How can I tell him I'm just one person???

Question

How can I tell my man that I'm only one person?
I've been with my boyfriend for three years now. At first, he helped me all the time, and was very sweet. Now, things have changed drastically. We have a one year old daughter, which I do the lion's share of raising, along with my two children from a previous relationship. I do all the cooking, and 75% of the housework. I also take the children to daycare and pick them up every day. I work 48 to 56 hours a week, and after my ten hour days, I am often exhausted. What compounds my frustration is that while I stay up until 1 AM cleaning the house (like last night), he is up playing the XBOX 360 live and talking to his friends on it. He is on it 5 or 6 hours a day. When I hint that I need help, he says I'm riding his ***. He is a person that doesn't like to talk about anything, ESPECIALLY his mistakes, and can never be wrong. I'm getting more and more frustrated as I get more and more exhausted. Any ideas?

Answer 1

Well, he already knows you are only one person. The problem is that he doesn't care that you do the lion's share. If he truly cares about you, then he would listen to your concerns about how exhausted you are and that you NEED his help with certain things. If he keeps blowing you off because he thinks you are riding his ***, then you have to decide if you can live with a guy whose lifestyle you will end up forever supporting.

Answer 2

I had the same problem with my ex-husband. He was ALWAYS playing video games... up until 2-3:00 in the morning. And I basically took care of our daughter all by myself. I also did about 75% of the housework, and worked full time, AND went to school full time. He would even have the nerve to tell me to drop our daughter off at my mom's so she could watch her while I was at school.

Well, we're divorced now. We were two totally different people when we got married. I guess we really didn't know each other very well back then. I always thought he would be a good father from seeing him around his nieces and nephews... but he moved 2500 miles away from his own little girl. And talks to her less than once every few months.

Good luck with everything... but you don't need a third child, which is what it sounds like you have right now. Make sure that you're happy. I spent 5 years in an unhappy marriage. Now I'm with a man who treats me right, and he treats my daughter like she's his own.

Answer 3

Now, without knowing what he does or how much he works, I'm going to assume that both of you are busting your rear ends to make ends meet. Breaking his 360 is only going to make for more problems because they're expensive and then he'll sit for hours being pi**ed off over the broken 360. Tell him you aren't riding his *** and you should tell him that the house doesn't clean itself and until he can show you how Gears of War can do laundry he'll need to get off the couch and pitch in.

Yeah he doesn't want to clean. I put in a 45 hr week and the last thing I want to do is come home and cook or do laundry but it's gotta get done.

That being said, don't think that if he's working and pitching in around the house that he doesn't still need his game time later. That would just start the fight again.

Answer 4

Stop doing everything.

1) No one ever nagged anyone - let alone a man - into changing their behavior.

2) Be sure to take care of the things relating to your kids. Obviously don't wait around for him to pick up the slack there - even if it is infuriating - because your kids need care; end of story

3) Stop cleaning the house. Do YOUR laundry & the kids' laundry. Do YOUR dishes & the kids' dishes. Do shopping for you & the kids.

I hate a messy house as much as anyone, but maybe letting the vacuuming, dusting, and other chores go undone for a while will compell him to do his fair share.

Another strategy: Ask him to do something, and say "Hey, by the end of the week would you please do ______", then don't mention it to him for the entire week. He's a big enough boy to father a child, he's a big enough boy to handle some household responsibility. If by the end of the week he hasn't done it, then by all means you have every right to call him out on it. Sometimes I think men don't see the urgency of "getting things done" to the same extent as women.

Bottom line: he needs to be more of a partner to you, but hounding him about it is the wrong way to go about things. I don't think his laziness is a sign of him not caring about you; it's not that black & white. Sometimes men are tools and need to be compelled to start acting like men, not boys.

However, if he's failing to communicate with you alltogether - even when you're not nagging - then maybe you should reevaluate what he's adding to your life other than stress and more dirty clothes...

Good luck!

Answer 5

It is time for a very serious talk. One night, after the kids are in bed, sit down with him and simply tell him that while you know he works hard, you do as well and you simply need him to help out more. Period. Do not get in an arguement, toss out examples or do anything that sounds like you are blaming him as, if what you say is true, it will only get him on the defensive. If he refuses, or says he is too tired, than point out how his helping you would allow the both of you more time together (as I am sure you're being so tired and frustrated has dampened the romance). And, if he still refuses, be honest. If you know you simply can not continue in a relationship like this, lay that out. He needs to know that his inactions have consequences and what they could be.

Answer 6

Personally I get more response from my hubby when I use a humorous approach. He hadn't cleaned a toilet for 5 years so... I bought a new toilet brush and gave it to him as a gift and told him it even came with free lessons. he got the hint and has actually picked up a toilet brush now and then.

He also likes direction from me such as: Hey, I'll do the dishes, how about you vacuum. then I'm starting laundry...you've got picking up the living room. then when he stays on his puter and I am all done I laugh at him and say "you're gonna be up til 1:00 finishing your stuff" I do it like we can laugh about it together. sometimes I will help him knowing he will be more likely to be more willing next time.

I know it is hard not to be angry or frustrated but take a deep breath and try to add some humor to your approach.
Good Luc

Answer 7

Don't do the work and see what happens. Take a day or two off for yourself. Tell him he will have to fend for himself. I'm sure he won't starve. Also make sure if the laundry needs done just do yours. He will either decide to help or leave. In either case you will either be in the same situation-doing everything yourself OR he will learn to help. If he can't talk things out then your relationship isn't doing very well anyway. Sounds like he has a slave and likes it that way. In my opinion I would probably look for a new boyfriend that didn't take you for granted. Also the Xbox can be hidden. Good Luck

Answer 8

Who and how the hell did your house get so destroyed, that you had to clean til 1 am? I digress

Do NOT do anything to that XBox. Put the bat down.

I agree with Sapphire_Blaze. You take care of yourself and your child and then take out some time for you. Probably the reason why he is acting this way is because YOU CAUGHT. He did what he had to do to get you. Now the chase is over, it's all on you. Don't let him think that. You let him fend for hisself. Actions speak louder than words.

You tell him, you want a mama, you go to your mama house. If you two signed a lease, when the time is up and he hasn't show any signs of cooperation, move on Martha, move on.

Answer 9

You definitely are the backbone of this family.
You need help plain and simple. You cannot be expected to take on what you are taking on all alone. He needs to understand that he is not doing enough. If you love him and want to work it out , you need to get some kind of marital or partnership counselling.
It sounds like he's not growing up at the same rate in. which you have been. Tell him that you love him, but you need his help.
Sit down with him and try to make a list of everything that needs to be done and try to divide these responsibilites evenly according to the spare time which is availabe to both of you. It's a fair way. If this doesnt work, then you need to reevaluate your relationship and take appropriate actions.

Answer 10

Hide the X-Box and tell him some household chores need to be done before play time.

He's a man that helped bring a baby into the world. It's not your job to raise him too! Tell him to get up off of his azz and help out or you're going to hire a cleaning service to come in once a week and he's going to pay for half of it.