I am married, have been for almost 7 years. 2 years ago hubby started calling this girl he works with. Long story short, he kissed her -supposedly that was all that happened. That was back in Nov/Dec '05. We had our third and last child in Dec '06. We are trying to work through all of this.
I get our cell phone bill - he sent her two video/picture messages the end of March this year.
I am so pissed.
He supposedly ended all contact with her - and I have been checking our phone bills - and I haven't seen her number pop up til now.
He also just got fixed on March 16 - he sent her those messages, whatever they were, on March 26. I find that too convinent - that he's shooting blanks now, he would start conacting her again.
What do you think?
I think he's messing around again?!!
What kind of a freakin idiot does that - he has three kids to lose and he will too???!!!
Any thoughts/advice?
Thanks.
2007-04-13 07:03:23 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I grilled him in Nov/Dec 2005 - and he finally told me he kissed her. He had been treating me like **** til then. I kicked him out for a few weeks, then we decided to try to work things out.
I will not put up with it this time.
I did talk to him about it just a little while ago - he showed me a joke that he sent to her. Supposedly that was it.
We're still talking - or we will once I get home.
Stupid idiot.
2007-04-13 08:02:31 · update #1
I have been there. My husband was messing with a co-worker, I found out accidentally, and it took forever for him to fess up. Everyone knew about it but me. I went thru pure hell. Then 6 months later, after he promised no more contact, I found out he had been in contact with her. I know how you feel - it hurts. I was devastated. He deceived you, and that is hard to take, especially from your husband, and especially after you thought this was behind you. You need to realize he has not learned his lesson. He needs to know that you will NOT tolerate this behavior. It is cruel of him to do this to you AGAIN. I would go to a lawyer and get separation papers to fill out, then when he comes home, tell him that if he does not stop ALL contact with this bimbo, that you will file for separation and full custody of the children. This man has to be dealt with harshly. He did not learn his lesson the first time. Be strong, I know it is hard, just be strong for your kids' sake. God bless and be with you.
2007-04-13 09:49:40 · answer #1 · answered by casey308 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay...okay....settle down for a moment. Before you go jumping to conclusions well look at this rationally.
Its true. There are several coincidental things here that certainally place him in a bad light. Each one of those you've detailed in your question.
The real question here is "Has he consumated this relationship?" If you can call it that. You say he kissed her and supposedly this is what occurred. How did you come by this information and I assume the "thats all that happened" was relayed to you by him. Its interesting. That may be true however people who are guilty of some offense make an admission to doing wrong. Not necessarily the crime itself but admit that they were involved in a small portion of it. Sort of "soften their role" if you will. That way you're not quite lying. Not entirely anyway. Amazing how the mind works sometimes isn't it?
But...this took place in '05 and now he sends her a couple of messages/videos/pictures and after getting a vasectomy he contacts her again.
So...yeah....I would not go so far to say as he's played around on you. There isn't anything there for you to pin that rap on him. However despite the fact that his contact with her appears to be minimal, they both seem to hold an interest in one another.
You have a couple of ways to go with this. You can either sit him down and lay out what you have and see what you'll get for an answer or, and this is my recommendation....wait and keep a sharp eye on things and see what transpires. Its apparent that he is becoming sloppy in keeping this from you. unless you've already confronted him and comprimised everything, leading him to be more careful, than waiting will no doubt net you more results.
In any case, the ball's in your court. Good luck. Oh.....and what kind of freakin' idiot does that? The kind that thinks with his pal who resides near the lower abdomen, not the one that calls home between your ears.
2007-04-13 07:27:45 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would confront him about it. That's not ok. And if it's a joint cell phone bill (i.e. you weren't snooping) you don't have any reason NOT to confront him.
Whatever the case may be - physically "cheating" or not, you have every reason to be very hurt and upset at the fact that he's more interested in contacting this bimbo (and she is a bimbo; any woman who messes around with a married man is) than honoring your feelings and your marriage.
When you confront him, first ASK him to explain the cell phone charges. If he denies it or gives an unsatisfactory answer, then present him with the evidence. Chewing his head off is not going to get you anywhere and only push him away. Tell him how his actions make you feel and that ultimately he should honor his wife over a coworker - a coworker he has a PAST HISTORY OF HOOKING UP WITH. Ask him what he thinks is lacking in your marriage that he feels he needs to seek female companionship elsewhere... his answer may surprise you. It could be something you two could work out, or he could just be a dog/immature - in which case I would advise you get out of that married ASAP.
Good luck honey!
2007-04-13 07:13:23 · answer #3 · answered by Courtney 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm not married but I've been w/ my boyfriend for over a year and a half now. After about 7 months of us being together, girls started calling all hours of the night and stuff. I asked about it, he would lie, so I started checking his phone, all kinds of messages, so...I asked about it all the time and constantly checked his phone. He told me him and this girl were just friends, Well, because I was acting so possessive AND he wanted to go out and play, we took a "BREAK" all the while still living together, sleeping together...yadda yadda yadda, Well, things got much better, the phone calls and texts quit, so I let it go,. Well, a week ago I found out he had slept w/ the girl when we were on our "break" I love him, so I've stayed w/ him but it's going to take me a while to fully trust him again. I guess my advise would be to back off a little bit. If it continues, something serious needs to be done. Good Luck and I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I'm sure the female knows he has a family too, so that makes it worse that someone would do that, knowing the other's situation!
2007-04-13 07:17:00 · answer #4 · answered by ParisLynn16 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He IS an idiot. Does he still work with her? I would be so mad. Matter of fact, I am mad on your behalf.
Most of the men I know around here really don't think that there is anything at all wrong with texting and flirting and talking on the cell phone with a woman. They think that it's harmless, and it's possible that your husband thinks so too.
You need to find out how far things have gone, and if there hasn't been any cheating going on, then I'd try to get it through his thick skull that it's not harmless!!!
Good luck.
And I agree with Caroline. I think that a woman that pursues anything more than a professional working aquaintance with a married man is a bimbo.
2007-04-13 07:14:22 · answer #5 · answered by Kaliee 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you have issues. The words you can do is to get hysterical and throw a tantrum, and you need to talk to him. In a calm way ask him about the reason he stays in touch with this woman. Don't listen to people, who shout "divorce him". You have to find some important answers before you decide to separate, don't you think? You have kids and it's worth trying to fix as I can imagine. I don't believe that people should stay for the sake of children, but it's not like he is cheating on you. You just don't know what is happening really, do you? So you need to find out and tell him that this behaviour has got to stop as it upsets you.
2007-04-13 07:30:13 · answer #6 · answered by Alyssa Macey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but my thoughts are time for him to get! Get the divorce packet! Kick him out! This might be what he is waiting for... I am so sorry that head games have to be play'd here but this guy has been playing you, how long are you going to allow him to? Just b/c it didn't show up till' now doesn't mean he hasn't been all along, do you really think he can't stop by the pay phone down the street! I wish he had not done this to you but he has so do something about it now before he does it again! Just my thoughts I wish things were different for you but now you have proof and really nothings changed. He doesn't even care if he calls knowing you can look at the bill. Maybe you have been preoccupied to noticed but now that you know DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!
2007-04-13 07:24:15 · answer #7 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it doesn't make sense to me that he was in contact with her in 2005 - then ALL the sudden just got back in contact with her in 2007 - i think hes maintained contact but has just been very slick. And since when do people only kiss? trust me its more than that.
just the fact that he is still in contact with her should show you hes still fooling around! and that should show you he doesn't care about your feelings ... if he loved you he wouldn't have kissed her years ago - and EVEN if that was a huge mistake - he shouldn't be STILL contacting her !
as far as what you should do ... you need to ask yourself if this is worth a divorce? if not then at least scare the **** out of him somehow . .. then get some type of counseling - or sit down with him and really reevaluate your marriage.
good luck
2007-04-13 07:27:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well apparently to him he must not think that he will lose his family because when you found out that he even kissed another woman back then you should have cut him off. Instead, you gave him another child and another opportunity to betray you again. Even if he claims he's not messing around, he's still contacting her and sending her text messages. He doesn't have any value for you or his kids. I think you need to really let him know the way you feel and that he can't expect you to continue this marriage like this because it is not fair to you or the kids.....You have to do what's best for your children*****best wishes
2007-04-13 07:28:33 · answer #9 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The kind of freak'n idiot that sends pics to a co-worker who he got emotionally attached to is someone who still cares about the woman in some sort of way ... maybe nostalgic ... maybe romantic. In any event, working with her can't make it easy for him to make a clean break.
I don't think that kissing a woman in 2005 equates to adultery in 2007. You two just need to talk about this. Chances are the vasectomy reminded him of some sort unhappiness in his life ... and he felt a need for the woman who he thinks understands him. I don't think this is grounds for divorce. It is grounds for working on better communications.
2007-04-13 07:26:08 · answer #10 · answered by Sultan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋