he tells his parents all our problems?

Question

i really dont know what to do we are supposed to be getting married soon but im starting to really not want to everytime we have a problem instead of talking between us he calls his mom and dad and tells them everything i will go to him and tell him how i feel about a situation and he just blows me off ignores me then calls his mom and tells her how i feel i hate this and i cant live with it but he tells me to deal???what do i do it seems that he is unable to keep anything between the two of us????hes even went as far as going to my parents and telling them are whole life stories i hate this because hes always putting me down in the process?heeelp

i would also like to add that he is 26 and i am 25 and i have tried to tell him i dont like that he only talks to his parents about our problems,he has told me i am insecure and if i feel uncomfortable around his parents its my own problem made up in my own head i really love him but this is tearing us apart because i feel i cant trust being honest to him he will just turn around and share my feelings with his family,he also only speaks to them when im not around i dont want to be a crazy but i feel i am loseing it inside woundering why he has to make our relationship so bad to his folks,do you think maybe hes trying to break it off with me in a weird way????

Answer 1

It sounds like he has a self-confidence issue, and needs mommy and daddy's back-up to stand up to you. Chances are, if he isn't willing to try to make a change, he never will. So this is where you decide if you can live happily married to him AND his parents forever, or if you need to call the whole thing off. Some time apart from you may make him realize what a baby he's being.

Answer 2

You need to have a talk with him. Arrange it so he can't just leave and call his or your parents, like during a car trip. Tell him how you feel, and remind him that seeking justification for all of his actions from outside sources only pinpoints how insecure he is. When you have this convo with him try not to condemn or point fingers of blame, try instead to compromise. Surely there are some behaviors that you exhibit that simply don't mesh with his. He too would most likely want to get these things out in the open. There is nothing like a nice long talk, some real communication to clear the air. Just remember it takes two to tango, but only one to really bust a move!

Answer 3

Well, this definitely is a problem. Does not sound good. You really need to sit down and have a serious talk with him. Because, sharing is an important part of marrage and IF you can not solve your problems just you and him and he has to go to others...this will not stop it will only get worse with marrage. Perhaps go see a professional, and IF he does not want to do this perhaps you need to tell him you need some time to think. Perhaps leaving and being apart for a while will open up his eyes and he will miss you. If he does not, then you really need to think twice before taking that last and final step.

Answer 4

I wouldn't put up with this. A relationship is personal...your parents, and his parents don't come to the 2 of you when they have a problem. Tell him he has to grow up and start behaving like a man who's about to get married. If he won't change then I wouldn't marry him personally...you'll never be able to trust him to keep your feelings and problems private. Try talking to him again and if he won't take you seriously then you need to really think if he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. As for putting you down...that's definately wrong. You don't deserve that. Stand up for yourself and tell him how your feeling.

Answer 5

This falls under th "Mommas Boy" scenario. Chances are high that this will not nor never change once youre married until something happens to his parents. Itll probably get worse once married so you have a choice to make now,putup with this crap or get out now and move on . His mother will seem to be more controlling with time and things will really get worse if something happens to his dad before mom,and she is left with only your husband.Not good. Run before you cant, Good luck

Answer 6

Time to talk, big time, there is a decision to be made. Tell him you can't deal with it, if he can't keep things between the two of you then the wedding is postponed. Marrying a mommas boy is a baddddd idea. You will never have any privacy. Sounds like he isn't mature enough to marry yet. Good luck.

Answer 7

Insecure

Answer 8

Wow welcome to my world before and take my words for it I know how you feel when it comes to dealing with in laws. At least your husband is just a jerk mine was and is have a smart mouth that sometimes it hurt when he use it towards me. Like your husband this man I marry also talk to his own family knowing that his family never really like me from the start. They only accept me because I become the wife of their brother. Instead of talking to me he rather talk to stranger about what's going on with us or to his own family. And when he had the affairs his own family said he doesn't need to give away his own dirty laundry. And this family was a strong and close neat family. Now if I were you I will talk to your husband and tell him that his own family is not inside your marriage circle and what ever is going with you needs to be solve by you and him Next time you see your father in law tell him thank you but no thanks. Tell him that his son and you are family now and what ever comes up between the two of you will be solve by you and him. Tell him that the two of you needs to learn how to be a man and wife without interruption from the outside of your marriage...

Answer 9

One of the primary causes for divorce is lack of communication. The two of you need to work out this problem before you get married. He obviously doesn't feel comfortable communicating with you like he sould. (he's not marrying his mom.) If he continues to do this his parents will be in every area of your life at all times and they will have been "invited" making it more difficult to get them out of your issues. Work out the kinks in your relationship now. Marriage doesn't solve problems, it only makes the options more complex.

Answer 10

Arrruugghh... I hate when my business gets aired to everyone! I totally agree with you. Tell him he needs to talk to you about things and work things out between you two and nobdy else. If he says he wont do it tell him how serious you are and you dont want to be in a relationship where you cant deal with your own problems.