do i think i am in the wrong?

Question

Do you think i am in the wrong?
my little boys dad walked out on me a month ago leaving me broken hearted with all the bills and an very upset little boy.
he has a good job but said that all he could afford to give me was 30 pound a week, 2 weeks ago he moved in with some girl and has not gave me any money or came to see my son today he called to say that his girlfriend was working sat so he would take my son for an hour, but would give me no money i told him no that he had to pick set days to see him
and give me some money to help pay his debts
am i in the wrong ?
i dont want t go to court


he has told he the day i go to the csa is the day he will quit his job

Answer 1

u have no choice but 2 go 2 court unless u can straighten the money issue w/him out soon

Answer 2

Go to court.

Since he has threatened to quit his job, call him on it. Go to the csa anyway since he's trying to bully you into letting him get away with exactly what he wants.
His new girl will find him to be a sleaze as time goes by and he demonstrates that his decisions are meant to avoid paying money to support his own son.
If she doesn't find him to be a sleaze knowing all this about him, then they deserve each other. He will make her support him while he earns money 'under the table' or 'off the books' to escape his responsibilities.
Keep taking him to court nonetheless. He's betting that you will back down or be intimidated. Should he really try to intimidate you (in any way physical or by making threats), report that. Call the police. In any case, there should be documentation of what is going on all along the way and not just in your diary but in police logs, at any agency you deal with, with your lawyer.
This guy's giving you a description of how he wants the rest of your life to be. If you are paying his debts, you shouldn't be. From your question, it is not clear that he ever married you. Don't make the 'living together' mistake again. You have just watched him take advantage of the swinging door he always made sure was there.

Answer 3

Go to the CSA. What an ar*eh*le. Your son deserves better off his dad and so do you. Do it all through the court if you have to hon. That way if he gave up his job (which i doubt he will who would pay for his new bit of stuff?) he would get no benefits through his own choice of leaving and if it were his works he would get benefit some of which would come to you. He has to give maintenance what kind of father would not want to. Set days is best for your son too, that way he'll know where he stands with his dad and wont be coming and going unplanned. Mind you if he only wanted to see him because his stuff was at work, surely your son would sense this in her if ever they met, not nice for him. Poor you honey,come on do the right thing for both of you. Cit Advise can help you too. Good luck. xx

Answer 4

Here's the topic where my thoughts are disliked.

You are not wrong to expect help with the bills. You will likely need to go to court, otherwise there is no enforcement.

The issue of the dad seeing the child however, should not be contingent on whether he's given you money or not. This is too often the case, and it is the child that suffers the stand-off.

Your emotions are very raw right now, and we people tend to use our hurt to try and hurt others.

If there isn't any other objection to the father, don't shut him out of the child's life. Be glad that the dad wants to remain in his son's life, too many don't.

If you had plans with the child, then telling him no was fine, otherwise what's the harm?

There is precedent in the US for our courts to deny support to a mother/child when the mother refuses the father contact, and/or bad-mouths the father to the child.

The world now sees Parental Alienation Syndrome as a real problem for our children. Children should never be held ransom for child-support money.

I truly hope all works out for you and yours, God's blessing.

Answer 5

Go to the CSA. Call his bluff. This man is quite clearly a complete oxygen theif.

You are doing the honourable thing by making sure the visits fit in with your life - he walked out afterall.

However, ensure that this doesn't ostricize your son from him because that could lead to later trauma for all concerned.

So he's moved in with another girl a month after leaving you? Geez, this man really is a low-life. Take heart from the knowledge you no longer have him in your life as a partner. And take the son of a b to court. He made your little boy, he must at least pay the minimum required by law to support him.

Good luck, and stay strong xx

Answer 6

There are some blokes who make me feel ashamed that I am a man. Tell him to quit his job if he wants, but he still has to pay, CSA is changing so they will take it out of his benefit, what he doesn't pay he'll owe. He'll also have his girlfriends income and any future partners income taken in to consideration as well. He needs money to live!, although it may take some time he will end up paying.

What you must do is go see a solicitor
Go to Citizens advice bureau because you can claim all kinds of tax benefits for your child.

Remember one thing, you are seeing this man for the b#stard he is, if he doesn't want to support his son then that just shows what kind of example he would be to your son and i am sure you would want your son to grow up to be a better man then he is right now. As for the debt if they are in his name inform the creditors of his new address.

I feel for you, I wish you all the luck in the world, hopefully this will not had tainted your experience of men. I promise we are not all like your ex. You deserve far better then him

Answer 7

You've got 2 separate issues going on here, and neither of them are related.

Child support and visitation are two separate things. Your ex should have to pay you support and you should go to court to get an order that will force him to do so. While you're there, you should set up a visitation schedule. The child is your ex's little boy and your ex deserves to see his dad just as much as you deserve to have your son. The only exception to that would be if your ex was an unfit father.

Answer 8

Sounds like you're having a rough time of it. Its not fair of your ex-partner to mess you around and pick your little boy up when he feels like it.

Of course, his threat that if you go to the CSA he'll quit his job rings pretty hollow - if the girl he moved in with has any get up and go at all she's not going to tolerate him loafing around with her to support him.

You don't say much about your current circumstances, but I'd recommend you talk to a Lone-Parent advisor at the nearest job center - even if you work full- or part- time... They really are a good source of advice about the CSA, your legal rights and all sorts of stuff that could be useful. - They've seen it pretty much all before and can give you the benefit of their experience - and they're on YOUR side.

Good luck! :)

Answer 9

He's a bum. Go to the csa, let him quit his job, see how long his girlfriend hangs around when he's got no money. Go to talk to the Citizens Advice Beaurau, see if they can help you with your financial situation, they'll be able to tell you who you need to speak to at least. Personally i wouldnt let him see your son, but thats just me. You keep strong, you deserve better than this, I'll have a good thought for you.

Answer 10

You need to go to court. He says he will quit his job, like that is some kind of threat? If he is not giving you any money now, what difference would it make if he quit his job to you? You need to force his hand and let him know that you are not going to let him have anything, including visitation with your son until he starts supporting his son and settling his debts. Go to court, get the law on your side, forget what he says.

Answer 11

Your child should not be used as a pawn.

I know you don't want to go to court but sometimes we have to do things we really don't feel like doing. He needs to be responsible and you should be getting child support as your son is the one being short changed when he doesn't pitch in for his needs.

You also need something on paper saying your son is to be living with you so that this guy can't take him and run. The Judge will set up visitation and a payment schedule for the child support.

Your son's needs come first and as his mother - you need to do what is right, as painful or as hard as it may be.

Good luck.