what do u think of this?i wrote it as an answer to someone who had rules.?

Question

but arn't rules just guidlines ;)


Fairy lived in the forest and loved to fly.
Then one day she found she could fly no more and began to cry.
When her eyes did dry, she began wondering the forest in search of why.
She came across a talking hat, leather with brown dye.
Her only thought was oh my.
The hat said, “come nigh, I will tell you why you can no longer fly.”
The fairy sat on a log near by.
“A mean witch took your ability to fly. She lives atop a tree very high.
Be careful, this witch is mean and sly.”
The fairy’s’ only reply, “Then she will have to die.”
“And how will you do this,” the hat tried to pry.
“I will poison her pie.”
She pulled from her pocket a broken wand she had found in the rye.
She cast a spell pointing the wand toward the sky.
The fairy said to the witch bye bye.
The mean witch ate the poisoned pie, yes, she did die and for her no one would ever cry.

ok wondering yes that was a dumb mistake. wandering it is. the rye was wrong it should have been found in a field of rye. ok other then wondering what was spelled wrong? i used word and a dictionary.

Answer 1

Near by is Nearby. One word.

I love this, BTW.

Answer 2

It is a good sophomoric endeavor. The poem relies on one rhyme and drives it into the ground so that the few places where the rhyme scheme should be used glare at the reader. In addition, the poem seems to point at the Death of the Mean witch as the focal point. It would be better to leave the last lines about how the fairy got her power back without resorting to killing the witch. It would mean more and be a better poem.

Rewrite it in a certain meter and the rhyme will stand out, the meter will show your ability to stick within the "rules" which you yourself set and the poem will mean that much more.

Answer 3

I've found those who scream the loudest that the rules are "just guidelines" are usually the very ones who have no idea what the rules are in the first place.

This is a pretty trite piece of drivel. There is no depth here, and it's rather self-serving and has a poor message. Basically, it's OK to kill people who get in your way. Way to go. Very mature of you. ;)

Answer 4

Yes, the rule of "don't kill people" is more of a guideline.

However, the rule of "don't sacrifice meaning for rhyme" is stone cold.

You actually had me until "pie". Then "rye" did in the final blow.

And it's wandering the forest, not wondering the forest.

Answer 5

The other post had a REASON. It was a writing contest for a star. Not exactly a question, but still fun. What is the point of taking someone elses idea and doing this?

Answer 6

I have to agree with the other posts here.

I don't hate it, though. It minds me of old English poems for children . . . they don't fit our PC dogma either.

I hate reading work with poor spelling, it is LAZY. If one cares so little about it that spell check takes too long, why should I bother giving of my time?

Answer 7

ummm.... I hope that the rule is you have to rhyme this poem. It is cute but I think this poem is as meaningful as a Jessica Simpson song. It's all sugar and no meaning. So I am not a fan but you do a good job of rhyming and it is a cute story so if this fits your rules... I think you did a good job.