10 years ago my friend and lover left me for a girl he'd known in highschool. He called and ended our relationship of two years over the phone. I was devasted and couldn't function for months. After a year, I moved out west and rebuilt my life. Meanwhile, he married that girl. I eventually made my way back to my home town about 4 years ago now. On New Year's Day he called me - he had finally gotten ahold of my number. He had been looking for me for the past couple of years since he left his now ex-wife. He tells me he has always loved me. He still had the ring he had given me years ago. He still had some of my things. I have always loved him. He is my sole mate. Things have been going well for us - too well. And now the past is haunting me - I trust him, I always did - I'm just so afraid of losing him again and suffering through what I did all those years ago. Is it possible that a relationship can work after all that has happened? Are happy endings possible?
2007-04-14 11:08:29 · 10 answers · asked by d-d 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thanks all.
We actually have been talking about what happened non-stop since early January and things have been good. You are all quite right - I need to let go of this fear - I've been good for months now, but I think a trip to his home town this past weekend is what jogged all the bad memories and my fear. I believe he made a mistake all those years ago - he knows it - I also believe we can get past this...provided I let go of my fear. I do trust him. It is my fear of reliving that pain that I'm having issues with right now.
Thanks again
d-d
2007-04-14 13:19:25 · update #1
Anything is possible, but I would be more scared of his track record with women. He dated you for 2 years, left married someone else, left her and called you, so this means he is one who is always in doubt of something. Maybe I am wrong but this is the a woman wants to watch for. We can get blind when we are happy and the red flags will be waving all around us, but we don't see them. I sure would take it slow and I'm still wondering about the trust part you have with him. I think that would have been my biggest problem. I hope it works the way you want it too.
2007-04-14 11:30:55 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have some serious trust issues with this guy, not unreasonable since he was unfaithful to you and devastated your life.
He may have changed and matured into someone really great but as long as you harbor those fears, you will always be waiting for him to destroy you again.
Everything is happy now and you probably don't want to rock the boat but it's time for a serious talk.
Talk about the past, about the hurt he caused and the feelings you are left with because of it.
If he is genuinely remorseful and wants to work out your new life together then you might want to consider some couples counseling.
Good luck>
2007-04-14 11:42:30 · answer #2 · answered by nailgal2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It cannot work as long as you hold onto the past as you are doing. You do NOT trust him with your emotions, period. Until that happens, just play it cool, don't make any decisions, and date it out. Time will tell. 10 years is a long time, and people do change...slowly, but they can change. IF you cannot let go of the past hurt, end it now, for you are doing him no favors. My advice is to put it down, once and for all. This is negative energy and does no one any good. Open your heart up to love. The worst that can happen is that you get hurt again...big deal, you lived through that once, you could do it again if you had to.
2007-04-14 11:23:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure a happy ending is possible. I understand how you feel and if I were you, I would talk to him about all of your feelings and fears. At least that way ity is out in the open and you can deal with it together! Good Luck
2007-04-14 11:32:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there!
This is a difficult question... you are the only one that knows the answer.
I'm telling you this,cuz only you knows the personality of your ex...
If he is a good person but he was young and fool, you should re-consider his offer.
But if he is known as a bad guy, then....
I don't know it is up to you.
But think twice before you make an decision.
After all he did left you once, what makes you think he won't do it again?
Good luck!
2007-04-14 11:14:32 · answer #5 · answered by Aquamarine 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Life is about taking risks. He's had a lot of time to think about his mistake. Give him a chance, I'm sure he's changed.
2007-04-14 11:19:35 · answer #6 · answered by All That Glitters isn't Gold 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Happy endings are always possible. You have to be sure, no doubts at all or you won't make it!
2007-04-14 11:15:15 · answer #7 · answered by luckford2004 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just love your storry.
YES The odds are good for you ....This is true love ( as they say)...My opinion is to give it a try
Good luck and God bless both of you .!
2007-04-14 15:38:26 · answer #8 · answered by Juliet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good luck hope it works for you two.
2007-04-14 11:18:26 · answer #9 · answered by RAINBOW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
be careful thats all
2007-04-18 08:53:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋