I have a hard time letting go... any advice?

Question

When something is bothering me... I constantly obsess over it.
I am way to hard on my self!
How can I let go and move on???

Answer 1

i have the same problem... i keep myself distracted and everytime it comes to my mind i think of something pleasant or somewhere pleasant id like to be. Sometimes we obsess because unfullfillment its so dissapointing. I we want perfection because we like to control things, but really sometimes things are out of our reach, realize this and dont blame yourself for everything.

Answer 2

One word.

~Rationalize~


Count your blessings and or, weigh your options.

Something emotional: Ask, would I have what I have if it were true about me? (Chose the positive answer, rationalize it until it's correct.)

Situational: Compile knowledge. Make a list of options, think them through, really imagine it as if it were real. Then choose what will or might work.

Have a long term goal as well as short term goals. That will ease the pain and illuminate a path or course of action.

For example: You know your leaving a job soon, you can totally rip on anyone and screw up anything you want. If you need to stay for a while you can time your revenge for a better time when they can't retaliate, so in the mean time their crap rolls right off your back. Better yet if you know their the loser and you are going to move up then that will be your revenge. Rationalize.

On the side you do need to have a hobby, something you love to do. You know, fun, enjoyment. Something NOT DESTRUCTIVE. This thing what ever it is will not help you move on. It will however put a smile on your face, or give you a light at the end of the tunnel. For me it's chess. I don't play every day but it builds my confidence and gives me a small sense of achievement. It also gives me down time in law law land where everything is as it should be. I'm not always in the mood for it, but when things are good or there is some momentarily crappy thing happening I look forward to going there before or after I rationalize. When there is something that can be done however playing chess instead of dealing with the issue is Destructive.

Get it, got it, good. Learn to relax, learn to rationalize, and use your head as to when and what is appropriate. Lots of sex works too. Knowing I get laid more then the person that is giving me a hard time gives me the edge in confidence I need sometimes. LOL!

That's just it for some people, you need to be able to say: "Well at least _____." You can fill it with anything, I'm good at chess, I get laid, I have a pile of money, something positive.


People called me stupid or a homo for most of my youth.

Can't be true: I graduated from college, I have a good job that pays better then most in my area. I'm good at chess. I'm married. I love hetero porn, except girl on girl. The things I masturbate about the most. How much I wont to have sex with my wife. It doesn't add up. They were all wrong about me. I don't have to prove it to anyone. I just have to believe it my self. Not to mention that half of the people that said these things to hurt me are either dead, in prison, or died in prison. I'm obviously doing something right. You can too.

Answer 3

Always find the positive in every situation. Life is way to short to make it hard? It is what YOU make of it... Everything you do, there is a lesson to be learned, no matter what... we grow wiser and get stronger.
Take your mind off of what you are obsessing over...like take some classes at the gym, cook, redecorate a room in your house, communicate your feelings with someone you trust, cry...
I'm not sure what is making you not move on? Whatever the case, anything in life will be hard if you make it hard. You allow yourself to hold on, you need to allow yourself to let go. Life could be so much easier if the world stayed positive.
Always give any problems that you feel you cannot handle to God, put them in his hands and trust he will take care of them for you.

Answer 4

I have the exact same problem. The only way that I have found to let go of things that can not be resolved in a good way or maybe not even available to be resolved, is to have a really great friend with a large shoulder. I find that the only way to get relief is to talk about it over and over again until it gone, which is usually about like 10 full discussions about what ever it is, on different occasions. Talking and time is the only thing that works for me. Hearing feedback from a friend and having that friend reasure you that everything will be fine or that it wasn't your fault bring great relief.

Answer 5

I used to be the same until a wise man told me "if obsession can change bad things into good then embrace it, otherwise let go".

I say we only should feel bad if we possess the power to control things around us and we don't use it. Don't be hard on your self.

Answer 6

I don't see where you need to let go of anything, bless your heart, that is all a part of who you are, not that you let you go. Something is moving away from you, you are not the one that is going away. You are the one that is still feeling the emotion, not that you are the one making the loss! You are always you and you see that something is gone, then see also you are with yourself, Most important!!!

Answer 7

time heals all wounds,my dear....please believe it : it may be hard at first,for a long time.....

dont try to think of that thing for too long...preoccupy ur self

there is a saying 'if u cant get what u love--then u much love what u get'

dont try to think too much--instead of buck up--even if ur not feeling like it---and get urself engaged in other activities u adore...try to concentrate on rivals there and compete ...eventually u will forget and lose interest in the things obssessing u

Answer 8

well I will tell you what works for me...prayer.
I pray and give my concerns to God and trust Him to help me. He says" Cast all your cares on Me for I care for you."
there is a song that says " take your burdens to the Lord and leave them there." the "leaving" part is the hardest. When I find myself getting overwhelmed by something... everytime I start thinking about the problem, I say " Lord I choose to trust You, I know that You are bigger than my problem or fear"

Answer 9

Work your way through what is bothering you. What is the question at hand? Is it worthy of attention?

Answer 10

what i do is relative or even ridiculize the thing that bothers me so that i can smile at it , then i move on.