How can you tell when someone's being abused?

Question

I think my freind is. I've known her for 4 years and lately she hasn't been acting like herself. She used to be really outgoing and now she's not, she comes to school with un explainable bruises on her body, but she won't tell me when or how she got them. She won't really talk to me anymore or any of our other friends, but she sort of just sits alone now. I want to help her, but how can I help her if she won't even talk? What should I do?We're 15.

Answer 1

You're a good friend.
Try telling your school counselor/teacher about your concern. I am a teacher and it is our responsibility to look over our student's welfare. Keep this concern of yours confidential. Otherwise, that would be gossip. If you are right, you might be the one person who can save her. Just try to observe and get to know more about her present life. But don't seem too intrusive.
Give her a visit at home if you are in that level of friendship. Make her know that you are there for her when she is ready to share whatever it is that is bothering her. If it is that serious, she probably will open up soon.

Answer 2

You have already told it.

Just changing from outgoing to closed is not enough in itself. That could mean anything.
But bruises which she won't explain are very worrying.

I think your question is more what you should do.

I think you should tell someone. Whether it's someone at school (schools have people for this!) or someone else is up to you. School sounds good.

You can confront your friend: Tell me where the bruises are from or I will take this up to someone.

Preparing for this, you can use the internet to do a bit of reasearch. Google or Yahoo for abuse. You will find that victims are ashamed and don't want it to come out.
But abuse doesn't stop all by itself, and if those bruises are abuse, then somebody went too far.

Ask yourself if you find that anyone can have the right to beat up a 15 year old girl.
Then act on your answer.

Answer 3

If she won't talk then you'll not know.. You're right.
The bruises could be abuse by another or inflicted upon herself or simply just being active or such.
People get bruises everyday and at times don't even remember where in the world it could have come from......
This could be the case and she may be "milking it" with you for all it's worth, so to speak.
That would be her manipulating you by playing the role of "Poor Me"... "I'll let you think I'm abused to get the attention I feel I need." A manipulator, so to speak... Not too unusual for some ppl unfortunately.

Her behavior could create a whole myrid of questions and assumptions since she's not responding to your questions.

If I were you, I'd tell her that if she didn't explain the bruising and attitude change to you that you intend to go to the authorities or the school and inform them of your concern.
You might get her to talk then. If not, I'd do just that... Contact the Police or Sheriff and tell them of your concerns.. Ask them to do what is called a "Welfare Check" on her at her home. They will do so.

Good Luck... and good for you for caring.

Answer 4

based on your description i would say that you're probably right. i would recommend talking to an authority figure, like a teacher or school counselor. you can be a good friend by (even though it's hard) sitting with her when she's alone, and if there's silence then it's okay. she probably really wants someone to be with her but she keeps to herself out of fear of her abuser. if she won't talk then don't talk, just sit with her so she doesn't feel alone and may speak up about it if you're a good friend and just consistent in your actions. and don't get discouraged, you're doing this for her, not to make yourself feel good because you helped someone, so you must be there for her if she decides to speak up or not... that's what friends are for.

Answer 5

Does she have any siblings you can talk to about what's happening at home--or at least what seems to be happening to her or the changes you've noticed in her? Are there any other relatives you can approach?

Tell her that you'll always be available and willing to talk to her when she's ready.

Also, confide in a counselor or teacher that she trusts and likes about what you've seen/noticed. A responsible adult needs to be made aware that she is in trouble, which she clearly is, and that may be in danger, which the bruises signify.

It may also be a good idea to keep a list of the day(s) she comes to school with these injuries and where they are. Turn this info. over to that adult; they will have to take you and your observations seriously. (Keep a copy for yourself.)

Consider continuing to "kick it up the ladder" if no adult tries to talk to her about what's going on or they repeatedly fail to intervene.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Well they could have bruises every where and they could hurt and if people ask them what happened if they look down at the ground or take a long time to answer that MEANS they are thinking of an answer to cover for the person who us abusing them......

Answer 7

One good way to help, is to wait until she talks about it, because that will come with trust building. Until then, just try to offer a converstion every now and then, and say "you wanna hang out for a bit", or wanna eat lunch together or something, but try not to ask what's wrong as she will talk about it when she's ready. Show her in little ways that someone cares about her but don't make it obvioous that you are going out of your way to do it

Answer 8

Here is what I think you should do....I think that you should talk to the counselor at school about it, or any other person of authority at school. They are supposed to investigate it or have it investigated by the police and/or child protective services. Your friend will probably get mad if/when she finds out because to her it will feel like an embarassment. She is not to blame but that is how she will feel. Look at it this way though, it is better to have a friend alive and mad at you then one who has been killed by abuse.

Answer 9

Usually those are pretty good indications. All you can do is tell her that you are here to talk and that you know something is not right. assure her that you are not there to judge. also you could talk to a councler at school and get some info on how to approach her. you don't want to embarrass her so try to refrain from using her name unless necessary

Answer 10

I would say your friend is being abused. A lot of times people who are being abused (normally by a significant other or spouse) will not tell anyone in fear they will be abused more. They tend to stay away from others so it does not slip up that they have been.