I can not take the name calling anymore!?

Question

I have been married for 11 years now we have 5 beautiful kids, yeah I am not have the 17 year old body that he had when we first met, but I have had 5 kids I know that is not an excuss for me to over weight, I am not really fat I am about 2 pants size differ. But he calls me names so bad it hurts so much I am almost at the point that I hate him and why am I with him, but I have 5 kids. Every name in the book that you could possibly call a women the man of my life has called me it. he asked why am I unsecure and no confindence I tell him it is because of him. I tell him all the time that I can not take the name calling but he does it anyway. He thinks that is something he can say that will make me listen to him when he gets mad. how can the man that I love and he is my husband call me such bad names. He tells me that he will not love me for me, he cares what I look like on the outside he will not love me fat, he tells me that if I ever look like a friend he will not do you know what.

Answer 1

It's simple. Don't tolerate it!

When the abusive language begins, just walk away. Leave the room. Refuse to listen to the crap. You're an adult - behave like one! If he doesn't like it, too bad. People can have disagreements all the time without stooping to name calling. That's very childish. Do you call him names back?

And stop blaming him for your insecurities. If you want to do something, get up and do it! If you want to take some classes, or go out with friends, or whatever, do it. Stop whining.

You also say he says he doesn't love you, or won't love you. Then why would you want to be with someone that doesn't love you??? Call this silly child's (for he isn't a mature man) bluff. For example: the next time he tries to bargain or manipulate you by saying that he won't love you if you don't look a certain way, calmly reply, "Oh, well then there's no point in continuing the marriage since you just said you don't love me. I certainly won't stay in a relationship where there is no love." He will then begin to backpedal and say, "That's not what I said you dumb *)^#! I said it's because of the way you look!" And you can again say, "You obviously don't love me the way I am so too bad." Then get up and LEAVE. Leave the room; leave the house if you have to, but leave. Refuse to argue or listen to him. Let him stew it over in his mind for several hours. Go to a relative's house, to a movie, over to see a friend, whatever. But stop playing this stupid game with him! Take responsibility for your choices as an adult. Perhaps then he will begin to have some respect for you. For until you respect yourself, why should anyone else? And there can be no love where there is no respect.

You are an adult. You make your own choices - not him. In fact, that's what scares him. He's afraid you'll find out your own power.

Now go be strong!

Answer 2

You have a class "A" jerk for a husband. If he loved you he wouldn't hurt you like this. Tell you what he will do...these are the type of guys who screw around on you and then when discovered say they were unfaithful because you left them no option.
Telling you to walk away is simple. we all know in reality that this can't happen immediately what with 5 kids, property and whatever else at stake. But...were I you, i'd be secretly making plans and arrangements so one night or day...especially if he isn't sround, you can bundle the kids up in the car, toss a bunch of clothes in the trunk and hightail to the location you've picked out and start divorce proceedings.
Its a must because it'll never change. he enjoys degrading you because he's a gutless and chickensh*t excuse for a husband and father. He deserves someone who has the same inferior qualities as himself or lower.
Its apparent you come no where close to fitting that bill so do it and be glad you're rid of the jerk.

The very best of luck. And believe me..there are men out there who will gladly take the 5 kids and you and your 2 size larger pant size. Some of us see you for the person you are and not how you look.

Answer 3

You need to keep him from beating you down anymore emotionally. Eventually you'll end up resenting him and things have little hope at that point. Get out around other people more... ones with a more positive outlook or even just anyone but him. The constant beratement can really wear you down, and the lower the self esteem, the less likely you are to do anything about it because he has more and more control over you.

See if he'll go to counseling, alone, together, or both. He may have some issues he needs to deal with. I have known people who felt better when they put others down.

If you can get him to counseling, hopefully he will see what he has been doing, and change his ways. But do this quickly, before the resentment sets in.

If he won't consider counseling, and doesn't think there is anything wrong with treaing the woman he loves and married like this, then he needs to see that you won't be married much longer.

Best of luck.

G

Answer 4

I'm sorry you are going thru this. There is no reason a spouse should talk to the other that way. Just because you gained a few extra pounds since you first met does not mean you are any less beautiful than before. Both my husband and I are not as skinny as we where when we first started dating-and we don't ridicule the other for it. In fact my husband has said it's just a little more for me to love that's all. Don't let him bring you down-you have 5 wonderful kids who love YOU for YOU. Let him know that you will not be talked to like that and if he doesn't have anything nice to say then you would rather not hear it. If your that unhappy w/him and the marriage than make plans to get out and be w/someone who will love you for you and everything that comes with it. Smile at yourself in the mirror everyday and tell yourself you are beautiful and a caring person. Good luck to you-I hope that it works out for you.

Answer 5

Okay no offense but I'm sorry...your husband is a Jackass. He has no right to treat you this way. Your right you have 5 kids he can't expect you to be Cameron Diaz. If he really wants you to lose some weight he should be encouraging and help you through it. And if he said that he will not love you if your fat then he probably will still not love you if your thin, he'll just love you body. Your husband is an insensitive moron and you shouldn't have to deal with that. I would threaten divorce or better yet get him drunk one night and have him sign the divorce papers. You should leave and take your kids and still let him see them and all but you have the right to be happy and not feel insecure every minute of your life.

Good luck.

Answer 6

He's the one who is insecure and selfish. He thinks everything you do somehow reflects on him. The catch is---when you do everything right like balancing the demands of 5 kids and a house, then you make him look bad and when you mess up, he still thinks you make him look bad. You dont deserve this. I am dealing with same exact thing....I thought I would lose my mind. He kept convincing me that what he said was not so bad and I was being over sensitive. I am very busy with my kids and m y life too and I always thought he must be right. But lately, it has really gotten to me. So I have prayed about it. I am praying for him and praying for me. I also picked an imaginary number (Mine was 141) that is the number of times he can call me names before I am done......I know that sounds crazy but the truth is I have allowed it for so long and I know he couldnt stop on a dime.... so I laid it out to him by starting with one room in my house with no swearing, yelling....our living room is mom's sanctuary.....that went really well. My kids even got on board because they like it. I have told him how much it hurts and I have told him I will repeat it back to him because he would NEVER allow me to speak to him that way. I have asked God to keep count, and to soften my heart and show me what He wants me to do. Right now in the process, I have told my husband that he cannot call me names, any names any more. Not one more time. (He also man handles me and blocks the doorways with his body never hits or bruises just head games). So it has been on my heart to say....no more. I know I have given my marriage the most possible chances.....I needed to do that for me. My answer appears to be letting go.... I will pray you get a different result. Either way, get involved with a church or a group of women for support......its the only way to keep your sanity.

Answer 7

Baby, I'm so sorry, he is calling you names. That's got to hurt anyone. That would hurt John Wayne and make anyone insecure. Here you are giving him a wonderful family in five kids and he stabs you in the back. Hey tell him, he is ruining his marriage, slowly and painfully w/ each unkind word.
When he calls you something, just walk away. It's not you at all. It's HIM. Don't let it get you down. It's not you. It's him. You just remember that. I'm glad you have 5 kids. That wonderful. I'm sure they all love you and think you're a good mama. Go give them a kiss. Tell your man. he can cook his own dinners if he doesn't stop calling you names.
If you can't take it anymore. Don't. Tell him you both need to go to counseling together, b/c he needs to get anger management, like NOW.

Answer 8

that is awful. kids are a lot of work and you have 5 of them?? that's DEFINITELY an excuse to be a little overweight. your husband's being a jerk. tell him sincerely that it really bothers you. if it gets worse, maybe spend a few nites in a hotel even if you're NOT serious about getting a divorce, because this will make him realize how much of an impact his words have had on you. what a jerk! and he's setting a bad example for your kids, too. if i were you, i'd split FAST>

Answer 9

Pet names commonly pop out of the strangest areas. When I used to be four, my guardian's would not permit me identify the puppy Fred for the reason that I'd already named my dad's truck, a houseplant, my teddy undergo, our duck, and attempted to call my sister ALL Fred. I settled for Kelly. You could suppose I could have married a man named Fred. We named our first puppy in combination after his vehicle - Cuda (brief for barracuda). Sometimes a puppy turns out to call itself - a buddy of ours has a Taz (and is just about as disastrous because the cool animated film) I've had the next puppies: Joshie (Joshua), Redbone, Kelly, Jay, Shorty (newfy-st bernard, pass determine), Bob (aka Digger Bob and Strategic Bob), Rainier, Hershey, Solo, Zeke (aka ZekeNO!) and Tank. Zeke particularly did suppose his identify used to be ZekeNo!; it is all he could reply to for a at the same time. My grandpa's little one used to be Chula (approach "insolent" in Spanish) My husband has had: Sparky, Taos, Cerveza, and a number of others named after alcohol that I can not take into account. Together we now have Cuda, Koda, and Zuri (who're all presently maintaining down the carpet in my workplace). The transitority names for the domestic dogs of Cuda's muddle had been: Zoso, Charlie, Lexie, Mocha, Bear, and Blackie (we ran out of names at four am)

Answer 10

he is a jerk and isn't worth your time if he can't love you for you the lady he married 11 years ago then he is a disrespectful man no matter what my wife of 6 years looks like either skinny or not it don't matter to me i love her for her and she is a wonderful wife and terreffic mother to our adorable 4 year old son.it should not matter what you look like and if he can't accept changes that easy then he'd have a real difficult time in the long run with major changes in life i.e. new house, new job and so on.i mean seriously a lady is at her most beautiful when she is herself no matter what physical changes may occur over time.