My wife and I went to mediation and the mediator sayed it would be best if the kids live with both parents, so we had joint custody. The kids were with me wen-thur and every other fri, sat sun. So they were with my wife mon-tues and every other fri, sat, sun. After trying it for a month or more the kids were all screwed up, they didn't know where to go after school or who to call after sports and stuff. There school work tanked, it wasn't that there mom or me wouldn't help them its that there were forgetting things back and forth and worring over where to be instead of there lives. So after talking with my wife she decided to let the kids live here and help me out with the kids activitys. My kids miss there mom and want to spend time with her too, she is a wonderful mom. So lately she comes over for supper and spends some time with them and then goes to her apartment after. I still love my wife and don't want a divorce. What should I do? Will this crazy life work at all ? Help? Ideas?
2007-04-13 02:30:40 · 27 answers · asked by BryTheFishGuy.com 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My kids are 14, 12, and 8. One girl and two boys.......
2007-04-13 02:32:21 · update #1
My wife and I don't fight in front of the kids... we don't fight much at all... the only thing that we argue about is I don't what her to leave and she doesn't want to stay and work on it. she says she resents me to much and doesn't want to try anymore. And never in front of the kids.... We both love them to much!!
2007-04-13 02:43:12 · update #2
Mr. Bryan,I know that it is very hard esp. when it comes to children. I don't even know the whole story and it will not be my business, but as you can see your children is torn between the two of you. They are so confussed that they don't even know if they are coming or going and your wife being a mother swallow her pride and set aside the pain and let you have the kids stay with you. It's okay for your wife to spend time with the kids and join you guys for dinner,after all the two of you still married.
just explain to the kids that the adult is having a problem (you and your wife),and they do not have anything to do with it. Now with the live in situation,why don't you and your wife arrange a very clear schedule, see if this will help. Instead of you having the kids Wed.-Thur. and your wife Mon.-Tues. why not let your wife get the kids for 2 weeks and you spend the tie with them 1 week end, then you take the kids 2 weeks and let your wife spend 1 week end with them. so this way your wife and your schedule will not be such a mess. Try this for 2 months and see if it will be easier for the children.
And for you and your wife issue, right now let your wife have her little space away from you. She probably needs some time out after all the things that she's been through. Who knows maybe when she finally can breath she will realize what's going on with her and you too. just don't loose hopes,be strong esp. for the children. right now its the children that needs your attention, and affection, just hang in there and I know that you will make it...............
2007-04-13 03:08:23 · answer #1 · answered by islandgirl06 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are getting a divorce, there must be a reason behind the break up. Look at the reason why and ask yourself, is it something that can be put to the side? Talk to her and see if there is anything that she can do to let the past go.
When you are at a point of divorce, it is hard to go back to a happy marriage, but, you can try. In the mean time, there is nothing wrong with inviting your wife over for dinner so the kids can spend time with her. As long as the two of you do not argue / scream / yell at each other while you are together with the kids, its all good.
If you can still be civil, an unconventional way of doing things would be to have separate rooms and still live in the same house. This way, the kids will have both mom and dad. To do it this way, it feels more like taking a break from each other rather than divorce. I do not know the ultimate reason for your divorce, but, I have seen families live like that - separate yet in the same building.
Right now, the most important is the kids. They need both mom and dad in their lives, and if you don't want a divorce and still love her, then there might still be hope for you guys to get back together. Remember, sometimes, even if the woman is wrong, we still want the guy to admit that they were wrong first.
2007-04-13 02:39:34 · answer #2 · answered by TMemories 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is great you can invite her over! Your children are old enough to see what is happening and I think the more you two get along the better off the children will be. It will cause problems when either of you start to date other people. But till' then change nothing keep having her come over, it just teaches the children to communicate on an adult, civil levle, it shows them that even thought the marriage didn't work family is important and that communication works, it also shows the love you two have for them, among a lot of other things, this is a great thing!
You ask will this crazy life work at all? first off it is working secondly, look at all the children that don't get the opportunity to have supper with their bio mother and bio father. Relax everything is going just the way it is supposed to, it maybe be possible by doing this that the marriage could end up in reconcile but don't push it, let her make that decision, don't come on too strong or you'll push her farther away. It might just mean you too are going to be great firends after all. What ever the case try to go day by day, living at ease, what happens, happens!
2007-04-13 02:52:50 · answer #3 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have an idea, if she's really flexibile on this and you are too for the sake of everyone's schedule, how about if the kids stay with you one week and then her one week. Plus, you could do this, whoever they might need to call on for anything, either one of you can be called. I wouldn't really push the issue of getting back together with her though...that will make things worse. It's good that you guys don't fight in front of the kids though. I know parents who've done the week by week thing and things weren't as confusing or hectic. If it were me, that's what I would suggest =) Good Luck!!
2007-04-13 02:51:18 · answer #4 · answered by suzlaa1971 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, really the question is: can you and your wife get along well in front of the kids? Or will one of you be screaming and yelling?
I think if you all can get along, then that REALLY benefits the kids and that's what is the most important, right?
My ex cannot stand to see me, much less talk to me like a civil adult. We tried this in the beginning and it didn't work. He would sit across the table and call me all sorts of names. Now I pretty much have full custody, except for one weekend per month.
In your case, this may work to your advantage.....your wife may see what she is missing and may change her mind. Maybe you can work things out. I couldn't (domestic abuse) but really wish we could have done SOMETHING. If the kids are mainly living with you and she just comes over now and then, she may realize how lonely it is and want to come back.
Good luck!!!
2007-04-13 02:36:54 · answer #5 · answered by BarbieGurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My ex and I do the same thing we hadn't planned on it but soon after we split we overheard her telling a friend she no longer had a Dad was awful (she's 5) so we compromised and now when her Dad comes too town he often stays at my house and we still do a lot of things as a family we also are not dating yet it's been almost a year but we feel that she is the priority here not us she did not ask to have a messed family so who knows if you keep things open maybe you can reconcile. Good Luck
2007-04-13 02:42:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay. Since you are thinking of the kids. Do you want this to be what they see as normal? Don't allow the kids to use school as a toll to get you two back together. I'm glad you two are on good terms. But no, she should not be living with you if you aren't gonna be married. If you two are just seperating, then she should still live elsewhere until you two can be together. The kids are stronger than you think. Get outside counseling, get them involved in tutoring, church, etc. But this sounds like kids trying to "save" your marriage.
Good Luck.... hope it all works out.
2007-04-13 02:39:31 · answer #7 · answered by jeaniesfloral 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is a great idea. Seems like the two of you are still on good terms. That is what is best for your children. As long as everyone is getting along well and it is working I think that her coming over for supper or any time that works for the two of you is helping your children. Who knows what will happen, this just might bring the two of you back together. Good luck.
2007-04-13 02:39:00 · answer #8 · answered by Dee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the situation is working for you and your wife, then do it. It's not conventional, but it can still work. My concern would be that you get your hopes up and if it doesn't work out the way you want it to, you may turn bitter. As long as you can remember you are doing this for the kids and not you, then I'm all for it. Your kid's needs have to come first.
2007-04-13 02:44:15 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would be nice to think that this will work.
It will not because you are not over this separation yet.
The tension at those meals would be too thick to handle.
Take care of your kids. Keep her at arms length.
She needs to understand that you will not accept her back on any terms.
At some point you will have to stand up to her and quit seeming so needy.
She left you. For whatever reason we do not know. Till now you have been a bit accommodating. Has it helped?
Maybe its time to get angry?
2007-04-13 02:48:16 · answer #10 · answered by Flagger 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋