i was with my ex for 7 years(since 9th grade) he treated me like crap the whole time but i felt like i "loved" him.now i realize he was a jerk and i was stupid. we have been apart for almost 2 years, and i am now living with my boyfriend.in the beginning he was great,since we moved in together he has turned into the most negative person i know.everything we talk about has some reason why we cant do it or is accompanied by all the "what-ifs". i am beginning to think he realized what it is really like to live with a woman that has two small children when you dont have the best job making loads of money and have a brand new car.i wonder if he is having regrets for taking the relationship here, but doesnt want to hurt me and leave.how do i find out what is really going on when all he says is yes i want to be with you i am just a negative person(which he NEVER was in the first 6mts we were together)we are having financial problems,but we never had alot of $$ before either.too much too soon?
2007-04-13 06:57:06 · 9 answers · asked by dawn222 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Mature people can handle it....even if it is too soon. You sound like you are very much in control and have a good picture of the relationship. Let him know that you feel rejected by his behavior, that you somehow feel you are to blame for his negativity and that it is affecting the family. Let him know if he wants out, now is the time.
2007-04-13 07:07:02 · answer #1 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It could be that he feel like he has alot on his plate and he does not know how he is going to deal with it.
Remember that he has not started from day one with adjusting to the needs of a family. You can tell him this. it seems like alot but if he were to pretend that he was there from day one and was eased into the situation it would be no different. The only thing would be different is that he would have had more time to adapt. Im sure you understand this.
Tell him that you are not trying to pressure him or rush him in to this. He can still have his own space with you to stil together. If he needs a day out a week to forget about the stress of life that is okay. Maybe he needs to take up a hobby. And dont forget the two of you need alone time together. THis could be for a couple hours ever second weekend or a night out once a month. I hopethis helps and good luck!
2007-04-13 14:05:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's simple, the honeymoon period of the relationship is over. Maybe he was always moody but, you didn't see it before because the relationship was new. If he didn't love you, he wouldn't be with you. Don't bring your past relationship into your current one. Just because your ex treated you like crap doesn't mean this guy will to.
Instead, why don't you spice your relationship up by getting a babysitter so, the two you can have some alone time. He might miss that. Offer it to him as a suggestion. If agrees, then do something fun that doesn't involve a lot of money. Cook him dinner and have candles on the table etc. Tell him you love him and really love being with him etc. Good luck!
2007-04-13 14:21:56 · answer #3 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but you need to break up with him. He isn't happy and just not right for you. You need a break from living with men and just date a few for awhile. You never really grew while young and developed into the person you should be. That can't happen as long as you are dependent on another person. Fact is your boyfriend is the person he was before, you just didn't allow enough time to find that out. If you had you would never have moved in together. Stop looking for men to take care of you, instead look for a man to share your life with...the life you are going to spend some time finding.
2007-04-13 14:05:18 · answer #4 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Right now you are going through an adjustment phaze. Talk to him and let him know how you feel...he can't read your mind.
Sit down and make a budget together so you both know where the money is going. Maybe that will give him a sense of security. Don't give up yet. Give it some time. Keep your communication open. Do something fun together without the kids.
2007-04-13 14:02:43 · answer #5 · answered by supergoober 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am in the same boat you are dear. I am a mother of two who has the exact same problem. I just keep my head up and think positivly day by day. It helps to have really good comunication between the two of you as well. Does he have kids as well? Try to lighten him up a little. And if you find it keeps getting harder take the time to evaluate the situation and if you MUST..move on. Its really hard to find a guy willing to have a relationship with you when you have kids and its even harder to find private time together, especially away from the house. If you feel like chatting im me at yahoo-bittymist
2007-04-13 14:05:48 · answer #6 · answered by lil~confused~one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know the answer, living with your children and all that entails, has changed him. He may talk about it just being a lack of money but in the past he could see a light at the end of the tunnel -it was only him he had to worry about -now you've given him a ready made family. That's not fair to him. There was no honeymoon stage, no just us 2 together stage, He wasn't in the planning of them, no-honey I'm pregnant stage, or the conceiving of them or their infancy, now here he is stuck with the financially responsible part, of another man's children, plus everything else. He was naturally supposed to work up to this stage with his own offspring. The seeds of resentment have been sown, so don't try to make him feel guilty for his own feeelings, he's entitled. For now he loves you and does not want to hurt you, but he is being hurt in the process. Its a bad reflection on you to say he used to be happy but now he is negative. Life isn't about finding someone who will help you, it is about each of you equally. He has dreams and plans but they are buried for now, the best thing you could do if you love this guy is let him go, & not all tears and emotion, [to make him feel 'guilty' ] Give him his freedom. Let him be with someone with no baggage. Let him be free, my words sting but they are truth. Or this will backfire on you when you least expect it.
2007-04-13 14:17:38 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd ask myself if shacking up out of wedlock with some pissy man with 2 small children is really the best environment for the kids. I'd ask if they kids had suffered enough due to my choice in jerky men. I'd probably not give a rat's behind about this negative little man and instead move out so my kids could have some PEACE for a change and stop subjecting them to ****** men.
2007-04-13 14:06:51 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I'm sure you moved in much too soon.
2007-04-13 14:02:45 · answer #9 · answered by mamabear 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋