I need help trying to figure out my husband?

Question

I have been with my husband for 10yrs. now and we have been married for 5yrs. Just until about a 1yr ago he was overweigt. He lost like 50-70 lbs. But anyways can that change you like the way that you act and feel!?!?! When he started making a difference he had told me that he wasn't in love w/me anymore, that he didn't feel the spark that he once had in our realationship. Now a yr later he tells me that he loves me (but not as much as he did before). I still tink at times that he is just w/me b/c of our kids. I think that he has a thing for a girl that he works with. It just seems funny that she knows everything about me. So I know that they spend allot of time together. But I think thats where I'm confused. I don't know if he is messing around w/her(b/c her & her husband are having problems too) or what. He used to call me everyday from work and he doesn't that much anymore!! I just sit and think the worst. I never thought that this would be happening to me!! I need some advice!!

Answer 1

You need to have a deep conversation with your husband about all the concerns you have. Losing weight can make you feel better about yourself, have more confidence but it shouldn't change his feelings for you. Now, I have a question for you, 50-70 pounds is a lot of weight to lose in 1 year. Did he lose this weight simply by dieting or does he have an underlying health concern?
Some diseases, like diabetes for example, can make you lose weight as well as change your outlook and moods. It can even change how you feel emotionally. Rule out health problems, then move on to the problems you 'think' you might have.
As for the girl at work, maybe she has paid attention to him and he's feeding on it. You say you 'think' he has a thing for her. If he's talking about you to her, though, and she knows everything about you, it sounds to me like he spends more time thinking of you than of her. He's certainly spending more time talking about you.

Answer 2

I think you already know the answer to this one just by your comments. When a man or woman start making a drastic change in their appearance and Attitude towards you, you can just about bet there is another woman/man in the picture. You confirm my suspicion by saying there is another woman in his office that is also having trouble with her husband. Maybe you and her husband need to talk and compare notes. It is better to be safe than sorry and not left out in the Cold wondering what the H*** happened. Be prepared for the worst. I am afraid you will be seeing a Lawyer and real soon. Its best to know now before you waste any more of your life, and your Kids WILL know when Mom and Dads not happy. Do NOT stay together for the sake of the kids, my parents did and it really messed Us Kids up bad...

Answer 3

Hi! Been there! My hubby lost a lot of weight and things changed drastically for us. When you lose that much weight you develop a stronger self confidence. I am sure that a lot of the insecurities he had has diminished. When you have children involved you have to think about what will be best for them. Do you really want them to go through the back and forth of your relationship? Psychologically, it can hurt them in the future. If you think that your hubby is having relations with another woman and she DOES know a lot about you AND her and her hubby are having problems, then they probably do have something going on. I know that this is now what you want to hear, but don't you think you NEED to hear this? Be truthful to yourself. Don't put yourself through this stress. Severe stress makes women age prematurely because the stress cause the DNA in our cells to shrink until they can no longer replicate. So when we are stressed we look haggard. And that is definitely something you don't want. Try this, try not to be so needy. Don't act like you care so much (even though you do). If he calls you and wants to do something or come over, tell him that you are busy or that you have other plans. Maybe this will make him realize what he has and that he doesn't really want to abandon that. Hope this helps.. Good luck!!

Answer 4

What is he thinking playing with your emotions that way? One day he's not in love with you anymore, the next day he is? When he married you he made a promise to you for LIFE and he is not fulfilling that promise by putting you through this! You need to sit him down and let him know that you will not stand for this. He needs to know that you are very serious! Tell him that you would rather be alone than with someone that can't make up thier mind if they want to be with you or not (say it even if you don't mean it to shake him into reality.) Tell him that you promised each other you would be there for each other for life and that you can't stand the feeling that he could be messing around on you so if he is he needs to tell you because it's not fair to you or your children. Be strong and let him know that you mean business!! If he decides to leave you, take him for everything he's worth no matter how much it hurts, you deserve better than this.

Answer 5

Well first you don't know that something is "happening" to you. It could just be normal problems that husbands and wives have. That he would talk to her a lot is to be expected, after all they are at work together everyday. It's takes a lot less time to tell someone your life story than you think.

Fact is he was calling you too much before, this is much more normal. Don't read too much into that point. All you can do is either ride it out, or get rid of him. There are no other choices. If you choose to ride it out, you need to trust him, but talk to him too. Ask him what is going on, but don't tell him "you can tell me anything, I won't get mad". Guys know that is not true and will instantly put up their guard.

Hope things work out.

Answer 6

First, it sounds like since he lost his weight, his self-image has probably soared and he is enjoying his new body image. Secondly, maybe he is getting a lot more attention from this co-worker and he is liking it. But that is not fair - he IS a MARRIED man. I would be suspicious that he is getting involved with this woman. And a good sign is the fact that he told you he doesn't feel the same for you. You two definitely need to talk. Remind him he is a married man and he cannot have it both ways. Let him know he has changed since his weight loss and it is affecting your marriage. If you don't want to mention the co-worker...I'd at least give him his options - do you want to stay in this marriage or do you want out. If wants to stay in the marriage, he needs to act like it and work at it. If he doesn't, it is better you know now than he drops it on you like a bomb later. I wish you the best. You deserve better than this.

Answer 7

You need to talk with him it appears he is losig thios wait because he is trying to make himself sexier for another women. If he says he does not love you anymore why stick around. If is very possible he is messing around with this other woman, or atleast he is having an emotional affair with her which is even worse then just cheating because he is putting his heart into it. Really I think counselling is required and if that is a no go then I would say time for seperation then divorce. I believe you are right when you say he sticks with you for the kids it is most likely true. Men know that divorce costs alot of money becuase you got alimony,child support, and other costs and is easier to stay until the kids get old enough to take care of themselves then they choose to leave. Really life is to short to stay in a dead marriage
time to call it quits because he sure has already.

God Bless and Good Luck/Best wishes

Answer 8

Now is the perfect time for you to start concentrating on you. What things do you like? How do you want your hair, your clothes....do you want to lose weight or firm up?

All of your concerns are based solely on your feelings as he is not sharing his with you. Your husband could very well be cheating, now that he's getting the attention he wasn't getting when he was 50-70lbs heavier. He has changed his life, and I guess you thought that things would remain the same. But that's kinda hard to do, when people's lives change. Not saying that you should go and change your life just because he has, but maybe you should start looking into yourself for a while. Get out with some friends, do some fun, light-spirited activities, perhaps you hadn't done since college (or high school).

I really believe you should start looking into you. My husband went through something similar and his complaint was that I needed to "get a life". It wasn't so much that he didn't want to be with me, he just didn't want me to be up underneath him. It was time for me to start taking care of me...feeling and looking sexy for me.

Now is the time for you to learn how to love yourself without needing to hear it from anyone else. Stop worrying about him and start worrying about YOU!!!

Good luck!

Answer 9

well all I can say is that u need to talk to him about this and make him understand that u r always there for him no matter with lige had to put u guys through just becuz he has this thing for this girl at work he is ruining a marriage and also his kids future so talk to him and try to do things together like going out ro just spending a evening together alone so that u both could get that love and romance back in ur life n as for that girl u should talk to her also tell her becus of this ur life is not going the way it should

Answer 10

Speaking from experience - when you lose that much weight, you do change. Mostly because everyone and how they act towards you changes, which makes you change.

Yes, your husband may be having an affair.You can hire a PI to trail him, or you can do some investigating on your own.

Follow your feelings - if you feel he is having an affair, he probably is. He's probably getting better at covering his tracks (experience helps).

Try going to family counseling - that may help. Good luck.