I have a daughter who is 18 months old. The most her father has contributed is about maybe 40.00 last month. And we've been seperated for about 7 months now. He uses excuses that he has to pay his parents money, etc. Pretty much every excuse in the book he's used. He's lost 3 jobs already this year and has just started his 4th on Tuesday (Wendy's) (We were together for almost 4 years and the reason we seperated is a) he can't hold a job obviously and he's very verbally abusive) So i'm just asking any other single mom's out there did you file for child support? Was it worth it if you knew that he probably wasn't going to contribute that much even if it's issued from the courts? I pay 340.00 a month just in day care alone and I have a great job but not enough to always pay bills on time. So it's been a bit of a struggle. Thanks to everyone who answers. Please no rude answers.
2007-04-14 04:30:06 · 16 answers · asked by ash 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To Lily - first i would like to say your answer was rude, yes life is tuff and i can do it by myself but i wasn't asking for pity. We were supposed to get married but he is not a committed person. Basically don't comment if you don't know the whole story.
2007-04-14 05:06:24 · update #1
to everyone else thank you
2007-04-14 05:07:58 · update #2
I think you should definitely file for child support. I was also a single mom for many years, my sons father sounds so much like your ex. He could never (and still can't) hold a job, was verbally abusive and would never pay child support. The courts made him pay through the district attorney, so I actually GOT my child support for many years, it was not a lot but id did help pay the bills.
It is his responsibility to help you support the child, hopefully he will also want to be an active parent and spend time with her.
Good Luck!
2007-04-14 05:40:56 · answer #1 · answered by meow 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in a simialr situation, although I have a 5 yr old and a 7 yr old, and I was married to their father for 12 years. He was the same way, though....impulsive with money, could never hold down a job, etc. We married very young and I thought he would grow out of this, but he never did. My mistake. :( Anyway, we've been separated for almost a year and during that time he has not sent me one cent or tried to see his children at all. I am filing for divorce now and my lawyer is going for the most child support he can ask for from him, even though it's unlikely I will get that much (or any at all). I would definitely file for the support. He should be responsible for helping out as much as he is able with the financial support of his child (after all, you did not make the baby alone!). I understand what you are going through. I have a good job, but I work very hard, which means I don't have a lot of energy to give my kids at the end of the day, and I make just too much that I can't get food stamps or Medicaid for the kids. It's an uphill battle, isn't it? Best wishes to you, and I hope you are able to get a decent amount of support from him. :)
2007-04-14 10:33:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is worth it because they can take the money right from his pay check or even tax returns. In some states the will eve suspend his drivers license until he starts to pay. Get a lawyer. Whatever happens make sure that he is order to pay the support through the court or have it deducted from his paycheck. Do not let him agree to pay you directly because he wont. If he fails to pay the court they will keep track of what he owes and even if he is unemployed, the support will continue to add up. So if you don't get the money each month you will get it eventually. I have been in your position before and it is hard, lucky for you daycare is only $340 a month I have to pay over $660 a month.
Also if you think a lawyers is going to be to expensive search on line in county courts system for forms and a little research it can be done with out a lawyers. there will be a small processing fee of maybe $50. Good Luck to you and i hope it works out.
2007-04-14 04:41:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have every right to file for support and are totally justified in doing so. The courts willadjust his support to somewhat meet his ability to pay but wont care how much of a financial burden that amount puts on him. Also because of the scare of arrearags this just might be the best thing for him to get his life in order and to keep a job and be responsible for his child.In fact he may just have to get a second or even third job to help but then it comes down to this; why should you carry the burden of raising your child alone when it took the two of you to make this baby? And why should he get away of having the fun but have no responsibility of raising his child? File for support and let him worry about how,you have enough to worry about. Good luck
2007-04-14 04:45:50 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly this happens really often. My advice is to file - that way it is tracked by the court and eventually he will find his niche and you will be entitled to all back support. If he is verbally abusive to you - chances are that he will be verbally abusive about you to your daughter - so I would file a restraining order and have supervised visits only. The best case is that he does have a relationship with his daughter. Good luck - there are no winners ever in a divorce. . . .
2007-04-14 04:59:01 · answer #5 · answered by pounddoglady 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes go to a lawyer 1st, send him a letter to say how much you expect weekly or monthly and a date that you will then apply to the court if he doesnt comply, my ex refused to pay any money for over a year, gave him the benefit of the doubt but then i got fed up with the excuses, it was woth it, i got a year back dated payments and now i get weekly payments into my bank a/c. In the beginning he used to pay the court and they would forward it on to me, to make sure he was paying, but dont let this guy away with his responsibilities, tell him that you are fed up waiting and what you intend to do.
2007-04-14 04:39:13 · answer #6 · answered by natc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can and should file for child support for your child he needs to be responsible and pay to help you take care of your child weather your together or apart after all he is the father there are also orders made by the court for him to maintain or get a job and actions that will be taken if he doesn't follow through such as time in jail or probation , its time for him to step up to the plate and if he owes others oh well his child's needs should always come 1st even before his own ... i say go file for child support good luck
2007-04-14 05:27:34 · answer #7 · answered by wiggles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should file for child support for the simple reason that it's your child who's entitled to being financially supported by both her parents. And you don't have the right to withhold that entitlement from her.
2014-11-28 23:16:06 · answer #8 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes file for child support! After a 12 year fight to get the child support my daughter's father has finally grown up and started paying weekly payments for over a year now! Having a felony charge against him didnt hurt either, so please dont give up but yes it wll work out in the end!
2007-04-14 17:34:16 · answer #9 · answered by Kimberlee H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Im kind of in the same situation as you are but my ex is self employed which makes it harder to prove income ive been dealing with it for several years now. But what I can tell you is to go to the nearest child support agency and fill out the paper work let them deal with attaching his wages. They have ways of enforcing his payment and it will go directly to them then to you. I wish there was a way to get a hold of me without having to give my email on here. It sounds like theres more going on but good luck to you.
2007-04-14 04:40:32 · answer #10 · answered by Michelle H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋