My ex husband left our marriage for another woman who he now lives with. I have custody of our son - he visits his father once a week and every other weekend. My ex put me through hell this past year with the lies and cheating but I never let my son see my anger or pain. I never say anything bad about his Dad and I even tell him it is okay to like the girlfriend. That was tough. I am moving on - slowly but surely. However, when my ex calls to talk to his son and our son does not want to talk my ex starts questioning me about how his day was, did he do anything exciting, etc. I don't want to talk to him. I contact him when I have to - when there is a decision to make or something important happens. I don't think I should have to touch base with him on a regular basis and fill him in on what he missed. He chose to leave and part of that decision was leaving his son. Am I wrong?
2007-04-13 03:57:00 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My view is that you're not wrong. If your son doesn't want to talk to your ex, then tell him, and wish him a good day (you've got stuff to do).
It sounds like you're still hurting and you're being very strong for your son. I think you need to establish guidelines on the communication you are to have with your ex.
2007-04-13 04:02:59 · answer #1 · answered by -J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Good For you!!! Stay strong for your son. You need to make sure that your son talks to his dad, statistics show that children of Divorced Families, tend to need the grooming of the same sex parent. Meaning there are eventually going to be things that your son is not going to want to talk to you about. Be positive, and encourage your son to talk to his dad.
I know it is tough, but your on the right track, most of the time parents vent to their kids about the other parent, and I think its great you are handeling it so well.
My husband and I went through this with his ex - eventually it worked its self out.
You didn't however say how old your son was, however when your son is over at dads house, I would request that they not sleep together, because they are NOT married. Have dad make a pallet in the floor, or what ever. Dad and the new girlfriend should at least respect your wishes there. That is what my husband and I did when my step-son came to visit us, until we were married, and it worked out great.
2007-04-13 11:12:28 · answer #2 · answered by kgperry70 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, He chose to leave you not the boy. Give him 50/50 custody. However I would make the stipulation he has to marry the woman since it is not good for the son to see this woman in his dads bed and not being a wife. Send him a daily email of what went on with the kid. Same time, just the facts. Or like I said give him 50/50 custody. You do not have to talk to this man every day.
2007-04-13 11:09:34 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not entirely wrong - but you should be thankful that while the marriage may have ended and yes he cheated on you - the man did not abandone his son & seems to want to be an active participant in his life. Provided the conversations are strictly about your son - you should continue - you must get over your hurt feelings though it is very hard - part of being a repsonsible parent through a divorce is to put the child first. If the conversation begins to go elsewhere - you can tell him it's none of his damn business hang up.
2007-04-13 11:06:06 · answer #4 · answered by martiek7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've never been in the situation, but it seems to me that telling him a few things about the kid's day isn't that big a chore. You'll be bonded with this guy through your son for the rest of your life, and keeping the relationship civil seems to be the easiest and least painful way to deal with things. I'm not suggesting long, drawn out conversations. When the kid won't talk to him, just tell him what he needs to know and get off the phone. It won't kill you.
I'd also suggest talking to your son about why he doesn't want to talk to his dad. There may be some feelings there that need to be explored.
2007-04-13 11:06:08 · answer #5 · answered by misguidedrose18 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do not need to get into any kind of conversation with him except for things dealing with you son, school, medical, and things like that. You should tell your son that the phone is for him and just hand him the phone. If you son does not want to talk to his father, he needs to tell him and you need to stop being the go-between. You need to make sure you son understands that regardless of what has happened between you and his father, he still needs to respect him as his father. That does not mean you have to convince him what he did was okay, right or anything you approve of, but you as his mother expect him to be respectful. You will be glad in the long run that you did.
2007-04-13 11:06:29 · answer #6 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you're wrong at all. He's going to probably suffer more consequences with his son as his son gets older, you know? And who knows what those things might be? I've not been married but I've lived through divorce and seen friends end things etc and whomever decides to split the marriage up, usually there are life consequences for them later. It's just the way it is. Keep on doing what you're doing, but I wouldn't go out of my way to keep him posted on his son's life. You can't control your son and "make' him talk...that creates resentment later.....
2007-04-13 11:04:57 · answer #7 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not wrong.Infact I applaud you for handling the situation the proper way that you have.You have done the right thing by not bad mouthing his dad and making sure they still continue to have a father/son relationship.You simply need to tell your ex that you talk to him when needed and you are moving on in your life so he need's to back off..Good Luck & Best Wishes..
2007-04-13 11:45:21 · answer #8 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are absolutely right....
I don't think it is neccessarily to fill in what your son do.
His relationship is with the son and NOT you.
He is taking the easy way out.. it is not going to work for him..
Your hardwork of bringing up youe son has paid off.
Children know deep down inside who care for them and loves them the most.
Your responsibility with your son does not end.
You do not have any responsibility at all anything that concern your EX. It is THE END when he walks out for another woman.
Anything that affects your son because of your EX is still your responsibility. However the benefits has to be for the sake of your son..
take care..
2007-04-13 11:08:47 · answer #9 · answered by trymejames 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you are not wrong. You sound exactly like me.
I decided NOT to talk to my ex anymore. When the ex calls, I put my son on the phone inmedietely and don;t bother answer the phone. hearing his voice drags me down and depresses me. I don't want to pretend that we are 'friends" because we are not and what he did to us is STILL not ok.
Just like you I chooose NOT TO talk bad about my son father and even go as far as to cover out for him and excuse him when he doesn't call/visit etc. It's hard not to, but I rather have my son have a positive idea of his dad.
When my son doesn;t want to talk to his dad anymore on the phone, I tell my son to tell him good bye and hung up. If he calls again I don;t answer the phone, I'm not obligated to, I have nothing to talk to him about.
For the sake of my son and because I'm civil, I've resorted to email my ex-h to inform him of school activities, report cards, events etc. It';s a good alternative because you are fulfilling your obligation to inform him and you don;t have to engage in conversation with him.
I hope this helps,
Good luck
2007-04-13 11:07:19 · answer #10 · answered by Blunt 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋