I'm 12 and I was adopted when I was a baby. My parents said you need to be 18 years old to try to contact your birth family. WHY do you need to be 18? Why? they could be dead the time I turn 18! I want to do it now!! Why won't they change this dam rule? It's just so stupid. I'm sure other people feel this way. It makes me feel that i'll never be able to see my birth family ever. What should I do to make this feeling go away. And why do they have this rule.
2007-04-14 05:51:19 · 8 answers · asked by BeatlesFan13 B 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
The main reason for the age 18 rule is that most states (but not all) consider age 18 the age of majority at which a person is no longer a minor.
The rule is also designed to keep bratty, whiney children from using the circumstances of their birth and adoption as bargaining chips when dealing with issues in family life that are hard or unpleasant. It also helps to provide stability, both for the family that CHOSE you and for the egg and sperm donors who were unable to raise you due to their personal problems.
You have every right to seek out your birth parents, but be advised that they ALSO have rights and even when you are eligible to seek for them, they have the right to REFUSE to have contact with you. After all, they gave you up.
Rules of most kinds are set up as a protection for the rights, needs and feelings of all concerned. Your birth parents may have only been a few years older than your 12 years and unable to provide for you. Rather than aborting you, they chose to give you a family to love and care for your needs, desires and wants who unselfishly welcomed you into not only their home, but their heart.
Instead of focusing all of your attention on what you don't have, turn that around and take a good long look at what you DO HAVE.
Some parents NEVER tell an adopted child that they were adopted. You didn't indicate that your parents were against you looking, so it may be that they are trying to protect your needs and interests.
Contact which is established too soon or inappropriately can literally destroy your family. Be patient and give time a chance!
While it seems like 18 is far away, you can spend the time making a journal to give to the birth parents who were willing to sacrifice their feelings for you in order to give you a fighting chance for a good, stable life.
Let them know about your family life. Let them know about your feelings and your struggles and your successes.
Write about the day to day and the great moments.
Above all, try to understand that there are literally thousands of people in your same boat who are also trying to be patient and wait to get to the magical age where they can do what you desire to do.
hang in there.
Be respectful and respectable to your adoptive parents.
Make yourself into the kind of person that anyone would be proud to call their child.
Good luck!
2007-04-14 06:05:49 · answer #1 · answered by stonechic 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That law is meant to protect all parties. Most children that are adopted become emotional when they find out and start a frantic search. However, though this may sound harsh, some birthparents do not want to know what happened to the child(ren) they put up for adoption. It's not a very good law but try talking to others that were adopted. Maybe your adopted parents are afraid that you will not want to be with them after you find your birthparents. There's a lot of mixed emotion involved with adoption so whatever the decision you make, be sure that you think about all the people that your decision will affect. And think about how possible rejection will affect you. Its an ugly thought but it could happen. Best of luck!
2007-04-14 12:59:07 · answer #2 · answered by healthykidnow 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They have it to protect the birth parents, AND you. If you found them now, and they hadn't told their present spouse...it could really cause problems. Plus, what if they are NOT the people you hope for, and don't want to meet you? That sounds mean, but you have to be prepared for anything when you find them. It's just better if you do that as an adult.
I was adopted too, and had to wait...AND had to search for years until I finally found my birth parents. It will happen for you but you have to be patient, and find out what the proper steps are to find them. While you're still under age...you can use this time to find out the laws in your area. Your parents (adoptive) may be able to get a fact sheet on your birth parents with information such as, height, weight at the time you were born, hair color, nationality etc... and that may help you feel a bit better.
2007-04-14 12:56:33 · answer #3 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know you're thinking. I gave my daughter up for adoption but I chose an open adoption so I could be involved in her life. She is 7 now and models. Go to a local adoption agency on your own and just ask them questions. You may be able to get health statistics but not their names. You may get pictures. You'll never know til you ask. Good luck. as a birthmother I do feel your pain. E-mail me if you need advice. ok
2007-04-14 20:21:55 · answer #4 · answered by Heather R♥se 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everything in this country is about being of legal age. I know what you are experiencing is painful and you are anxious, but you can only do what the authorities will allow you. Ask your adoptive parents to help you. Maybe they can provide some information.
2007-04-14 12:59:57 · answer #5 · answered by THE SINGER 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
To protect the birth parents from being found.
2007-04-14 14:34:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
your birth family may have wanted it that way,sometimes people dont want to be found,and all you can do is dream about it until then.
2007-04-14 12:57:25 · answer #7 · answered by helpfull2u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know this must be hard for you but your adoptive parents love you sooo much and they think you shouldnt go for your sake soo you dont get hurt
2007-04-14 12:59:35 · answer #8 · answered by chelsea 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋