Is married life really as bad as people say?

Question

If the divorce rate is higher than 50% is it really worth it to get married? I am 18 and I have been really depressed lately because my boyfriend and I broke up. We were together for 2 years and I feel like I am never going to stay with one man forever. I always wanted to get married and have a great marriage but it seems impossible to me. My parents aren't happy. My dad is a loner - always has been and he is not affectionate. He spends all of his time on the computer and barely says 2 sentences to me or my mom. They have been married for 19 years. She told me yesterday that she used to care that he wasn't spending time with her but now she doesn't. This was why me and my bf broke up b/c for the past month he hardly wanted to spend time with me and when I finally spoke up about it he turned it around & made it look like it was my fault and he broke up with me. I just don't want to end up like my parents and I want to know if it is really rare for a marriage to last.

I also want to know if you can be happy in a marriage or will everyone eventually end up not speaking?

Answer 1

My husband and I have been married for 21 years, and I love being married. He is my partner, my lover, my best friend. But you are correct in realizing that so many marriages are unhappy or end in divorce. It doesn't have to be that way for you, though.

The key to a happy marriage is to choose your life partner very carefully. Decide now what kind of man you want to be the husband and the father of your children. Then go about becoming the kind of woman who would attract such a man. You need to be strong, confident, capable, compassionate, considerate . . . to attract a quality man who is the same.

The best advice ever given to me was to make a list of qualities I wanted in a husband and father and to put that list in order of importance. To decide in advance which were negotiable or non-negotiable items and then to stick to it and refer to it often while dating.

For example, one of the things I wanted was a man who would fit in well with my family. When I dated a young man who didn't hit it off with my family, I knew he wasn't the one I was looking for and that I needed to keep looking. That takes confidence, commitment, and a clear head. You can't make an important life decision like a marriage partner solely out of your emotions and feelings. You have to step back and use your head.

Best wishes.

Answer 2

Well, let's run through the facts you have above. Is the divorce rate 50%. Yes it is. However, the divorce rate for people on their first marriage is 20%. Which means that the people who have been married two or more times contribute to the majority of divorce cases. You have a 1 in 5 chance in divorcing if this is your first marriage, not a 1 in 2.

I would say those are pretty good odds.

As for breaking up with your boyfriend - trust me when I say this - go out and live life for a bit. At least until you are 22.

As for marriages that last, I've been married for 8, still going strong. My parents - 35 this year. My grandparents - 76 years until they died (with 2 days of each other - natural causes). Friends - 1 is on his second marriage - 8 years. Another is at 16 years. Some I know are beyond 20 years. And I know some that have been married 5 times.

At the end of the day, marriage is hard work, and it is up to you to make sure that it works. You can have the most wonderful marriage, if you get someone who you love, who loves you, and if both of you are committed to making it work.

Answer 3

Marriage isn't has bad has all that.One of the reasons the divorce rate is so high.Is that too many people jump into marriage way to soon.And there are others whom get married even though their relationship is already in trouble.They think that their partner will change once they get married.Which ofcourse will never happen.They also make the mistake of having children with someone they hardly know.And end up marrying them without making sure they are a compatible couple.Not only is it harmful to the children being brought into such corcumstances.It is hard to get to know each other has people.If you jump from strangers to parents and or spouses.I came from a home that was about has broken has it gets.When I was younger I always thought that marriage wasn't good.Becuase all of the adults around me who were married or in my parents case divorced.Were miserable and made everyone around them the same.I alway swore I wouldn't ever get married because I didn't want to end up like everyone else.But I have learned that not all marriages are bad and not all married people live to make their spouses lives hell.I have been with my hubby since I was 17 and married to him since I was 19.We have been Married for 15 year a week from tuesday.And we have always had an excelllent relationship.We live to make each other happy not misearable.One of the things we did that I feel make up sucessful has a couple.Is that we took the time to be a couple and figure out this marriage thing.Before we drug kids into the equation.I hope this info helps answer some of your questions.

Answer 4

It's only bad when two people aren't truly meant to be together especially if they have absolutely nothing in common. Two people that take that step down the isle really should think about taking a marriage course before they get married so they are absolutely sure about the whole thing. You sound very cynical about the whole idea of marriage and with divorce rates that are high enough it does you make you think and it's scary to even think the one you have pledged your life to has some kind of hidden secret you know nothing about. Trust, honesty, and love are the key ingredients to a happy successful marriage. Just remember this how a man treats you now is how he will be when you get married. If the guy is controlling or manipulative get out while you can.

Answer 5

It is certainly not rare for a marriage to last, you only have to be sure you marry the right person. You should actually be happy your relationship ended before you got married. My parents have been married for 47 years, and they still get along perfectly well.
I personally believe you are just trying too hard to find someone to be with, and you end up with the wrong one. Just be patient, be yourself, and if it really is meant to be, love will find you. Or maybe, it won't happen. Just don't go looking for it.
I was also happily married for quite some time until one day my husband died. Life seems so unfair sometimes, but we just have to accept it and move on the best we can, whether married or alone.
Good luck, and remember, just be yourself.

Answer 6

Well, I'm pretty sure that if I had married at 18 that it would have ended up badly. At that age, I didn't have enough confidence in who I was myself to be as giving as *both* people in a marriage need to be in order for it to be successful. I also hadn't lived enough to know with few doubts, throughout a marriage, that marriage was the right choice for me. I hadn't met enough people to know that *this particular one* is the right person to spend the rest of my life with, without wondering if there might be someone better out there.

And, of course, there are some people who are ready for that at 18.

And, some people aren't ready for that at 40 or 50 or ever.

It's probably rare for a careless or rushed marriage to last, a marriage where one or both partners realizes that they shouldn't have married who they did, when they did. But a mature marriage, where both partners really thought about not only how they wanted marriage to be, but how their partner wanted marriage to be and was ready to make that commitment to that person... I'm pretty sure that it would be rare for a marriage like that to end badly at all.

Answer 7

OK, we've been happily married for over 36 yrs. and I can honestly tell you that ANY relationship - married or otherwise - can either succeed or go straight down the toilet, depending on the presence or absence of a few key factors.

In no particular order, they are:

1) A long list of common interests; things you both enjoy doing TOGETHER as opposed to separate interests and separate groups of friends.

2) A lot of tolerance for each other's differences. As much as you share in common, you're still going to rub one another wrong from time to time. Be mature and deal with it. Separate the small $h!t from the serious stuff.

3) A sense of compromise; so that you can work out your problems with a minimum of emotional trauma. It's marital negotiation.

4) A sense of sympathy and forgiveness. You're both going to screw up on occasion. You need to be able to forgive, forget, and move on with the relationship.

Couples have to remember to take the time to get to know one another BEFORE they jump into a relationship or a bed.

If you don't take about a year to discuss all the important issues with your partner, you're just asking for a "rude awakening" in a year or two.

Marriage is not rocket science; it just takes two people who understand what love is, and who have enough integrity to BE THERE for each other when the going gets tough, instead of just bailing-out at the first sign of difficulty.

Answer 8

By the way I love Nirvana. I have been married for 12 years now and I married young. I am 34 now and I love it! I think over time the energy can leave the wine so to speak if the couple lets it.
What I see happen alot is that couples get into negatives cycles and scripts and nothing new is brought to the relationship. I always just try to be myself and my wife loves it just like I love her ways. Life is to short not to really seek someone you can share your soul with. I know many people have written on here and that my answer will get lost in transit but real marriage does work but you can't rush into. Try living with the man you love first. Then you can see what real life is like with them. NIRVANA RULES!

Answer 9

My husband and I have been married for almost nine years, and we are happier now than ever. It takes hard work, a lot of compromise, and a good listening ear and you cannot be selfish. You get out of marriage what you put into it. I suggest some counseling for you before you get into a marriage. Your mindset isn't right because of what you have witnessed with your parents. You already have the wrong impression of what marriage should be. Seek some counseling. If you can't afford it, or have no place to seek it, I suggest a local church. They usually have counseling for free and aren't as preachy as you would think. Hang in there, honey.

Answer 10

It all depends on the two(2*) people involved in the marriage..... The divorce rate in America is 50% that means that 50% succeed and 50% Fail.......... It is better to have loved than not to have loved at all........ However some people enjoy being single and don't gravitate to being married and they are happy....How do I know, because I am one of them.........