To marry or not?!?

Question

I was thinking about marriage and divorce. I would like to know from those who are married if the decision was worth it. Is marriage all that different from a seriously committed relationship? And from those who arent married, and dont plan on getting married...Do you really see a point in it? I have been in a committed on again off again relationship for the past 3-4 years or so and I dont see marriage more than just a leagal bond. Although... sometimes I do have the urge to get married.... Am I going crazy!?

Answer 1

Personally, I feel marriage is for two people who love each other without fail and without compromise. Committed relationships don't mean a thing except that you have the ability to make it uncommitted in no time flat. Marriage is a not only a legally binding relationship but one that is bound by love, trust and honesty, too. The person you marry is the most important decision you'll ever make. Marriage is not about you, but your spouse; it's about selflessness. It's for life, no excuses, though the compromises and hasty decisions people make today would make you think otherwise. According to the Bible, where the institution of marriage originated, it's a joining of two people in love whom are totally committed to each other regardless of circumstances. Love covers over all things...never compromise that and let it rule your heart.

On another note, never get something as silly as a pre-nuptial agreement...you've already ended the marriage right then and there by accepting the fact that something can and will go wrong and you won't be able to work it out. When did marriage become a game of who-gets-what when you divorce? Everyone has hard days...but love is forever. Let it guide you, listen to your heart. Find true love, it's out there, because God put it there for you!

Oh, and to answer your last question: yes, you are going crazy. Have some patience! The wait is always worth it! I'm not married, but I trust and believe in this. I have no doubts.

Answer 2

I think this is a really good question, and I wish there were more people out there considering the plus/minus points BEFORE getting married. Sometimes I think, it should be made harder to get married than to get divorced.
I guess your 'urge' stems from trying to secure the bond between you and your bf, to somehow ensure you stay together. Unfortunately, marriage (obviously, since so many people get divorced) does not do that. I had been in a 19 yr marriage, trying everything I could think of to make it work, and it didn't. Then again, it was difficult from the beginning. If you have been with your bf on/off for so long, try to figure out, what the off time did, and if you could act like that while being married. Or maybe, you are done being 'off' and this is it for both of you. I have a bf right now, and I do want to get married again. My reason is, that I know I want to be with him, and I know it can work with him, no reason why it shouldn't (like it was with my ex), and I want to be tied to him...think about it!

Answer 3

I'm on my 2nd marriage. Honestly, all I can say is to look at your relationship now. Marriage will not change that. If you're not sure, then hold off, maybe it's not the right person or time yet. My first marriage was because I felt I HAD to. I thought that everything would be better. It wasn't. I remarried and couldn't be happier! I have a husband that I can share anything with! He is my best friend, and my conscious. But the marriage license didn't do that - we had that before. Is it worth it? For me it was. But I know that we'd still be together if there was no marriage. I get the pleasure of tell people who ask me that I'm married to my high school sweetheart. I have the wedding day memories. You're not crazy! You're human!!

Answer 4

You are not going crazy, don't worry. I've had the same doubts. It's hard, especially after you have been married and divorce. As I read your question, I found in the back of my mind that I could live with someone without getting married, but I will feel incomplete, and I will be questioning why he doesn't want to marry me or why I don't want to marry. Eventually I will want to be a wife not just the living in GF. I think we have fears of failure, but hey, there is no guarantees in life. What I know for sure is that when you're married you feel more committed to make the relationship work.
There are wonderful couples that have been married for long time (like some of the people that answered in here), and it seems that they found the secret of a good marriage.
I found this website that I hope can help you:
http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/issues/2001/January/cohabitation.htm
Marriage, by definition, means, "I will always be here for you." Marrieds' longterm contract encourages emotional investment in the relationship. In contrast, cohabitation for most seems to mean, "I will be here only as long as the relationship meets my needs."


Good Luck!!

Answer 5

Marriage is much much more than a just a legal bond. From the start of the marriage with the wedding you are publicly stating to your family, friends and community that you are committed to the marriage. While in the marriage you don't think about this public commitment but it is always there.

If the unthinkable happens and you go through a divorce, it is more painful than you di-commit in a relationship.

The benefits of marriage legally, morally and spiritually far outweigh the benefits of any serious committed relationship. Marriage is great if you have the right partner, I speak from experience of 27 years of marriage. Good Luck.

Answer 6

I think the concept of marriage is losing ground in this day and age. As young people, we've been witnesses to horrible marriages, divorces..etc. We know the ugly side of marriage and we truly don't want a part of it.

Some young people still believe in the storybook romance in which two people become one.

Legalities can sometimes complicate a relationship. It can cause tension. It can cause heart ache.

You can still be in a committed relationship without doing the "do". What matters is that you choose to love this person unconditionally without the frills of marriage.

Answer 7

I used to be engaged while I used to be 24 and married while I used to be 26 Our marriage ceremony colours have been a light peach and chocolate brown We each and every had our brothers as witnesses (two complete), it used to be an overly small marriage ceremony (14 folks have been there adding us and our reverend) Our reception used to be held a month after our marriage ceremony, and we didn't have assigned seating, such a lot folks did not sit down, it used to be a cocktail get together We had a small chocolate cake after which a kind of cakes for folks to decide upon, I believe there have been five one-of-a-kind offerings We went to Maui for 2 weeks We bought married in Gleneden Beach, OR, a tiny the town at the coast, simply external of Lincoln City

Answer 8

If you have to think about it then don't get married.

Although marriage shouldn't be entered into lightly, it's not something that should cause stress.

If you must think about it, here's a thought...Marriage is not easy. You can be yourself but you have to give up a bit of yourself to make a marriage work. Your life is no longer your own, it belongs to you and someone else. When you make a decision it not only impacts you but it will impact the one you are married to.

Answer 9

Well for alot of people its a religion thing if you take that out of it then i don't think its really that different if you have a trusting relationship and you know you both are commited to eachother but another thing is some women like to have the same lastname as their children but its just to each their own you will know when its right for you to get married -best wishes to you !

Answer 10

i'm a guy who remained a virgin until marriage. it would have been worth it had my wife not have been "mental". I'm still with her, but to answer your question- yes & no. Yes, that i love the kids we had & no that she is never content.
Now if you get in a normal marriage, which are not that common, you can expect a mixed bag. You feel satisfied witha companion, but you have to learn to think from two perspectives which can be quite taxing. It is a gift from God, but how often do people let themselves be guided by God? Thus the problemo.
Anyway, you won't be at peace by looking to a man as the source, whether you are married or not.