what should i do? it almost seems like he's bipolar.
he gets extremely upset, jealous, suspicious, and annoyed for
absolutely NO reason (i'm not kidding, and i'm not being defensive). example: he'll ask me to call him at 9am the next day. so, I call at 9am and he screams at me for waking him up.
so then i remind him that he asked me to call, and he yells that i should have known he would be sleeping and the ringtone on his phone is too loud. so, diplomatically, i say: "why don't you call me when you wake up, since you want to sleep right now?"
then he'll accuse me of not wanting to talk to him or of having something more important to do. eeek! i've tried not being so submissive when he acts that way, and it only makes the situation worse. other times he is so sweet and tells me he knows he only gets angry in the morning because he's so tired and he's angry at himself and he wants to change. he'll cry and tell me he doesn't know what to do to change. what should I do?
2007-04-11 22:30:44 · 12 answers · asked by eo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Warning: red flags! If you aren't prepared to deal with his mood swings in the future, seek help now, counseling for both of you. You can be sure of one thing in this unstable territory: he likely will only get worse.
2007-04-11 22:39:08 · answer #1 · answered by August lmagination 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Suggest he be a big boy and invest in an alarm clock to wake himself up so you don't get yelled at for doing something he asked you to do. Also suggest to him to get some help for being bipolar. Hes not going to change, not if this is a repeat action. Talk to him and let him know that you are worried about this, if he gets mad, defensive, then you need to move on, if he sounds concerned, and wants to try to make things better, you might have a chance. Good luck.
2007-04-12 05:36:21 · answer #2 · answered by emtb9 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One of my closest friends is going through a divorce right now because she thought her guy, who was a lot like your fiance, would be different once they were married. It was a nightmare for her. He hit her (acceptable in his culture), forced her to have sex when she was sick, and verbally abused her for causing all of HIS problems. He wouldn't let her call or see any of her friends, and he picked out all her clothes for her so they would be modest enough not to make other guys notice her. And she worked to support him while he got a degree!
Several of us tried to tell her in advance that people don't change just because you get married, but she loved him. Now, six years later, she is in counseling because she has panic attacks every time she sees a car that looks like his. She went to the Salvation Army store and bought some clothes because she hated what he bought for her, but she has no money saved because he spent everything she earned for six years.
Please, don't marry this man! He will shred your sense of who you are and make you absolutely miserable. Abusers are always "sorry," but they don't really change. This man is trouble! Please don't put yourself through what my friend went through!
2007-04-12 10:25:02 · answer #3 · answered by Maple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to go into couples counseling NOW, and put the marriage plans on hold indefinitely. Otherwise, you need to end the engagement.
Look, he's on his "best" behavior right now. If this is the "best" he's going to behave, do you want to spend the rest of your life dealing with this? You deserve something alot better than that!!
So, the option is..counseling or bye-bye. His emotions and inability to control them are his problems. You're willing to work with him on the problems, but you can't take responsibility for them, and you don't need to sacrifice yourself.
2007-04-12 05:44:20 · answer #4 · answered by Kaia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As you describe him as your fiance, I would ask him to attend premarital counseling with you. If he refuses, do not marry him until he does. Depending on how invested you are in the relationship, I would consider termination of the relationship if this behavior continues, he will not change when you are married, and may get worse.
2007-04-12 05:37:02 · answer #5 · answered by Robin R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, don't rush into marriage. You can't change him. Do you want to live the rest of your life being anxious? He needs some counseling. Sounds like something deep going on. You could offer to go with him for support.
2007-04-12 05:35:52 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs.Blessed 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's going through a lot. this is not your falt, he has to sort his own psychocological problem before he had even brought you in your life. I feel sorry for you, can you find help for him instead of trying to help him yourself? my father in law is like this, and whenever i see his face, i feel the end of the world is coming because i have no energy to tell him things will be fine, beasue i need myself some encouragement as well in life.
he needs serious professional help. try to find somewhere in your area, without making him upset or scaring him. Be nice to him if you love him.
2007-04-12 06:09:16 · answer #7 · answered by Spark S 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
re-evaluate why you're marrying him and if you REALLY want to..
my advice about the calling thing would be to just tell him that you refuse to be subjected to his mean behavior any more, so HE can call you when he decides he wants to wake up and not be such a grouch!!
hope he's not mean like that once you're married, or you'll be in for it!!!!
good luck!!
2007-04-12 05:35:22 · answer #8 · answered by idgaf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be hard for him to change his behavior, and if you continue to be with him, you 'll get wrinkles, and he will continue to spoil your day,try to look for someone who doesn't has this sort of temper.
2007-04-12 05:36:33 · answer #9 · answered by emma l 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he aint a good idea for a husband.. u are heading for disaster.. u could do with someone better
2007-04-12 05:33:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋