Should I tell my mom that I have biq suspicions that my dad is cheating on her?

Question

I have for a long time now thought that my dad's been cheating on my mom.I wasn't sure if I was thinking logically or just being paranoid.Now I am almost sure that he is cheating.

I asked him if I could play games on his phone, he said yes, but he picked up the phone first and started doing something (I found out later, he was DELETING messages).

I wondered why he had grabbed the phone so quickly, so I got a bit nosy and after I had played a few games,I went to his messages...there was nothing in his inbox or his sent messages, but there were tons in his deleted messages.

I went to them and saw that alot of them were from, or to, the same woman.I opened a few.

I wish I hadn't, they were these messages about closeness, and sex, and love.It kills me that he doesn't have a relationship with my mom like he does with this other woman.

My question still stands, Should I tell my mom, should I confront him? This is hurting me so much, I have cried every night since I found out

Answer 1

No. No one ever appreciates the person who tells them their spouse is cheating.

You do need to have a private chat with your father. Very private. You need to tell him how much you've always looked up to him, and how much of a role model he's been for you, and that you love him very much. Then you need to tell him that you looked at his deleted messages, and you think it's unfair to him, your mom, his family, and the other woman, what he's doing. If he doesn't want to be married anymore, then he needs to get a divorce. If they have problems, they need to work them out. However, you know if you were caught cheating or stealing, he'd be very angry at you. You need him to be a role model and do the right thing. Then hug him and walk away...and never bring it up again.

(*hug*) Good luck.

Answer 2

Kaia gave a great answer and I would follow her advice with some additions.

Most children do not know the intimate details of their parents marriage. Your mother may know about this already and may even allow it providing he follows certain rules.

A great many couples only remain married for the children's sake and their own private relationship may be quite cold and unsatisfying. Instead of divorce they remain together with one, the other, or both finding emotional support from someone outside the marriage.

You have to be congratulated for sitting and thinking this through and looking for advice. You must talk about this with your father. You must also be prepared to accept what he decides to do. He may decide to leave, he may choose to continue the affair, he may not want to continue keeping it a secret.

No matter what the outcome things will never be the same, and in deciding what you should do you have to look at the the quality of life you (and your mother) have now and whether it will improve after you blow the whistle.

This is not something children should never be involved in, no matter how old they are. I am sorry you had to find out the way you did.
.

Answer 3

I think, you should first explain the situation to him ask him to come clean as it is hampering your health and studies. Tell him that you have your doubts, don't tell him that you already know. If he does accept (although I doubt it, then tell him to open it in front of your mom if indeed, he has decided to leave her otherwise, he should end the matter right where it is. This way your mom may be spared of the horrifying experience).

If he doesn't agree then tell your mom and move out of it. She is the best person to act on it. You don't know but there are parents with their own set of love interests but they remain married just to avoid any negative influence on their children.

Anyway, this exercise of yours will clear the cobwebs and definitely put the things in order than what you think would happen, if you tell your mom.

Be strong! you may be needed to make some tough decisions, if your fears (I hope, not) do come true. Anyway, never be the most vocal of the three, it is their relationship and after initial start try to let them handle the situation as they are the grown ups and the best persons to remove the muck out of this problem.

Answer 4

Do you want to be the one who broke up your own parent marriage? If you don't care if they divorce,, then do so. I understand your mom deserve to know, and you feel hurt and betray by your dad. Would you want your mom feel the same way you do and plus a hundred times more of the hurting and betray? I am sure there is something is going on in their marriage and sometimes parent is really good at hiding it away from their children. I think you should have an one on one talk with your dad( when your mom not presence.) Give him a chance to explain it to you,and how he gonna stop the problem. Who knows he might appreciate you for not telling your mom, just yet. And figure out what he might end up losing,if he did not willing to change? By then, if he did not do anything about it, then it 's not too late for you to let your mom know.

Answer 5

I know this is hurting you, you can't just move on and forget. So you have some thinking to do. What would you feel if your parents divorced? What would you feel if your mom didn't know and this continued? Think about each side of the scenario before you do anything. But I am in favor of telling her. You sound mature enough to understand that this is the relationship that your father should be having with your mother, not with another woman. Even if he hasn't cheated in a physical way, he has in an emotional way, and that needs to be brought to light to your mom cause it can hurt just as much.

Answer 6

Sorry to hear that! this answer may or may not help but i hope it can. My buddy's parents had been together for 15 years, then his mom started cheating on his dad. We all thought his dad was just paranoid whe he accused her fo it. When my buddy forund out the truth it tore him apart. Probably the same kind of feelings you have. So just imagine if you feel this way, and you don't tell your mom, how she will feel knowing that you knew all along. It all comes down to who you think it will hurt more. If you tell your Dad, he may not like it too much. But if you don't ,your mom may not trust you very much anymore. So you really have to do what you feel is going to be best. juts remember your dad will eventually get caught. good luck with everything.

Answer 7

I think you should talk to your dad about it first. See how serious he is, and what he has to say. He also knows your mother very good, and he will be able to tell how she will react to this if she finds out.
If you are not pleased with the conversation with your dad, go to your mum and start asking her questions now and then, how she would have reacted if.... or how her sister would react if her husband had.... etc. Hide the questions and make conversation about. Find out how she will react, and then tell her what you know in the best way.
Don't make a scene, or make your parents fight. Try to solve this as a whole family. There must be a reason for all of this.
Best of luck

Answer 8

You should tell your Dad you know he is cheating on your Mom. That way, he will have time to come clean with your Mom. If he doesn't do it within a few days, then you tell her.
I was in a similar situation with one of my family members. I knew for a fact they were being cheated on and didn't say anything for fear of hurting them. I enabled the cheater to continue. I have regretted it every day since then and would never stay quiet about it again.

Answer 9

Dont say a be conscious because it would make the placement alot worse. merely be there to your mom while she desires you. I want you and your mom allot of success and stay sturdy for another. with a bit of luck it become merely no longer something and your dad wises up. yet while no longer carry on it rather is a wild experience. Ive considered this take place to many a individual in my lifetime and its under no circumstances common for every person.

Answer 10

did you think about the possibility that your mother already knows and doesn't want to end her relationship with your father? Maybe she doesn't want to know as long as she stays happy in her marriage? There are a lot of things to consider before bringing this up. I would talk to dad about it. tell him that you saw the messages and that they hurt and confused you and that you want to know the truth about what is going on. Ask him if mom knows he is talking to this women this way and how she feels about it and what he wants you to do. If he is a decent father he will tell you the right things to do. Don't be the one to hurt your mother.