I don't have a close family. What is your view on my parents not calling or coming to see their only grand children. (When you only live 20 min. away. They were not very nurturing to me? They are very selfish and the kids hurt from it.
2007-04-13 11:10:42 · 18 answers · asked by Sparkles 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My mom has always adored my brother the crack head 39 and still lives with her. My dad has always chased women and never really cared. I've always extended the "Olive Branch" but I think sometimes it's just better to let go and break the cylce.
2007-04-13 11:19:36 · update #1
Oh by the way my son is 15 and daughter is 8 and we are moving to PA closer to husbands family (which are 1000 miles away and are very loving etc...) They have always kept in touch and come every vacation they get and call at least 3 times a week. My folks know we are moving and still make no effort to be apart of their (our) lives. Thanks for all of your comments, I knew I was making the right decision.
2007-04-13 11:44:21 · update #2
YOU are the parent now, and you must think of the future.
Your children will only suffer from this if you define this as suffering to them---they truly don't know the difference. Most importantly, you are there, and you are the most important provider/nurturer/role model in their lives anyway, even if there was a big extended family nearby. Your children look to you to learn how to deal with life, the good and the bad. You can teach them self-confidence and realism, or you can teach them fear and resentment----it's all up to you, and the way you relate to life, as they are watching YOU.
Accept your parents decisions---you can't control what they do. But you CAN cope positively with your life and "model" this for your children who are the future. No one will have a perfect life, and they won't either. They have to learn how to deal with loss and conflict with dignity. They also should never, ever be burdened with pitying YOU. If they are it is too much for children to handle.
2007-04-13 11:19:43 · answer #1 · answered by papyrusbtl 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like they're not nurturing people and they don't value closeness within the family. Doesn't necessarily mean they don't care, it's just the way they are. I'd try to be respectful, but don't force the issue or go out of your way to extend any olive branches, either. As far as your own children, I'd let them know in a KIND way that that's just the way they are and not to feel hurt by it.
2007-04-13 18:24:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You cant change your parents but that doesnt mean that you cant make a close family for your children. All the nurturing that i didnt get from my parents I would give to my children and teach them to be nurturing. I would still want my children to know their grandparents so I would encourage small visits and calls for the holidays. One day your children will realize that their grandparents are selfish but they will also know that despite everything you still managed to keep them a family.
2007-04-13 18:21:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that I wouldn't let the kids be hurt by it, if it were me. My parents & my husbands parents have all passed away, so, obviously, the kids don't know them at all (stepdaughter has some memories, son has vague memories). It's not the worst thing in the world to not have active grandparents in your life. Just don't make a big deal about it with the kids. If they bring it up, say "Grandma & Grandpa are busy & they aren't very 'huggy-touchy-visity' people, anyway".
2007-04-13 18:15:39 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's probably better that they don't come around if they aren't very loving. They are missing out on all the fun though. My kids grandmother has a pillow that states "If I would've known grandchildren were going to be this much fun, I would've had them first." As long as you love your children and show them you care they will begin to understand when they are older. Do you go visit them? Have you talked to your parents about this? Sometimes talking helps.
2007-04-13 18:15:45 · answer #5 · answered by chunkysmom3502 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously since they were not nurturing with you they are not that type of people. Its a wonder how you became nurturing growing up in that environment. Go see the other grandparents some day your parents will wish they had a better relationship with their grandchildren.
2007-04-13 18:16:58 · answer #6 · answered by fortyninertu 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're just going to have to accept the fact that that is the way your parents are, have been, and always will be.
If your parents are not family oriented, you can't logically put everyone in an awkward position for the grand kids.
You can't change who they are, or how they are. So what time they do spend with your kids, just be glad for that.
2007-04-13 18:24:21 · answer #7 · answered by Ella 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like they don't need to be in your life at all. If they can't even drop by and see you, let alone their grandchildren, that's pretty low. Especially if they live minutes away, even if they lived miles away that would still be wrong. My grandfather lives in North Carolina and comes to see me sometimes. Even though it might be around the holidays, at least he tries! Tell them if they don't start, they will not even be able to talk to you on the phone or visit you at all. Hopefully you will be able to work things out.
2007-04-13 18:39:30 · answer #8 · answered by c0untrygrl31 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
They are not into you or your kids, leave them out of your life, do not discuss it in front of your kids. It is their loss, but there is nothing you can do about it. Do not let it eat you up.
Your kids will NOT be hurt by it, unless you use this to hurt them, DO NOT do that, there is no benefit to telling the kids what is going on (or what is not going on)
After the additional comment....You are better off without them in your life, you do not want your kids to be around a crackhead or a womanizer, do you (not knowingly)?
2007-04-13 18:16:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would write them a long heart felt letter explaining to them what they are missing out on,And how hurt you ALL feel from their absence.
Explain to them the longer they leave it the worse it will get,You do not want to introduce them to their ONLY grandkids when they are grown up!!! kids need their nans and grandads. Its disgusting as they only live 20mins away.
I would end the letter,i'm not asking you to come everyday just once a week, You live only 20 mins away, If we dont hear anything from you then i wont ask you again and i will just assume you dont want 2 see your grand kids. I will then explain it to them when they are older.
I hope it works out 4u.
2007-04-13 18:19:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋