In the process of reconciliation you identify that your lack of trust in your wife hurt the marriage. You make a commitment to work on it and ask her in return to be honest. Next thing, she is lying again and you remember her that her lying hurt your ability to trust her. She becames defensive and treathens to abandon the reconciliation efforts and to leave if you insist in this cause-effect thinking (lying being the cause, diminished trust being the effect). What are your choices?
2007-04-11 20:56:54 · 13 answers · asked by F A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You know the choices, if she refuses to stay then she has made the choice. My guess is her getting so deffensive is out of guilt and behind guilt normally lies more dishonestly. My gut tells me she is possibly hiding something else and doesn't want you to find out that lie as well. People who know they did wrong would accept the fact that their actions were wrong and caused the mistrust and work to restore that. If she is unwilling to restore the trust and just leave, what do you think that tells you?
2007-04-11 21:06:50 · answer #1 · answered by SpoiledBrat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure but it sounds like she is using this as leverage. If she won't change this habit and you can't live with it - I guess you need to reassess why you still want this woman in your life. Because of the kids? Still in love? If one of you is still unhappy after reconciliation it will affect your kids. As for love.. well... love can only endure so much.
Reconciliation needs the both of you to compromise in things that caused the rift in the first place.
2007-04-11 23:43:06 · answer #2 · answered by hoyden 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It might have just been one of those days for her. People need their space and when you throw out accusations, even if they are true, then people also get defensive. You need to speak with her again and make it as least aggressive as you can. You have to see the issue from her eyes. If she came to you and told you that your lying hurts her, wouldn't you lose it? Sit down with her and just tell her how you feel. If she is still aggressive... you should find out why. Lying is only used to cover up something somebody is ashamed of. You have to make that call. Good luck!
2007-04-11 21:04:20 · answer #3 · answered by arkansas_white_boy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are two things - First either you don't go for reconciliation or Second you go for it. If you have decided to go fot it then remember that trust is something you don't do on others it is something you believe in yourself. If you believe in yourself then forgive her and generate a faith in yourself that you ex-wife will never lie and be sure of your confidence in your thinking process (obviously positive). If you can believe yourself then you can believe her as well. Remember lie starts within and not outside. Take care and enjoy re-union.
2007-04-11 21:03:37 · answer #4 · answered by Gaps 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you probably already know the answer inside. It makes no sense that you have to tolerate her behavior when she is the cause of the problem.
Trust is really important if you want a relationship to work, if you are willing to compromise yet she can't, I'd say let her leave, you'd be better off with someone else. Cheers.
2007-04-11 22:00:54 · answer #5 · answered by crimsonlies 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that if the lying continues, she won't have to leave, you will leave her. Tell her that a marriage is based on trust. If you can not trust her, or she can not trust you, there is no hope. It will eventually crumble. Ask her how she would appreciate it if you were doing the lying to her.
Marriage counseling is your only other alternative.
2007-04-11 21:02:16 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you should do is let her go. Either walk out of her life or let her walk out of yours. Because obviously she can't be honest, to you or herself. So trying to make the relationship work is not a option. You leave her before she does anymore damage to you.
2007-04-11 21:31:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust and honesty are paramount in a relationship.. If your wife is a perpetual liar, you are never going to have any peace of mind.. I suggest, you let her go
2007-04-11 21:00:30 · answer #8 · answered by AdultMALE 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she leaves there isn't much you can do. Be polite.....open the door for her on her way out.
If she says that she wants to leave it is because she has already left in her heart, mind, emotions, and committment.
2007-04-11 22:15:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her leave. She is an ex-wife already remember?
2007-04-11 21:03:37 · answer #10 · answered by happy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋