Would you kick your 17 year old daughter out?

Question

She has stolen from me, lied to me, been hateful to her brothers, she has even spoken badly to her nana and grandad. Her good friends have given up and now the crowd she hangs round with are cool , so i have kicked her out, she is 17yrs. i know where she is cos me and her dad played good cop bad cop but it has not stoppped me crying. what now genuine answers only please x

Answer 1

I am just about ready to kick my 16 year old daughter out.She makes me cry each and every day.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Short answer no. I don't have teenage child yet but I work with an organization that deal with them. Most children will try to break free from their parent once they reach certain age, mostly around 14 and above. You can't stop it from happened. You need to swallow some pride if you want her back. Examine the reason why she did what she did. You have to listen and reason with her. Best if both of you could sit together and have a heart to heart conversation. Listen to her and ask her to listen to you, don't start or get into arguments. Set some boundaries that both of you are comfortable with and start new.

This is what I learn while working at the teenage center (actually it also deal with people who have addiction and mental problem)

Phase 1. After birth - 5/6 years
Children learn mostly from their parent and sibling. They try to mimic everything their parent and sibling did. The fun years.

Phase 2. 7 - 14 years
They start to observe and mimic their community and surrounding but still refer to their parent and sibling. They ask a lot of questions so be very careful what you tell them in this stage. Try not to lie or at least minimize it 'coz they will resent you if and when the find out the truth when they reach Phase 3. This is also the time to instill whatever good value to which them to have. If you did something the opposite be prepare with a good answer.

Phase 3. 15 and above
They wanted to experience life by themselves but they still need you at least as a safety net. Something that they could goes back to whenever there is trouble in the horizon but whether you should bail them out or not depend on situation. This is the time where they regard you as friendly or unfriendly. At this stage you could only guide them to the right direction. Be a friend first then a mom. Be a good listener not an instructor. Suggest actions more than enforce (Yes you may enforce few things but careful 'coz the line is very thin).

It is always easier said than done. Good luck.

Answer 3

You abbrogated your parental responsibilities and acted like her when you kicked her out. Sorry, but that's the way I see it. You are supposed to be the parent, and care for your child. Forcing a minor child out of your home is not only wrong, it is probably illegal and could get you arrested. Certainly your daughter is screwed up, but tossing her to the wolves and the pimps and druggies and worse may get rid of YOUR problem, but does nothing to help HER problem. You need to stand up and face the fact your daughter needs intervention, and talk to a crisis center or counselor to see what should be done. Then FIND your daughter. Quit playing games (good cop bad cop is something from the movies!) and be the parent. Take the responsibility. Go get her and tell her how it will be.

Answer 4

It's tough but the whole world is letting her down, the last person she needs to let her down is her family.

However, I do understand that there's only so much a person can take. You obviously love her very much (does she know this?) It's good that you know where she is.

Maybe when things have calmed down a little, you could talk to her, calmly and not batting an eyelid with her responses, no accusations, no "taking sides" (you and her are on her side!) and let her know how it all makes you feel and ask her how you can help her - with her prepared to help you help her in return. Don't forget to tell her that you love her, even if you don't normally say it (especially if you never do!). Maybe there's things that she feel that she can't tell you because she "knows" how you would react. She may not intend to be hateful, it may be the only way that she knows how to protect herself?

You won't know until she talks openly with her and the only way to do that is not to judge her. Maybe she is avoiding something that you can help her with. She knows what she is doing and will need to see it for herself how she is letting herself down.

Good luck.

Answer 5

YES kick her out and give her a dose of reality and then become cold towards her i had to do that too my son before it tore my family apart and now i get on with him a lot better it will take a few years but a good shock of the real world is the best thing for them. But dont cave in even once because then she will feed off that and try to make you feel guilty.

Answer 6

The worst they act the more they're crying for help.

I understand that you may be on empty now; and need to get away from her. However, I would encourage you to leave a window open (it may be her Dad).

What options have you and your husband discussed? Do you have money to send her to a boarding school? Does she need drug/ alcohal rehabilitaion? (Employers often have programs for this) Will the military take her early? Is there other strong family members (aunts, uncles) who will take her in with a no-tolerance? Jail sounds cold and harmful, but when all else fails, this may be what jolts her to reality.

From the information you gave, you can either cry and wither up in despair or you can ask a bi-jillion questions and find a solution ... sit and cry ... find a solution.

I know you can do it (wink).

Answer 7

Unfortunately, there comes a time when you as the parent have to make a stand and for that child to understand that. That you Deserve to be treated with Respect as do her g/parents.....You will not tolerate her behaviour in your home..So You had no other choice other than kicking her out ..She will come to realize that she was in the wrong, choosing alot of wrong choices and the next place she'll possibly end up is in jail..and it may just take that for her to realize the wrong she's done. If she's with her dad (as you played good cop/bad cop, at least he can perhaps get her counselling as she is definately making alot of bad choices that will end up getting her in jail, in court , infront of a judge, and when that happens, you can't turn back the clock...She needs to become aware with tough love...and a firm ground...by you and her father , that it's not acceptable and you're trying to Help her*
All you can do now is pray that she "gets it" that these friends arnt her friends and she's on a nasty path of life that only she can change. You both can support her through counselling and maybe even family counselling but one of you need to find out deep down, what the Real reason she is retaliating so much.......GoodLuck* and hang in there~~

Answer 8

I know that this might sound weird, but I don't think that you should throw her out. I think this is the time that she needs you the most.She is a difficult child, but her behaviour is child like. I think that if you throw her out now her behaviour will continue to become worst. I think that you need to find some sort of support for your daughter, maybe some sort of anger management. Her behaviour towards your family is unacceptable, and she needs to be aware that her behaviour is having an affect on the rest of your family. I think that you need to take on the role of the head of the family, and tell her about her hurtful actions. Please get help for her instaed of throwing her out, I fear that if you kick her out she may resent you. At least if you throw her out, find her some sort of accomodation, like a open house or a hostel.
Take Care.

Answer 9

I got kicked out when I was 15 for being unruly but all our family was in turmoil any way and I was lashing out i'm sorry but to this day I could never forgive my parents for it and now i'm 33 happily married I could never do it to my daughters I would rather get them help for their irrational behaviour there is always a cause and a solution. sorry if I seem harsh but I am only giving my own honest answer :)

Answer 10

She is just 17 in her teenage. I know teenager r really very problematic to handle.
But the way u had behaved with ur daughter will not solve ur problem but will make the things more worst. She will be started hating u just bcoz u behaved that way and u didnt try tu understand her.

Go on a dinner or a lobg drive with ur daughter and talks to her openly whats bothering u and what u dont like abt her behaviour.
Dont expect her to care for her siblings. She needs ur care and love, maybe u care ur other children more than u care may be bcoz she is older to them but come on.. think she is still a kid. May be she doesnt like the way u care for ur other children and the way u care for her.

U need to understand her if u want her to understand u.
I am 20 yrs old. I dont have any problem with my mother and I love her alot. I can stand againts the world for my mother.

Even my mom does not agree with my and sometimes I too dont agree with her. We even do have arguements where she reacts very cool to me which I hate it.
She doesnt understand me but still she gives me what I ask for but she explains to me that what is good and what is abd for me and she leaves the rest on me.
She shows me that she loves me alot.


well I think u need to express ur love to ur daughter in such a way that she should stand by u.

There is a stupid a joke and its like.

Be good to ur children they r the one who is going to choose ur old age home.

I hope nothing this sort of happens with any1.
I hope I was useful to u!

Answer 11

ok. if me i would get her home on a friendly basis,sod what she has done ,not important at the moment tackle that later, earn her trust you have lost it somewhere along the way for some reason,, no disrespect..something is obviously wrong for her to behave in this way, dont know if this is a recent behaviour or a normal one (for you both),if she wont come to you ..you go to her.. she needs to know you love her..she feels bad right now so dont condem her.dont comment or critisize ..listen to her without judgment, hear her out..look into what she says and ask yourself where can i help, something may have happened to her that you are completely unaware of. you want your daughter back and safe you got to be patient and meet her needs, obviously ,if they are reasonable.respect her as an adult and not a child offer her reasonable boundaries ones which respect each others needs and wants, kids at this age feel they are adults even though they got alot of learning to do they still need to be consulted and respected as an important person who matters in your life. if she thinks you are going to let her leave she will just believe that you dont love her, if she sees you are willing to fight for her then u wont loose ...you kick her out she will be hurt
resentful and think you dont love her she will then rebel even more to hurt you both as much as she can for the hurt you have given her by giving up on your child //put yourself in her position how would you feel, not good ok.