Okay ok.....I have had a orgasm with him before but only when he goes down on me, never through intercourse. We are going through a rough patch and seeking counseling, so I feel it's time to be totally honest about everything. I think if I enjoyed the actual intercourse more, sex might be something I'd want a lot more often, but how do I tell him this without taking a shot to his ego?
2007-04-13 04:23:22 · 15 answers · asked by Michelle 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My Dear Jasmin,
You have announced this tidbit to the entire Yahoo Virtual World. So why would you have difficulty making this statement to your husband.
Know what? Don't sweat his ego at this point. How about telling him that your orgasms aren't as intense during intercourse than they are through cunnilingus. In fact tell him that sometimes you don't even experience one and then preface it with "But when you go down on me...Oh my God...the fireworks!".
Christ....use alittle dimplomacy and schmooze baby. Done right and his ego will be undamaged because not only will he be willing on working hard (no pun intended) on making you achieve an orgasm through intercourse, but he'll think that he's the best tounge around.
I assure you, it'll work. Just have to be sincere, sort of stretch the truth alittle and make it sound like he's the best thing since the invention of the vibrator.
Good luck, have fun and hope you finally attain that elusive muscle spasam.
2007-04-13 04:41:06 · answer #1 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Many woman find it difficult to orgasm through intercourse alone and need stimulation to the clitoris during intercourse.
Maybe trying new positions that help stimulate the clitoris and the g-spot.
You on top may help as you have more control you are able to set the pace and are free to move more so it stimulates your g-spot and clitoris.
Even if you don't actually tell him that you've never had an orgasm during intercourse you could suggest different positions that can help bring you to orgasm.
Talk to your husband gently in a way that won't hurt his feelings.
2007-04-13 11:59:47 · answer #2 · answered by Julz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
U should talk about sex with him more often. What u like, what he doesn't like and vise versa. Always good to be close and talk together about sex.
But if after this long time u need to talk now, it's not bad as well.
Just don't tell u didn't have an orgasm for 6 years until u asks u.
Don't worry, just talk to him nicely, tell him he is very attractive to u, but NOT EVERY TIME u have an orgasm during other positions. 6 years will hurt him a bit, try do not tell about it straight away.
I'm sure every thing will be fine if u speak tactically which I'm sure u can do it very well :)
Good luck to u :)
2007-04-13 11:42:51 · answer #3 · answered by Panther 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is difficult as men get alot of their pride based on thier "manhood". During counseling, when sex is brought up as an issue - accept your responsibility for the dilema first. Something along the ines of "I have not been communicating my likes and desires very well and this has caused intercourse to not be as enjoyable as I know it could be". This takes away the blame from him and places it where it should be and that is with you - you should always communicate verbally when something feels good or does not & you should also be participating in helping achieve that sexual success not just laying there faking it.
2007-04-13 11:39:44 · answer #4 · answered by martiek7 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
A lot of women don't reach orgasm through intercourse alone. That's no reason to tell him he's never "given" you an orgasm. You know what works for you. Show him, tell him, whatever. He's no mind reader.
2007-04-13 11:47:16 · answer #5 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The male EGO is very FRAILE. Be very careful what and how you tell him that you haven't had a orgasm through intercourse with him in 6 years. Could be the END of your MARRIAGE.
2007-04-13 11:41:49 · answer #6 · answered by Monty L 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By using "I" statements such as "I am not able to orgasm unless oral sex is involved and I don't know why. I was hoping that this could be worked on by us as I need help in this area." If he comments that he didn't know that, why didn't you say something you can say "I'm sorry, I was embarassed by it." It's hard to get defensive when the "YOU" word is not used.
I also think you need to keep in mind that a woman has more emotional needs then a man and he needs to understand that the emotional connection is as important to you as sex is to him. He feels close to you by having sex. You feel closer to him when he gives you undivided attention and communicates with you. Women die inside when they are not emotionally connected to the man they love and have sex with and in order to have sex more often, that is what a man needs to work on.
Good luck.
2007-04-13 11:56:03 · answer #7 · answered by Stefka 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can probably self-stimulate during intercourse and have an orgasm that way... try it.. men seem to like it anyway!
take care and all the best in counseling.
2007-04-13 11:45:58 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would wait until you are with the counselor, it will probalby come up there anyway. He may be a little upset that it took you 6 years to tell him and yes he may be a little hurt that he isnt satisfying you the way he thinks he is. But he will get over it and the two of you will be better off.
2007-04-13 11:37:59 · answer #9 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good luck with this one. Any way you tell him is going to hurt his pride, 6 years of it. You should have spoken up before, or tried different things. If you want to be honest, be honest with him, and be ready to deal with the hurt that you are going to inflict. Good luck
2007-04-13 11:35:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋