my standards are so high now since i was lied and cheated on that i don't think i will be able to find anyone new.
does anyone else feel this way?
2007-04-13 18:33:10 · 12 answers · asked by I♥Karma 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i am afraid i will red flag everything he does!
2007-04-13 18:33:38 · update #1
not really... I realized that by askign him to leave I had finally realized that I HAVE standards and that theres nothign wrong with that!
I spent a decade believing that expecting anything from your spouse was wrong and that I was some kind of freak for expecting respect, affection and consideration for my feelings. Once I realized I didn't believe that anymore, you could say my standards went up or you could just say I "woke up and smelled the coffee" - basically I started valueing myself and my time and my love again. Higher standards? I guess, but only because before I ignored my standards.
I think it's the same for most people who leave a bad situation. Not the people who realized they had married the wrong person, but those of us who put up wtih more than a person who loves someone should put up with.
Never think that wanting respect, affection, consideration and love is "too high" a standard. It should be NORMAL. Sounds to me like you really just found your limits and are starting to live by them. That is a great thing.
2007-04-13 20:22:47 · answer #1 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It tends to be the same for anyone. If you were married to someone that seems to have come from the bottom of the barrel it makes you look for perfection in the next possible choice for a mate. That you will need to change though. You need to realize that everyone has a flaw of some sort. The best advice I can give is to list the most important qualities and look for those in the man you are looking for. Accept that he will have something that may not be of your liking, but remember you will also have some qualities that may not be appealing. You balance the bad with the good. The most important qualities are trust, a golden heart, compassion, and undyingly faithful. Good Luck dear.
2007-04-14 18:59:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
(*laughter*) Oh yeah. I try to tell myself it's because my standards were OBVIOUSLY so low the first time, but that's not really it. The reality is, you're afraid of making the same mistake again. You're afraid to actually trust someone. You're afraid to trust yourself not to screw up again.
The reality is, there are good people out there, and not so good ones. You may not find someone new, but you can have a wonderful, full life without a partner.
I've never remarried. I've been divorced..silence while does the math..22 years. I almost remarried, and found out he was cheating/lying to me. I considered it a positive thing that I didn't ACTUALLY marry him before finding it out.
I'm pretty sure, I'll never marry again. I'm good with that. I like me. I do things and go places. Would it be nice to find someone? Sure. Is it a requirement for happiness? No.
2007-04-14 07:14:34 · answer #3 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, my standards went up so high that I am having a hard time finding somebody that fits. I'm not gonna give in though, I would rather die alone than go back to where I just came from.
2007-04-14 05:02:23 · answer #4 · answered by stratplayer1967 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yep i did , i supported my skinny ex-wife completely she never had to work and i payed all the bills and hell i even did my own laundry, all i got in return was half of the town i lived in banging my wife while i was at work ,,after the divorce i only dated large girls who can cook and have there own jobs and we split the bills 50/50. I have been with my soon to be new wife for 8 years and we still do not share a bank account , i have found that people who work for want they want respect things more than a person who gets it free, this counts for material things as well as relationships
2007-04-14 01:43:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was a very trusting person before him, now i dont think i'll ever be the same. it does change you. you are less trusting and like you said reg flags appear on everything. i've seen it happen with other people. i just know that for me ive been lied to and i just dont feel that i cant trust anyone
2007-04-14 01:37:58 · answer #6 · answered by estefany v 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My wife of 15 yrs died however that is kind of like a divorce..
Yes, my standards did get a bit higher...
2007-04-14 01:37:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nope, my standards remained the same. I still expect men I see to have a brain.
2007-04-14 01:37:32 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its normal for you to do that. you are looking for "the perfect one" now. someone that is totally opposite of your ex.But sorry to say that a perfect person dose not exsist. the right one might pass you buy if your looking too hard..
2007-04-14 01:38:31 · answer #9 · answered by VIRGO-06 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Animal says date a drummer. Animal won't cheat, he just needs food, drums and a good woman!
2007-04-14 10:35:22 · answer #10 · answered by Animal M. 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋