Is omission lying?

Question

My husband of 6 years recently ran into an old girlfriend. He told me that they ran into each other, but he didn't tell me that he swaped email addresses and gave her his cell phone number. I found out about it a few weeks later when I came across the emails where he's clearly flirting with her. He also mentions in his emails that she can call him late at night. I confronted him with it and he thinks I'm overreacting. The way he told me the story was that they simly ran into each other and that was it, but clearly they are still in contact with each other. I think that by omitting to tell me they are emailing and talking to each other is lying. What do you think? Is he being dishonest, or am I just over-reacting.

Answer 1

He is lying by omission. If everything is above-board he wouldn't be hiding it from you. He should have been up-front about his keeping in touch with her. If you were like me, you probably would be ok with him talking to an old g/f as long as you know he's doing it. Talk to him and make him understand that by not telling you it makes you distrust him, and having distrust in your marriage is destructive. I hope he will be up-front with you in the future. Good luck

Answer 2

Ever heard the court say, "Do you promise to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth". Well, he told the truth, just not the whole truth. There are several reasons why he might not of told you the whole truth:

1) He's cheating (emotionally or otherwise)
2) You'd be extremely jealous
3) You're a controlling type person
etc, etc, etc.

If he is just an outgoing person, I wouldn't be too worried about it, but as far as the flirting goes, I have seen people call stuff flirting when actually all it was is being friendly and was meant as fun innocent stuff. Calls late at night? Why would he tell her this unless he was a late night person anyway and wanted to let her know it wouldn't bother him if she called. I would be suspicious otherwise. On the subject of email, I have so many email buddies, some I've only worked with or known for one day, but I valued our time together and email is just a way to say Hi, I'm still kicking. I don't usually send personal long messages to most of these people, just passing jokes etc after a while. My sister has an ex boyfriend who she and her husband are friends with, he even spends the night at their house. And no, my sister would never cheat on her husband, she doesn't believe in it. Bottom line... If you can't trust him, divorce him. Marriage is about trust. Either spouse not trusting the other will split a marriage in half anyway. Not trusting someone will drive you crazy. I've always believed that if someone is going to cheat on you, they will find a way if it's in their heart to do so. Think about it, and if you're 6th sense is right make a big deal about it. Everyone deserves to be happy, both you and him. good luck... :o)

Answer 3

Never mind lying; he is basically cheating. Tell him that you did not realize that this sort of flirtation is allowed in your marriage, particularly since it will lead to more, but now that you do know, there are people you would very much like to contact. Let him know that had you been aware of his set of rules, you would not have missed so many opportunities. You must now make up for lost time.

Your first opportunity after this talk, go out with friends for dinner, then do something active and fun. Be sure your cell phone is off and leave a newspaper lying around the house with rental ads highlighted.

Stay out until at least 3am, better yet: Spend the night at a friends. Don't show up at home 'til after work the following day. When he questions you, say that it is your turn to withhold info. Then you can matter-of-factly ask him out to dinner for the next evening. Make sure it is romantic. Give him plenty of attention...

When a partner is going to act this A-holish, actions speak a lot louder than words. This guy needs a preview of where his thoughtless, selfish, deceitful behavior will lead. Be brave and give it to him so he doesn't end up seeing the full-length feature!

Take back control, girl!

Answer 4

If your not telling each other the truth then it is wrong. If he had nothing to hide why didn't he just say hey, I gave her my email and cell number, but he didn't want you find out he had. If we keep something a secret then we know it is wrong for us to do it. If you don't stop this now it will only lead to bigger things down the road, believe me been there and done it was an ex, but I was never to stop it because he would just find another way to hide what he was doing. Plus I got tired of being told I was crazy for even thinking he would do something wrong in the marriage, guess what he played on the computer all the time and still thought I should keep my mouth shut. I didn't hide my password, like he did. We argue about this so much that soon you grow tired of dealing with it because when they start lying it usually only gets worse.

Answer 5

The omission of information covered with a broader statement for the purpose of incrimination would be lying. Lies and deceit are the two most harmful traits that can be used by human beings and are down there with hypocracy and capitalism. There is nothing good that can come from any of these. The only one that knows the over reaction is you. Your feelings are the important factor in that assessment. Be honest with yourself and if you are satisfied that you are entitled to have hurt feelings, then the wrong is in his court and the over reaction that he calls it is because of dishonesty not the fact he met an old girlfriend, it was the way he chose to protect the iformation instead of full disclosure.

Answer 6

Why are you second-guessing your gut instinct. You know good and well that your insides are screaming Liar, Cheater, Deceiver!!! And they should be. He not only omitted a few things, but is also talking to her behind your back. ANd flirting at that? You better be real skeptical about this situation. Don't let this pass over because if you do then he will know that he can get away with it. Is that what you want? Ummm...this may not be the first time he has done this.

Answer 7

You are definitely not over reacting!!!! He is cheating cheating on you emotionally, and setting himself up to physically cheat next. It is unbelievable how men justify ill actions. He has no business allowing her contact with him when he is married to you! Wit holding information is the same as lying. Not telling you about his encounter with her means he has bad intent. He did not respect you in asking if it would be ok with you to exchange emails and cell phone numbers. He is up to no good when he is being dishonest. Other wise why does he need to hide it from you if it is all in innocence? You watch him and you watch him good. Exchange cell phones with him. When and if she calls tell her not to call your husband again. Tell her he hasn't enough time in his life to give you let alone time to give to an ex girlfriend., and you will not tolerate her calling or emailing your husband again. Tell her to get lost and stay a way because she will only cause trouble for herself and problems for your husbands marriage to you! In fact make him call her and do it in front of you.........give him an ultimatum. Do not put up with his behavior. He is wrong and needs to see how this looks to you. Tell him if he values this marriage to put an end to it now.

Answer 8

He probably didn't expect you to read his private emails, which is probably why he said what he said.

That said, it appears you both need to reach a mutual agreement about contact with exes. Exes can ruin marriages and relationships. He really has no reason to be in contact with his ex. If he uses his common sense, he will see this and stop the contact. Don't accuse him of cheating or blow a fuse just yet -- just reach an agreement as to what is acceptable and what isn't.

Sometimes people don't see the obvious in what they are doing to a relationship by having friends of the opposite sex, or continuing friendships with exes. They don 't realize the damage it can cause.

Answer 9

He is absolutely dishonest. This sounds like the beginning of an emotional affair. He went out of his way to make sure you didn't find out about it. He is wrong and he knows it. Tell him that if he is saying things to her or doing things with her that he wouldn't do in front of you, then he is doing something wrong!! Give me a break. If it is so innocent, why can't he talk to her in front of you. Why all the subterfuge?? I think you two need to sit down and discuss your marriage. Ask him if he is unhappy. It is never good to turn outside of the relationship to have your needs met and that's what it sounds like he is doing. You need to nip this in the bud carefully. You want him to be honest with you and not just start to cover his tracks better. Beg him to tell you how he really feels. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 10

If he didnt tell u everything, he has something to hide. Plain and simple.
U have every right to kick a fuss. Dont let him convince u that u r the one over reacting. He is wrong!!!!!
If he has to hide it, he shouldnt be doing it. Period.
He needs to fess up. He has disrespected u and your marriage and entered into something that is a falsehood and needs to be extinguished.
Make a call to her and tell her that he wont be calling her and she need not call him. Nip this in the butt.
Its headed for trouble.
Dont let him off the hook. He is wrong in every aspect of the picture. And dont listen to any of the fellas on here who will say its innocent. If it was innocent, he wouldnt have a problem disclosing EVERYTHING!
Good luck hun.....stand ur ground. U got trouble brewing. If its a problem, get rid of it.