The first one is a catalog poem. the second one is a weather compared to an animal. the third one is a haiku about nature. Are they okay if not do you have any suggestions on how I can fix them?
Catalog Poem
Daily
Getting out of bed everyday,
smelling the fresh air.
Eating a tasty breakfast,
french toast dipped in syrup.
Going to School,
seeing my friends and completing my work.
When it turns 3pm,
going back home.
Extended Image
Thunder
It strikes as the dog howls.
It looks you in the eye and seems to frighten you.
You try to stay out of its way,
but it can still get you.
It has a loud shocking sound.
Its eyes are yellow; it glares at you stays a while,
then leaves after its done damage.
Haiku
Nature
Oh how fast trees grow
Like children, they grow so fast and
When we glare there gone.
2007-04-14 06:09:38 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
okay so It turns out I did my haiku wrong so I did a new one is this good?
Haiku
“Nature”
Natures all around,
It’s up high and down low, its
Everywhere we go!
By:Me
2007-04-17 12:18:28 · update #1
you have a couple of mixed metaphors in the 'Thunder' poem.
Thunder doesn't strike, lightening does. Thunder rumbles, sounds, echoes, etc.
Thunder isn't visible but it can shout in your ear, whisper from a distance, growl it's anger in your ears, echo the fears of storms past, etc.
Thunder generally is born through the skies from darkened clouds.
Mispelling in your haiku of the personal possessive "they're" meaning they are.
you are doing o.k., just clean up your visual and mental imagery. hope that helps.
2007-04-14 06:17:47 · answer #1 · answered by stonechic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not bad. You should try practicing how to convey an idea in as few words as possible to be able to get a good rhythm.
Otherwise it's a pretty good attempt if this is your first time. You should keep writing.
By the way, a haiku presents two diferrent images to convey a single idea in a just a single sentence or in the native Japanese language, in just 17 syllables.
Something like:
Silence fills the still night air, Breath... fill your lungs with silence.
2007-04-22 01:41:31 · answer #2 · answered by Shienaran 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the Thunder the best! I like this opening alot..Good expression in simile.
It strikes as the dog howls.
It looks you in the eye and seems to frighten you.
Adding just a bit more detail or deswcription would be great, keep writing your doing great!.
2007-04-20 12:25:06 · answer #3 · answered by lillanigyrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like them. I am puzzled by the use of the word "glare" in your Haiku, but it made me think a while.
2007-04-20 14:21:40 · answer #4 · answered by Wrath Warbone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like the new haiku.
I'm not a big fan of poems like the first one, so I'm not going to critique.
I think your creativity shines in Thunder, but I agree with stonechick, on the critique.
2007-04-19 13:59:27 · answer #5 · answered by ..*Real-ality*.. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
howdy its very sturdy attempt Dont imagine your self so down the instantaneous u imagine ur down ur powerful moments stops So experience sturdy consistently and write your poems or do each little thing certainly writing about the poem its sturdy and useful human beings r there to supress u yet dont fall yet attempt to flow nevertheless up ok each and each of the perfect
2016-12-04 00:47:15 · answer #6 · answered by troxell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It dont sound like you put enough into them but they are ok.
2007-04-14 06:20:00 · answer #7 · answered by ? 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
in my opinion they are kinda vague, but vague can be good
2007-04-14 06:13:35 · answer #8 · answered by chesterCC08 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋