Hi Im due next month 1st baby so excited. My best friend recently had a termination. (I know half the answers will bash her and say who cares hopefully not all will). She regrets it and hates herself b/c she says it felt like she ran from the situation and she hates that she did it. The father didnt want the baby and he's actually happy now while she's miserable. I dont want to stifle my joy for her decision however, but this is such a touchy subject now. I told her its an absolute no change can be made now and she needs to work on herself, otherwise do I not talk about my happiness with her? If I do is that like rubbing it in her face? Curious what people think. I know if it was miscarriage I definately would be a bit more sensitive but does it matter since she regrets it anyway?
2007-04-13 03:39:01 · 15 answers · asked by charli_red1218 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
You really need to be there for your friend!!! Of course you can talk about your joy at having a baby. You shouldn't lie or hide it, in fact, letting her be a part of your baby's life once he/she's born may be very healing for her. Ask her if she wants to talk, and if she doesn't then just be there for her. I included two sources for help after an abortion. I can't imagine what she must be feeling and I hope you can gently encourage her to get rid of the creep who told her that he didn't want her to have her baby. If he's happy now even though she is miserable, he obviously doesn't care much for her. What your friend needs now is love and acceptance. Let her hold your baby and kiss your baby, maybe even ask her to be the baby's godmother(you may have wanted to ask family but this might really be good for her).
Anyway, try to find a way for her to share in your happiness. It will probably be hard for her at first, but that's how healing happens. Encourage her to seek help. It's pretty bad if she hates herself. As for you CONGRATULATIONS on your baby coming in May!!!!!!
2007-04-13 03:50:35 · answer #1 · answered by momof2bru 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right that this is a touchy subject. She made her decision for whatever reason. I don't agree with her boyfriend he probably had a big say in this and he shouldn't be happy that his girlfriend is so unhappy. I understand that you don't want to hurt her but what about how she isn't being there for you. You are supposed to be happy you are having a baby. It is very joyus occasion. You shouldn't have to be afraid of being happy infront of her. You are caterring to her. I am sorry that she is unhappy as you are to. She made that decision and isn't happy with it. You know when you make decisions that you are one day going to wish that you wouldn't have or some may not it is all different. You should talk to her and tell her that you are very sorry for her and that you wish there was something to do to make her happy. Also tell her that just because she turminated doesn't mean that she can't ever have a child. You could also tell her that she can help you raise your little one and get some practice for when she does have one. Everything does happen for a reason and maybe the time wasn't right for her to have a child or that she may have lost it if she would have kept it. I am not for or against this subject it is a touchy subject. I think that you should also tell her that you are afraid to be happy about you having a baby because you don't want to hurt her. She is a friend and you are there for her it is time for her to return the favor. She is a good friend and those are hard to find.
2007-04-13 03:48:24 · answer #2 · answered by Whitney C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have never been in this situation so I can't say I know how you feel. I do feel for you though. If I were you I'd just carry on being excited. There's no need for you to feel any different. Her body, her choice, right? If she's unhappy with the choice she made that's on her. If she would stop being your friend because you're happy then I don't think she's much of a friend anyway.
Perhaps you could suggest some counseling for her. I can only imagine what she's going through which obviously you and I can't relate. We all make mistakes. This sounds like it was a mistake for her given her deep regret. She needs to figure out a way just to push on. It's important as her friend you help see her through it but in no way should you stop being happy just because of her. That would be a little toxic. Best of Luck!
2007-04-13 03:57:19 · answer #3 · answered by .vato. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be sensitive to her right now. She made a wrong choice but don't let that keep you from being happy. You don't have to be mean about it just tell her that you are excited and want her to share in your joy. Have an open talk about it, if she feels it is too rough right now maybe just try to distance yourself for awhile. If she is fine with it include her in things she can help you out with- baby shower, helping with getting things ready w/the nursery, or just listening to you.
You should also encourage her to go talk to someone about what she did and how she is feeling. Maybe a support group or a therapist.
Whatever you can do for her right now is good. And what she can do for you right now without getting too emotional is also good.
Good Luck and Congrats,
L
2007-04-13 03:49:33 · answer #4 · answered by letigutierrez77 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you're saying you had a physically powerful job and an education suitable? i think of the 1st subject you need to do is pass to a counseler and get a number of your thoughts suitable. You needless to say have multiple issues you're torn approximately and you look very uncertain of your self. mutually as going to the counseler shop the toddler.. then after some months in case you dont' sense greater advantageous approximately you venture start up searching for an adoptive verify couple who unquestionably need and want your toddler. this style you're doing no longer something incorrect and only performing out of love. i'd extremely see you supply this toddler away to a distinctive life then abort it and have it reason you greater stress and confustion on your life (to no longer point out the dying of a toddler) i think of you need to start seeing a counseler very quickly. I want you each and all of the terrific. Please evaluate adoption.
2016-10-02 22:23:31 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend made a choice and now needs to deal with the consequences of her actions. Do not let her choice take away from your happiness and one of the best times of your life. I am sure your relationship will be awkward because you and your baby are a constant reminder to her, but she either needs to learn to deal with it like an adult or you need to separate. Don't let her poor choice bring you down. Enjoy this time and be proud of your choice and your baby!
2007-04-13 03:46:10 · answer #6 · answered by Oh me oh my...♥ 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isn't your fault! You both made a choice when you became pregnant. You made the better choice and aren't suffering because of it. When someone has a miscarriage, they don't have a choice; abortion they do. Go ahead and be happy about your pregnancy. It won't be rubbing it in ehr face unless you say saything petty like "I'm still pregnant and you're not." Congratulations on your baby!
2007-04-13 03:45:31 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
That is going to be touchy I wouldn't gloat over it until she can resolve her issue within her. That will take awhile however you can not give up your joy and descion on having not terminated this is an exciting time for you just becareful on what you say
2007-04-13 03:45:54 · answer #8 · answered by km t 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what she did was wrong but she really needs you now if you can be there for her. Im sure she feels terrible and many woman go through years of depression and guilt so she is going to need a friend. Let her be a part of your joy and let her love your baby.
2007-04-13 03:45:30 · answer #9 · answered by jon jon's girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U need not feel too excited in her presence but she deserves what she's going through. Dont let her stifle ur joy though.
2007-04-13 03:45:38 · answer #10 · answered by sholly 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋