I am thinking of asking him to leave, but he is 62 years old, has had heart surgery ten years ago and is diabetic. He seems to be aggresive now, and kind of a type that gets angry when I just dont flat out agree with him, he raises his voice and at first I was startled but now I yell back. I really dont even like him now, when he is really cranky I feel afraid to go to sleep, Now am I being a fool, I am considered a smart, level headed person normally, I dont want to put up with this any longer. How do I approach this, should I go away and leave a letter or tell him in a restaurant , I have told him he is cranky, and that we are not happy, then he is ok for a few days. I dont have a long time and I enjoy life and nature and people and kids. oh I am going on and on. Can you help with ideas, even a little, thank-you
2007-04-11 20:42:40 · 6 answers · asked by spuds_suds 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This is a tough one. I'm sure your marriage didn't always seem the way it does now; and that your husband's health issues are a major factor.
You question has some great insights. First, when you tell him what's going on ... things are OK for a few days. Second, that you don't have much longer to enjoy life, nature, people and kids. I think these two points are keys to answering your own question.
I'll take a little liberty to hypothesize now. At our stage of life (I'm in my 50's), I think its safe to say that our lives don't depend on being 'completed' by another person. There is fulfillment in being close and connected to others, but the 'romantic' delusions of needing someone else to complete us as people are usualy exposed as an error by now. So, maybe this is a good time to broaden your relationships with others ... especially siblings, children and grand children.
In order to do this, maybe you need to set firmer boundaries with your husband. He needs to know, on a regular basis, when he's 'acting out' his anger over the bad luck of his health issues ... that you're at your own end of dealing with it ... that you aren't willing to let him take it out on you and the kids. Keeping him on a 'shorter' leash in this area will mean more regular confrontations, but will probably go a long way to free you from the fear you express.
A writer who my wife and I like a lot, and who has helped many women find fulfillment without 'running away' is Dr. Harriet Lerner. I've referenced a couple of her books below. Warm regards to you both.
2007-04-11 20:51:22 · answer #1 · answered by Sultan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With his physical problems you may insist he go to the Dr. and you should go with him. Physical problems could contribute to his irritability. You should go with him in case he minimizes his irritability with the Dr. He may also be depressed and if this is the case, it is very treatable. I went through a spell where I was very irritable with my family. I went to the Dr. and found I had sleep apnea. I was so sleep deprived I was irritable almost all the time. I was treated for the problem and am much better. To summarize, find out if there are physical problems that contribute to the problem. If there are no physical problems than it is most likely depression or anxiety. I wish you well.
2007-04-12 05:44:26 · answer #2 · answered by mjohnson1422 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get St. John's Wort capsules since I am assuming he is adamant against all suggestions for help, break open the capsule and slip a little bit of the powder in his soda or drink, or in his burger on the lettuce. He'll never know. It tends to make a person a little more calmed. I did this twice, they never knew about it. Once I did it with zoloft, which is tasteless, unlike St. John's wort which might be detected. You gotta do what you gotta do. I am serious.
2007-04-12 03:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by August lmagination 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
He's probably depressed. Happens with heart patients. You need to find counseling for him.
Now, the question is, do you still love him? I'm sure you don't like him much, but do you still love him? If you do, then you need to take the time to work this out, as long as he's willing.
If he's not willing, then you need to get yourself out. Just do it honestly..tell him, I love you, but I can't live with you being so miserable. I'm more than willing to go to therapy with you and work with you to get through this. I'm not willing to be unhappy, just because you are.
2007-04-12 05:55:27 · answer #4 · answered by Kaia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to him about how his attitude is making you feel. tell him he has one more chance to change and you want to go to marraige councelling. if he doesnt stop then tell him he needs to leave for a while till he sorts out what is more important to him
2007-04-12 04:02:36 · answer #5 · answered by sharna w 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
he is jealous u to ur kids, that u can talk and have a common topics with they, but he cant, so he has a problem, u must hardly talk about, dont leave him, untill u dont talk uabd disscuss the real problem
2007-04-12 03:51:44 · answer #6 · answered by Guly 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋