How long should a girl stay in a relationship without being asked to be married?

Question

Here is the detail. I am 21, i have been dating the guy i love for 5 years and 4 months. We have been living together for a year in his father's house. When we were 18 he would talk about wanting to get married so i know he is not afraid of commitment. All my friends that have been with their boyfriends 1-3 years are engaged or married. I just wonder what everyone thinks, comment plz!

Answer 1

the second he ever says..he's not ready for marriage...or his sidesteps any questions about rasing a family. my husband made it an issue days after we starting dating. so i knew his track was the same as mine. (or at least i wasn't opposed to it.) think of it not as the time frame you been dating though. personally...unless both parties are gun ho about getting married, engagements shouldn't be expected until 2 years after you have both turned 21. and since you are both living under his dad's house...you need to wait until you are both capable of living on your own. so that one year of living with his dad, does not count as living away from home.

Answer 2

You wonder what everyone thinks and I honestly I think you're too young. When you started dated you were only 16! I would recommend getting out into the world without your boyfriend for a bit.
That said if you hate the sound of that you should at least not rush into marriage. Being married is hard work. Honestly it is really different than living together.
Think about what you really want and then ask your boyfriend what he thinks. Tell him your true feelings. Make sure you're thinking along the same lines.
And don't compare yourself to your friends- this is your life! If anyone gives you a hard time about it tell them you are happy for them, but you have to do your own thing.
Good luck to you. I hope in 5 years you look back at this time with no regrets!

Answer 3

I dont think there should be a set amount of time. My first husband and I dated 6 months before we got married. He passed away, so I have been dating my bf for 5.5 years living together for 5. Dont rush you are still young, Try saving up and the 2 of you get a place of your own, that might help. Who wants to get married and live with the in laws. Good luck

Answer 4

first, you are young and i'm assuming so is he. if you really want to marry the guy, think about what your life together will be like in 10 years when you are in your 30's. does he have a job? is he going to school to have a prosperous career? are you going to school or do you have a good job? these are goals that need to be solidified before getting married.

he may have grown out of the relationship, if he's acting distant or odd when you talk about your other friends getting married. that's a huge warning sign. if everything is fine, his behavior hasn't changed, but you're just not getting the ring, it may not be a priority for him (or he can't afford the ring you deserve). if he's secure that you love him and you belong together and doesn't need a ring to prove it, you may have a mature boy on your hands.

with your friends getting engaged and all, you should be able to start a very casual conversation about getting married, being married ("i can't wait till we have our own house" etc) or having children. since you are still young, don't get too bent out of shape about how long it's taking him to commit (legally) because he should already be emotionally committed to you after 5 years. if you doubt that, you might be in trouble. a piece of paper does not gurantee his heart.

don't push but don't play games either (like getting pregnant-one of the stupidest thing you could do!). be aware of his behavior and be prepared. confront him if his actions are making you really unhappy but don't be a scary psycho about it. don't accuse but be strong about getting answers to your questions.

good luck

Answer 5

You've been with this guy since you were a baby, practically, so you obviously know each other well. But women who get strapped down as early as you have, get a tad curious, shall we say, sometime before they are 25, usually, and 38 is the big year for women to cheat... not that you will... just thought I'd mention it.

You have had very little experience....... But that wasn't your question, so I won't go into that...........

Here's some advise from my mom.
1. The most important decision you will ever make is the man you marry. Choose wisely, not only with your heart, but with your head.
2. Have no children until your bond is strong. Kids can destroy anything. And have no more than you yourself can support. Marriages fail 50% of the time... and usually because of kids.... guess what? You get to raise them....Make me a mother in law before you make me a grandmother.
3. Marriage is no life-time meal ticket. At all costs, finish your education. Likely that you will work sometime in your marriage, most likely for decades....get paid for it
4. Have a stash of cash no one knows about even if you think you will never need it.... you will, and the more the better.

At this point, you have to decide whether or not marriage is a deal-buster..... do you want to be married above anything else? Only you know that. If that is indeed true, then, hon, you draw the line in the sand, and give the guy a little speech. It goes something like this:
"John, I cannot see my future without you in it, but I also can not see my future without a husband. We know each other as well as we will ever know each other, and if I am good enough to share your bed with, by now you are good enough to be my husband, and I am good enough to be your wife. If we do not set a wedding date by_____, and we are not looking for invitations, a church and all the rest of it by this date, (if any of this applies) then I need to know that. Because it is now to the point that I wish marriage more than I just wish to continue this with you. And if there is going to be no marriage with you, I need to get on with my life to find a husband, and you need to get on in your life to do whatever you find important for your life."

And hon, when you draw the line, you may not get what you want.....{ It is the oldest contract in the world,,,, the "If--then" contract, and it is the simplest to understand, so simple we even use it with tiny kids, "If you touch the stove, then you will get burned" (They do, they get urned, and they get it.) If you are not home by 6:00pm for dinner, you get no tv for a week. yadadyaday} When you draw the line, you have to be prepared for NO. ("If we aren't going to get married, THEN I need to know this, so I can leave this relationship...." In which case, you loose, and you then walk away, or you stay in what is by now a frustrating relationship. In either case, you have changed it all forever. He will remain resentful that he was cornered, even if you stay under his terms..... no marriage... and your relationship will erode from there.

Answer 6

Ask him to marry you. Maybe he thinks you are content living togethers especially if you have talked commitment!

You'll probably get a lot of, well you are living together why would he bother? Answers, but that's silly bunk and only applies to idiot men. My partner and I live together and have been since before we actually decided we were exclusive, but we still have a wedding coming up.

Answer 7

Don't invest more than 2 - 3 yrs. in a relationship without marriage...Never have kids out of wedlock...
Get a good Pre-Nup..
Don't marry anyone with personality or character problems,
it will only get worse after marriage..
Don't marry anyone without the proven ability to financially support and care for the family...

Answer 8

I think 3 years would be my limit. I actually got engaged in about 6 months with my husband. We got our names tattooed on each others butts as a symbol of love

Answer 9

It took my relationship 6 years but not because he is afraid of commitment but because we are still in college with no money and were 16 when we started dating.

Answer 10

I'd ask him where you stand now. At this point, if he doesn't want to get married, then move out and get your own place. It's always easier to manage when you don't have a lot of responsibility, but also there is a tendency to not mature either.