I have been married 8yrs and things have never been great. I have just tried to make him happy by giving in to what he wants. 5yr ago we both were injured in a bad accident and he promised he would change and be more involved. Not the case- he is the only child and very much about his parents. I have a great job and work all day, come home and do everything-house,yard,children's activities,etc. And he goes to his parent's 2 nights a wk to eat and do work there and every Sat is there and some Sundays. And now he wonders why I am so distant and bitter! I have fallen out of love and I am just there doing it all! All of this led me to open up to someone else and they tell me that I have become cold and independant, do not know what real love is like and that I had my kids to have unconditional love! I think they are right - but I know leaving will be hard because of kids. I love this person he gets it and says stay for kids, he wants me but is married to and is staying because of kids?????
2007-04-13 04:09:51 · 5 answers · asked by jenga4fun 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I went through something somewhat similar... at least on the becoming distant and bitter at a husband who was never around. The similarities stop there.
Anyway, the first thing you must realize is that you make no one happy by just doing everything that the other person wants. You'll end up just as unhappy with the new guy as you are with your husband if you continue to not stand up for yourself.
Second, "staying for the kids" is not always a good thing. You are teaching your kids that a marriage means two people who have nothing in common living in the same house passing like ships in the night is normal. You are teaching your daughters, if any, to not stand up for themselves to their future husbands.
You need to stand up for yourself, somehow and someway. If you don't resent your husband too much, if you can forgive him, you should give him an ultimatum - tell him exactly what you want or you are leaving. If he doesn't do it, leave. But if you could never forgive him, leave anyway. But before you get involved with the new guy and make him leave his wife, you really need to see what you did wrong in your first marriage to prevent repeating the past. It isn't just your husband's fault you grew apart. You played a big role, too.
The other thing to consider about your new guy is that if he is willing to cheat on his current wife, how do you know he won't do the same to you if he leaves her? Most men who cheat do it for the ego stroke, and not for love like women do.
Good luck to you.
2007-04-13 06:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by industengr 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you married a mama's boy. You had to see those signs before your married him. After 8 yrs, he still can't commit to the family he made with you. I wouldn't have given him that much time to cut the apron strings. Though I am a proponent for working it out for the kids sake, I can't imagine your husband is around enough to interact with yours. Weekends when he should be playing with them or having family outings, he's with his mommy. I don't think your kids would be missing out. He's already pretty much an absentee father. That is one issue but now you have involved yourself with someone who thinks you are distant and bitter. Cut your losses....get rid of them both.
2007-04-13 11:47:41 · answer #2 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is pain to leave, but sometimes it is the only way to say I'm seriusly tired of this. It is heart-breaking at first and even more depressing (at first,again) then if you stayed. The sweet relief will come. So many people live like this till they have some kind of break-down. I'm one of them. I became so deeply depressed I could barily snap back. Thank God he left me willingly or ... I don't want to know (I even had started to drink heavy to cope) what would of became of me. I'm now so much more happier.
2007-04-13 11:22:53 · answer #3 · answered by Tex 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear u need some space for urself... if ur husband loves ur kids ask him to take care of them for a week or two and u go on vacation or catch with friends or ur parents , some picnic/outing...he will also knw ur value if u r away from him n kids what it is not to have u around... make him realise what it is to not to have u in his life... dont pamper him ... let him do his own stuff like his laundry, his closet, food at times...u have just given up too much of urself n u dont hav anything to give thats all...its time he gives u something back....if u give some time to urself u feel refreshed and will wana come back and he will wana come back.. all u need to do is give him break from ur pamperings n take urself one..go to spa , njoi urself a nice massage and even make over if possible ...try to change ur looks in small way..like a different hair cut, different clothes(offcourse which matches u), develop a hobby...less u pretend to care about him more he will b interested in u... seems like u r too worn out coz of family
2007-04-13 11:21:27 · answer #4 · answered by RCD 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You can support yourself...right.
Take the children and file for a divorce claiming spousal abuse. Document it and let him go back to his parents.
Good luck.
2007-04-13 11:15:48 · answer #5 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋