I am about 7 weeks pregnant...abortion or no abortion?

Question

I was at the abortion clinic today with my boyfriend, and at the last minute I backed out of the procedure. Mainly because I was scared that I would regret my decision, the procedure would be painful (they use a metal contraption to dialate the cervix), and I do not want to become infertile. I know the chances of me becoming infertile are very rare.. but I do not have any kids and I would love to have kids in the future when I am ready.
reasons for my confusion:
1. I am a law student do not want to delay my studies and I want to graduate on time. I am not sure if I can still go to class 8 months pregnant and the baby will be due around finals. Is it possible to have a baby and still prepare for finals?
2. Although I will be getting married to my boyfriend, we are both not financially prepared. I am a student and he is recovering from student loans.
3. I am 26 years old and that is not too young to have a baby. I plan to have a kid in two years or so anyway. what should I do?

Answer 1

You have a tough choice to make. If it is so hard to make the choice maybe it might help to write down all the pro's and con's on paper. If the two of you want to start a life together then think of how things will affect you after that. Can your parents or his help out with the baby? You will not be the first to have a baby and still finish school and start a career. It's harder yes but it can be done. I will tell you now that you should probably not even think of adoption because you will get attached to the baby especially if you will marry your boyfriend. Can you live with yourself knowing that your child is somewhere out there in the world raised by someone else, I couldn't. Financially you will find a way to raise a baby. Yes there are allot more expenses but then again you can always find other things to cut out. Talk it out with your boyfriend and make your decision on how you both feel. If the decision is to abort and you strongly feel that is what you have to do then you should not have any regrets in the future.

Good luck with your decision and if you do decide to abort don't look back with regrets. Deal with it and move on. Live for your future not your past.

I would like to make a comment to all you pro-life people. Get a life. It is every woman's choice to do as she wishes with her body. You, the church or god will not raise the child for other people.

Answer 2

Ok start listening to facts. There are some uneducated people on here spewing their filthy BS because they have been brainwashed by their church and parents. Here are some true facts. Abortion ISN'T murder. Look up the definition of murder and it doesn't fit. A fetus isn't a baby. That is a hardcore scientific fact that some pro-lifers can't get past A fetus DOESN'T feel anything. It doesn't have a functioning brain until late third trimester. It can't move or cry or anything. It is a fetus for Christ's sake! At 7 weeks the fetus is just a cluster of cells. It only REALLY starts developing into a baby after 12 weeks. A birth alone can cost up to 10 thousand dollars and more if there are complications. It is your body an not your boyfriend's. What if he leaves you? It doesn't seem like you have been together for that long. Here is how you tell your boyfriend. "You know I love you very much but I feel that this is my body and my choice. I don't want this baby and I am sorry if you do, but we can have a baby when both of us are a little more financially stable and ready to take care of it. I don't think we are ready to support a living child just yet. Just the cost of pregnancy alone can put us out on the street. Before 12 weeks there is virtually no risk for me. I know that you might have heard a lot about abortion but here are the facts (if you want specific facts you can contact me and ask questions). I hope you understand why I think that abortion is the best choice for us at this time."

Answer 3

Think about it this way: what if YOU were the baby and your mother was in your situation? And your mother, in this situation, told you tomorrow that she's figured out a way to go back in time and have that abortion, would you be okay with her doing it?

This baby IS a baby. Yes, it may be in its embryonic/fetal stage, but it's still living and human. There are those who try to deny its humanity, but every living thing has a life cycle and this embryo/fetus is a living part of that life cycle.

Re: question #1: Where there's a will, there's a way. Check with the college about what would happen if you had to miss class because you'd had the baby. When I was in first year university, there was a pregnant girl in one of my classes. It must have been late September, she was gone for a few days then back at class.

Re: question #2: My dh and I thought we weren't financially prepared to handle a baby when we became unexpectedly pregnant our first year of marriage (student loans, I was having difficulty finding a job). Things worked out. It means pinching here and there and accepting things from others and buying 2nd hand baby clothes and stuff like that, but it's definitely possible.

Re: #3: I had my first at 23, so no, you're not too young. We weren't planning on having a child so soon either. But let me tell you: having had my daughter and seeing her grow into a this amazing person is something I could not have had if we'd decided to do the abortion route. There will never be another baby like her; there will never be another baby like the one in you.

I know someone who was 20 or so, same sort of situation as you (although not law school) who panicked and HAD the abortion. She still regrets it. The two women who originally fought to make abortion legal now fight against abortion.

Here are some links for you to read:
http://www.wcr.ab.ca/news/1999/0517/healingwounds051799.shtml

I can't find the other one right now. It was a young woman who survived an abortion. Understandably, she is pro-life. [ADDED: This isn't very clear. This woman was ABORTED when she was a baby. It was a botched abortion and she came out of it alive. She is very grateful for the botch. Grateful to be alive. Don't you think your baby would be, too?]

Just because the baby isn't born yet doesn't make it non-human or not alive.

Answer 4

I think in your heart you really want to keep the baby. All that I just read tells me that you would regret it later. I have heard of women who have had abortions and later couldnt have children because some how the procedure "messed up something". I say keep that lil bundle of joy. It is still very possible to get through school. Depends on how determinded you are. I personally know a girl who was 9 months pregnant during exams. Passed with flying colors and had the baby on graduation day =) If your still unsure. Adoption is the best answer. Millions and Millions of women would love to have the chance to carry a healthy baby. Dont punish the baby. Give the baby all the chances you have. I have a 5 month old and he is worth every second of miserable pregnancy and hard larbor I went through. I never knew I could love someone so much. If I loved him anymore my heart would burst. If you keep this baby im positive you will feel the same. God bless and take care.

Answer 5

Have the kid. Work it out. I don't know you and I'm definitely pro choice, but it sounds to me like you want the kid--or at least like you'll regret aborting it. If that's the case, then your current relationship is off to a rocky start. If you have regrets, you'll end up blaming him. If you have the kid and he's not ready he may end up blaming you--and maybe it won't work out, but I'd imagine that'd still be better than you blaming yourself. And speaking from experience of a guy being scared because he doesn't think he's ready, if he truly loves you and he's a good guy, he'll step up to the plate and scared or not, a part of him will be excited and proud to be the father or your child. If not, maybe you should rethink your relationship. Either way, sensible or not, you need to go with your gut--or maybe your heart in this case. Speak with your professors and college counselor. You might be able to get an extension, take make-ups, or work something out. And again, I'm pro-choice--but something--someone--as important as your own child is definitely worth putting your heart a little above your head--at least under these circumstances. You weren't raped. You're not under 18. And you apparently love the dad. Things happen for a reason. Whatever you decide, I wish you both--all--the best.

Answer 6

Babies don't need much, money-wise. They're actually very cheap... you get free food for the first 6-12 months and diapers and clothes are pretty easy to come by cheap. You could probably even do without a second bedroom for the first year or two... my son sleeps with us most of the time anyhow, his room just holds toys! :)

Money should not be a real concern.

I would be more concerned that an abortion would send you into a depression durring this important and busy time in your life. I have known too many girls have an abortion and then go into a deep depression afterward. It's not natural and can be very damamging to your phyche and hormones.

I do agree with the person who asked how much time you would have to devote to a newborn, while trying to build a career... even 2 years from now, babies need thier mommies. You can't "have it all". I would seriously consiter putting off finishing school or starting your career until your kids are in gradeschool, at least. The first 4 or 5 years of thier lives are some of the most important when it comes to bonding and learning about trust and healthy relationships.

I also agree that an abortion might drive a wedge between you and your boyfriend. Its a terrible thing, not only for the baby, but for the parents as well.

Answer 7

Ultimately it is your decision, but I do not think that you should go through with it. I mean, 2 close friends of mine went to get an abortion but when they heard the baby's heartbeat...they couldn't go through with it. And one of my friends, found out that it would be 2 babies dead. I mean, I know that you have a lot going on, with school and everything, but it can be done. I went through a similiar experience, but never considered abortion. I mean, it was not easy but...in the end all went well. And God made a way for us.
(1) Law school is pretty heavy. Still go to school and graduate. I think that you will be able to do it. People have done it. The excitement of finally meeting your baby that was living inside of you is remarkable. It is the best feeling ever.
(2) Bills will always be there...so don't fret about the student loans. A baby is a huge bill, but family and friends will help out, I'm sure of it.
(3) Planning when you have a child can be great but not all the time. One of my close friends tried that and now that she and her husband have the perfect home, careers etc....now she is having the hardest time getting pregnant and has had some bad luck with expensive IVFs and is considering adoption. Getting pregnant is not east. My husband and I were married for 2 years and nothing happened after trying for so long.

In the end you know what is best for you. You backed out for a good reason. That counts for something right. And who knows, your kid could be anything...the doctor who cures cancer or diseases...or someone really inportant...do you really wanna risk that and have that on your conscience? Your parents didn't abort you...Think hard about it. Think hard.

Answer 8

I can't make the decision for you, but I would like to point out that I know many good, loving parents were not ready for children when they came, but made it work anyway. I was 24, just graduated, I had no money and neither I nor my husband had professional jobs lined up. It was a terrible time to have a baby, but we worked hard to make it work. I remember typing out cover letters until 2AM, knowing that baby would wake for her next meal around 3AM. My point is, don't let financial issues prevent you from starting a family. You can do whatever you want, as long as you're willing to work hard. You can go to class pregnant, write papers instead of taking exams, accept a few months of public assistance like Healthy Start or WIC. You can do it if you want to, but only you can decide if you want to change your plans and have a baby a year early or not. Good luck.

Answer 9

I do not believe in abortion but you have to make that decision for yourself. I fell like it is murder. I could never do it. I'm not in your shoes so I can not judge you but it is not a decision you should take lightly. I have been trying to get pregnant for eight years with no luck. I know someone would love to adopt a newborn baby out there because when you want to adopt there is a long wait for a baby or you have to be rich to get one fast. There is open adoption where you can meet the family your baby will be going to and in some cases you can have contact as the baby grows up. There is also closed adoption where the baby can be placed with a family with no contact. Something you need to keep in mind is if you choose to have and keep your baby there is always a way if you want something bad enough. It won't be easy to go to school, take care of a baby and financially make it but you can do it if you put your mind to it. Talk to the counselor at school tell her you situation and ask her about finals. Ask her if the baby would come during finals would you be able to make them up. Find out all the answers to your questions and then decide what would be best for you to do. The most important thing is don't let anyone make your decision for you. You will be the on that has to live with what ever decision you make so make it for yourself.

Answer 10

I'm pro-choice but honestly, I think in your case you would regret your decision. If you are planning on having a kid in a couple years anyway...
And my fiance and I are currently in school. He works and I don't. My son is 6 weeks old and I took fall and winter quarters off due to morning sickness and my son was due around finals. The winter finals were March 12, 13, and 14 and he was born on March 5th (due on the 12th) My fiance was able to prepare for finals after the baby was born so you could probably do it too. ANd it's not like your professors won't let you make up a final if you are recovering from childbirth. Also, we're doing fairly well financially even though he's the only one working. From what you have said, I honestly think you could do it without delaying school and without too much financial trouble. And I think you're right in thinking you would regret an abortion.

Answer 11

Adoption is a great option. Yes you can go to school at the the same time, look how far you have come.If you and your BF decide on adoption there are allot of couples out there that would love to adopt your child. With adoption you can have an open or closed adoption. You can either go through a agency or find some one you know to adopt your baby.

I am adoptive mother of two looking to adopt again and really pray you either decide to keep your child or place the baby for adoption.

GOD LUCK and GOD BLESS