After months/years in a relationship do you still feel the same? Does the love fade?

Question

I am 20 years old and I have been in a relationship for 2 years - and we just mutually dont feel the same anymore - i dont know what the problem is ... but we love eachother to death ... its just the spark isnt there anymore ... is that we dont love eachother anymore? or is it normal?



if we feel this way now - how will we feel in 10 years!? ughhh i hate love - its soo confusing and annoying.

Answer 1

Life is always going up and down around you. I met my wife in high school. We dated for five years before we got married. The engagement ring was off and back on her finger several times. During that time we learned to listen, not talk to the other person. A lot of life is actually doing what makes the other person feel better about themselves. I guarantee that for every pound of love you give up you will get back ten. A realtionship is not 50/50, it is 100/100.
My wife died 1 1/2 years ago from cancer. Her first round of cancer was breast cancer in 1980. That actually brought us much closer together. It show just how fradgile life can be. When you do something for the other person they end up repaying it with things that you like.
Some things in life aren't worth fighting about so always work on making the relationship better, never getting even. Do spontanious things, and I don't just mean sex. A hug, a smile, a "I'm glad I have you" goes a long way.
I spent 44 years with my wife. At times it was a lot of work. But, boy was it worth it.

Good luck. Take some time, pick a flower and you and your partner should enjoy it together.

Answer 2

First of all, you are very young and you have not experienced many relationships, especially serious ones. At 20 years old, you should really be dating around, seeing many people, and having a great time. Those are the years that you are trying to find yourself, and by being in a relationship, to which you probaby devote most of your time, is not allowing you to have some of the experiences you should be having at your age!

The reason that the spark, that fire, that love is no longer there is because you are not 18 anymore, you're seeking more from a guy now than you did a year or two ago. And by hanging around, not being sure if you really want to be with this guy or not, you are only wasting your time.

It may be tough at first, but you will realize that it just wouldn't have worked out. And if this was meant to be, you wouldn't be doubting yourself now. It's comfort that you have in this guy, and you don't want to work on gaining that comfort all over again from another guy!

Answer 3

OK, secret of life stuff coming up here, so pay attention:

Love has two components: physical and intellectual. Love usually starts out as physical, meaning a series of chemicals are released into your body. These chemicals produce a chemical high, similar to drugs - bet you never knew that, huh? Here's the thing - your body becomes resistant to those internally produced drugs over about a year or so, and gradually stops making them.

That's why after a year or so, people complain about losing that spark.

And that's where the 2nd part of love comes in - intellectual love. Intellectual love means that you know about the person and all their shortcomings, all of their faults, and all the good and bad, and you still choose to stay with them. It is the recognition that love is hard work, consistently needing attention. It's also what makes life so rewarding.

How do I know - I've been with someone for 10 years - married 8, dating 2. That spark wore off about 9 years ago. When a woman hits on me, I feel that spark again. But I stay faithful to my wife, as we've made a true commitment to each other, and that commitment is very rewarding.

Answer 4

I have been in a relationship for two years also, and married for the last year of that. We are just as in love with each other today, as we were in the beginning.

The key to this is honesty, communication, and the decision to love.

All of those are extremely important.. but the last one is crucial. You may have never heard this before.. but love is not a feeling, love is a decision. You have to decide to love someone.. after the goosebumps, the butterflies, the blushing, the racing heartbeat, and the warm fuzzy feelings fade.

Those feelings always go away, their supposed to. But that's when your relationship matures. Don't panic because you're not getting warm fuzzy feelings around him anymore. Now, you're supposed to replace those feelings with genuine acts of love.

Those acts of love, and the decision to love, are what keeps the fire going. You have to make it happen! YOU guys create the spark, it doesn't create itself.

Go on walks, or long drives, check into a hotel in another city, go to a club together and dance with each other, do some roleplaying, take dance lessons together, plan a date night and see a movie, go to a fancy restaurant and dress up really nice, hire a photographer and do a sexy photo shoot.. the possibilities are endless! :)

Answer 5

I'm in for 18 years of marriage now. And yes the dynamic of the relationship does change. In some ways better, in some not so much. There are days when we can't stand the sight of one another, honestly.

The trick is, waiting it out!

Because those bad feelings will fade and that loving feeling will bloom again.

My husband and I have fallin' in and out of love over the years, always having love, but not always "in love."

Doing something new helps us to reconnect if the dreary days drag on for too long.

The ideas of "happiness, love," and the like are misleading. A person goes through phases of emotion. The question is, can you see yourself with this person when your old?

Since you didn't use the words, married, wife, or husband, I suppose you aren't tied to this woman. Maybe you and she would make better friends?

Hate is usually Love mistreated.

Answer 6

I guess it depend on what's really going on, in marriage your love will fade away if one is the one that cares and pay attention, and there's affairs that will and can happen if the two of you don't communicate to each others. Why don't the two of you give each others a time out, so you can see if your feelings is real or not. your still young and if you don't find out now and the two of you get married,it will be such a heavy drama for you. See if you both can see other people, thats the only way whether you will miss each others or not. Do this now before you make the second step of your relationship.......

Answer 7

Hopeless romantics think that "true love" will have the same passion and fire forever no matter what happens.. and that isn't true!

Love is a verb not a noun.

You have to work pretty hard to keep that "spark" going. I'm 21 and married and my husband and I go through stages of blah, and stages of serious passion.

After time you become "comfortable" with the other person, and you shouldn't settle for comfortable, but don't break up with that person just because of that... try to get your passion back!

Answer 8

my husband and I have been together for 13 years. Love doesn't fade, it changes. You have to work at being friends, liking to do things together. There will still be days that you want to ripe each others clothes off but not everyday. This is normal. We still have a great sex life and are very happy. You also have to have your own interests and do things apart and come back together. So many people do think that it is ok to have things that are separate life's but it is. It makes it better, keeps things interesting. you gives you stuff to talk about.
Good Luck

Answer 9

Ms MJ said it best. We're married 13 years, together for 20 and it does not fade...it changes. That feeling of, Oh my God, I can't wait till I see him/her again feeling, that changes also.You KNOW you will see him/her so the anticipation is lost. That's when you have to make an effort to keep excitement in your lives, always. Have fun together. Have fun apart. Do unpredictable things for one another. If you truly love one another, it will only get better!

Answer 10

My husband and I have been married 20 years and counting.
Yes, feelings have changed - but we have learned to grow and love each other more for the changes. The lust fades, but in our case we have made the passion grow. We have explored new hobbies, traveled to new places, and shared our lives with each other. The key is to work at it and keep communicating.