I need cheering up?

Question

has anyone got anything funny to say.

thanx very much newcider,

Answer 1

Havent got a joke though...But am flying you some hugs and kisses to you :) xoxoxo...

Take Care

Answer 2

I found these jokes quite funny! A guy posted them as a bulletin on MySpace, so if anyone thinks they are crap, its not my fault!lol.
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A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is
there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting
on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a
field.

Ten years goes by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door.
He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he
finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail says,
"What the ~Censored~ was that all about?"


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1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male.... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male... Leaving a note before taking off! on a fishing trip with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding.

7 REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.


AND;

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . .You wear pants don't you?

He said . Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said . ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . ....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said … We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed! Marrie d women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.


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An old man is talkin to a mate in the pub and says "Do you know any hitmen as I'm gettin on a bit and could do with the wife's life insurance to see out my last days."

His mate says "I don't know any personally but I've heard if you go to the pub down the street there is a guy in there".

So the old man heads to the other pub and sure enough ends up chattin to a guy who is a hitman.

"I was wonderin if you could do my wife as I could do with her life insurance".

"Sure" says the hitman. "How old is she?"

"76" he replies.

"Ok I'll shoot her just below the left nipple. She won't feel a thing".

Old man standing up angrily. "I want her dead, not Kneecapped."

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Answer 3

ok lynda,got a poser for you, come back with words that rhyme with
month
orange
silver
purple
out of the english language. if you can do it you will be cheered up as only you will know. take care x

Answer 4

So do I, I'm off to watch last night's rerun of Phoenix nights now. That'll cheer me up no end. Night everyone! x

Answer 5

It's time for me to make a wish for U.……. (wishin) ……… (wishin) ……. done ! Do u know what I asked 4? I asked God to make u happy all day long.


how about a joke?

Feeling bored? Wondering, what to do? Open the zip! Enter your hands in between your zip... take out your... book from your bag and study!

Answer 6

There's a lonely man on the street with a sign that reads: "Will work for "p u s s y" & then he gets swamped by all the sick stray cats..

Answer 7

Q.What does a postcard from a blonde on holiday say?
A.Having a great time....where am I?

Answer 8

What did Jesus say to his apostles as he was hung on the cross!!!!
Dont eat my f***ing easter eggs you fat bastards, ill be back on Sunday...

Answer 9

I don`t have a joke at the moment babe, but you can have these.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. Hope it helps.

Answer 10

Imagine your grandma/grandpa in a thong!