My boyfriend and I were together 14 years, we have 2 kids. On New Years Eve after going out and having a great time, he said to me, I am just not into you anymore, and the family life is not for me. He moved in with his mother, he is 41. We had been apart before, for a year and a half. During that time he was seeing someone else. Then he told me he wanted his family back, so we worked it out. I thought things were wonderful, we always had fun, never fought. After leaving me and the kids for a 2nd time, he called the woman who he had been seeing when we were apart before. She took him back. I can't even get a date! He won't deal with our kids when they act up. He say's I don't live there what can I do? I get jealous because he get's away with everything. Everyone makes things easy for him. He lives rent free, then stays with his gf on the weekends he does not have the kids. He goes out has fun, his mother incourages it. I struggle to pay bills, he does pay support. I want fun too.
2007-04-13 13:59:32 · 14 answers · asked by Teslajuliet 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You don't need a third child. Make sure he continues to pay support and, hard as it is, try to get your focus off this immature, selfish loser and back onto rebuilding your life -- for your own sake and for the sake of the kids.
Being jealous and obsessed with his life is a lot easier than rebuilding a life of your own, but you have to do it -- it's the only way to enjoy the here and now, move on and find a life and possibly a new love that will bring you happiness, which you deserve.
Good luck, dear.
2007-04-13 14:50:17 · answer #1 · answered by sparticle 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can take comfort in the fact that it won't last forever for your ex. She will tire of it. What you need to do is move on. Don't make your kids pay for the mistake of living with the guy for 14 years. The thing about New Year's is he probably was already seeing her and had been waiting for a good time to tell you he was leaving. So, he chose New Years....a new year and a new life for him. You need to face the fact that you have been with a guy that was never committed. Be nice to him but not overly nice and don't take him back between girlfriends either. You will only make yourself miserable and totally confuse your kids. Take the next year to find yourself a better paying career so you won't have such a struggle to pay your bills, don't date anyone for any reason even if you do want to have fun. You need to get your life in order and having fun just doesn't fit in now. Spend time with your kids and be involved in their lives. They need you now more than ever. Good luck, Sweetie.
2007-04-13 14:17:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The downside is you put yourself in this position. Until you had a ring on your finger you never should have had your first child and living with someone for 14yrs is just dumb. So now what do you do? First how was child support decided? You should get a attorney and talk things over with him or her and try to decide what your best recourse is. Hit him where it hurts and that's the wallet. Why are you jealous? You want the life he's living at your expense time to change things. Time to take charge of things and stop the "Why Me" program. Things will change when YOU change them.........
2007-04-13 14:37:22 · answer #3 · answered by miester44 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are envious and jealous because you've been treated unfairly and it stinks.
It's time to stop focusing on him and move on with your life. You will need to do some work to build a life without him, but you can do it. Stop comparing yourself with him and wasting time and energy on him. Besides, his life isn't as great as it looks to you from the outside.
Instead be the great mom and woman that you know you can be. Be strong, capable, and loving, and your children will treasure you when they are older, and they will see your ex clearly for who and what he is.
Find a friend or family member to help out a bit and plan in some fun times to spend alone as well as with your kids. Get involved in a church if you aren't already. Look for one with some resources for those who are single and divorced. A good church can be a great support and help to you and also for your kids.
2007-04-13 14:11:33 · answer #4 · answered by happygirl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being envious/jealous of an ex who has more than you is very human.
Are you on good terms with his Mom? Can you tell her that he is not providing enough financial support? Or emotional support for his kids?
Perhaps he should take the kids over the summer and give you a break.
Perhaps you should ask the court for more money.
2007-04-13 14:22:35 · answer #5 · answered by Tina Goody-Two-Shoes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey!!! come on wake up and smell the coffee,your stupid boyfriend has his cake and eating it too,he's a damn jerk!!!,I can't believe he had the nerve to come back to you and leave you again a 2nd time,he's very lucky,a lot of women would have told him to F*ck himself!!!,anyway things are easy for him because you're making it easy for him,what's wrong with his mother? those are her grandkids,and she condones her 41yr old son's behavior,that's pretty pathetic,41 yrs old and living with mama!!! ha! ha! ha!,girl you have the upper hand,tell the asshole if he doesn't take more repsponsiblilty for his kids,then take his *** to court,if he has so much free time to have fun while you struggle,then let him pay for his fun,let's see how carefree he is,when they make him pay what it's worth for fathering 2 kids!!!,anyway stop letting this man treat you like a doormat,just concentrate on your kids,and you,this asshole is a lost cause,find someone that will love you and respect you:) good luck honey
2007-04-13 14:23:32 · answer #6 · answered by msalb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go after child support if you already haven't. Don't worry what comes around goes around. One day his Mother will get tired of his freeloading and the lady will also tire of him and he will be calling you begging you back, that will be your turn to say no. You are still in love with him and that is why you feel that way. At his age he should have already made something of his life, so I sure wouldn't be jealous of that.
2007-04-13 14:08:37 · answer #7 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, what you're feeling in normal and natural. He seems to be having "the good life"....BUT, look what he's missing! He's missing his kids and their everyday lives. He's missing a wife that loves him. He's missing out on the greatest thing in life.....family! Having said all that, now, to you. Get your Mom to watch the kids, and go out "with the girls" for a night of fun. No men involved....that's not the answer. Just go out, have some fun, dance, and "let your hair down". You don't have to do anything "wrong", just get out of the house. Your EX is going to regret the way he is doing his family! Good Luck!!
2007-04-13 14:09:33 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You need to set some goals for yourself and get busy. Do something to make your situation better. I know it is difficult, however, you do not have a choice. Go and file for child support, that is his obligation to his children. Go back to school and earn a college degree; take on-line classes. And don't feel jealous or envious of insanity. He is making some horrible choices for a man of 41 years of age. Good luck and God bless****
2007-04-13 14:08:56 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK I don't like saying it but I will: He's a jerk and you are a fool. Quit taking him back. Dont do it again. (And PS....you should have gotten married before you had kids.) No getting married is no guarantee....but hello, if he isn't willing to marry you and commit to being a husband, then he d@mn sure is willing to commit to being a parent!
Take the kids over to his mothers (or his girlfriends, better yet!) when he is there....drop them off, get in your car and drive off for 3 days. When you come back to get them, I guarantee there will be a bit more willingness to cooperate.
People will take as much advantage of you as you let them.
2007-04-13 14:08:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋