin. You have doubts, and those doubts have kept your from getting married. That should be a bright red flag right there sweetie. Sure you may be the sweetest girl and he could be the greatest of men, but that doesn't mean you are right for each other. I don't know what it is, or it isn't for that matter, but something about the chemistry between the two of you is really off. In other words, something is missing. WHen you are about to marry "the one", you won't have that. That person will complete you and not have you second guessing.

I haven't told you anything you don't already know. Nor do I have a crystal ball telling you if it's going to work or not. All I can do is play devil's advocate and say the things you were already thinking. In life and love there is no magic formula. Two really nice people don't always have the happy ending. Sure it helps, but it's not what keeps a marriage together. You need that spark honey....and it just doesn't sound like it's there.

Either way, you are going to find love in this life. We all do at one point in time. And when we do....we know it's right and we just do it....we don't ask for the input of others.

Answer 3

You two just need to talk. Stop beating around the bush. If that type of relationship works for the two of you then great. People get married because they want to spend the rest of their lives with someone and have a family. I think you both just need to figure out where you are going whether it's together or apart. "Nice Enough" doesn't cut it. And your not being honest with yourself.

Answer 4

I'm trying to assess if is it the relationship that is shaky, or is it your fear towards "being married" that is holding you back. I think it maybe a combination of both, but more so that your confidence to get married is hinged upon how you feel about your relationship. You need to feel strongly confident about your relationship first, howeverlong it takes, you would know when the right time comes..follow and trust your woman's instincts. Think of a relationship as a live person. do both nurture it, or starve it? or think of it as a throphy. Is is shiny, something you are proud of and show of, or do you put it in a shelf and forget about it? Good luck!!!!

Answer 5

It doesn't seem like you guys are on the road to success. My husband and I separated once before we were married, and it lasted about three months, although we continued to live together (separate bedrooms).

I would not get into a marriage with him. Try some pre-marital counseling before you make any final decisions. It's usually offered through a church or a local community center.

Good luck,
Bachmanette

Answer 6

I would suggest that you read the book "Are You The One For Me ?" by Barbara De Angelis. This book will help you to understand the different levels of commitment, whether he is the right person for you, the good qualities in a person, etc.
This book can give you the insight you need to determine if you are nice enough for each other.

Answer 7

well you are practically married by living with him all these years, whats the big deal of sealing it with a peice of paper. does he want to make it legal? i think you are afraid because you know you cant just get up and leave this time, after you marryyou ahve to just deal with him and get over your problems, this way it is easy because you dont have to make it work out for nothing . when you are married you have to make it work for your marriage. it is easy to be boyfriend and girlfriend but it is hard work to keep a marriage working right. i say if yo ucant handle the boyfriend girlfriend thing now what makes you thhink you can hadle the marriage thing. you cant just break up when you are married. think about it really hard. good luck!

Answer 8

it is relatively your call. final year i replaced into in a marriage that replaced into out of city, so replaced into my older daughter so we desperate to take the full family contributors. My better half's mom (mom of the bride) hinted around at us getting a sitter for the truthfully wedding ceremony. yet because of the fact we've been out of city and did not be attentive to the babysitter in my opinion we weren't mushy doing that. The bride knew we've been bringing our 2 youthful toddlers and replaced into high-quality with it. on the time our sons have been 8 months old and 3. My husband replaced into with them in any respect circumstances. We desperate against bringing them to the truthfully practice consultation because of the fact we did not see the ingredient in it. all of us went to the dinner after as a family contributors. We made specific that they had eaten and had a protracted nap late interior the day so as that they may well be rested and with a bit of luck not fussy later that night. It wasn't a concern in any respect. We introduced alongside some small toys, and snacks for them. We left till now than maximum the visitors because of the fact they have been getting drained yet they weren't in any respect disruptive.if that they were we would have taken them out to the main corridor of the eating place and then made an early go out. on the marriage my husband replaced into with them and sat interior the very back row ideal next to the main go out. He had fruit snacks and Gerber puffs in his pocket, and additionally you probably did not pay attention a peep from the kiddos. We knew ahead of time the ceremony may well be short. (decrease than half-hour) back they have been quiet and did not scream or cry or something. Had there been any concern we could have been in a position to get exterior in decrease than a minute. it is relatively as much as you. i think of that's a very own decision.

Answer 9

You have thrown away 5.5 years of your life and look at where it has gotten you. I would move out right now. It doesn't sound like he is the person you should marry, if you have been engaged for 4.5 years and still have not made it down the aisle.

Answer 10

u know what??? marriage is not for everyone.... if u and him r both happy with the way ur relationship is then i say keep it the way it is...... why mess up a good thing? if it works fo ru two then it works..... u guys sound like u very much love each other so keep it that way.... u will know when u r ready to wed....(if u ever r) and if u arent then that is fine too!!!! good luck