In the process of reconciliation you identify that your lack of trust in your wife hurt the marriage. You make a commitment to work on it and ask her in return to be honest. Next thing, she is lying again and you remember her that her lying hurt your ability to trust her. She becames defensive and treathens to abandon the reconciliation efforts and to leave if you insist in this cause-effect thinking (lying being the cause, dimished trust being the effect). What are your choices?
2007-04-11 19:07:58 · 14 answers · asked by F A 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Not that I am defending my ex here, but this is an argument that she uses and gets me: "if you want to be with me you must love and trust me for who I AM, no matter what". Would that be "true love" or plain stupidity on my side?
2007-04-11 19:23:47 · update #1
Either accept her lying or leave. She is already out the door because she has told you accept me and my lying or we're through. Might as well leave now before it costs more (in both money and emotional cost)
2007-04-11 19:12:17 · answer #1 · answered by msmthtchr 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Once a woman leaves and broke trust... there is nothing much you can do. She has decided to leave you and no amount of effort you make will matters.
On the other hand if she is sincere, she would noy have lied. She would feel bad when lying and she will make effort for the reconcilliation.
Reconcilliation is ONLY possible when both parties make and effort to give a try. If ONLY one party is doing it, you can forget about reconcilliation. Not in a million years, as they have already decided long ago, and perhaps going through the motion is for their own image that the marriage fail is not because of her.
Don't waste time be firm and MOVE ONnnnn... Trust me if she wants the relationship, she will come after you..
take care.
2007-04-12 02:23:37 · answer #2 · answered by trymejames 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi
If there is lying in the relationship then it is not worth having and you may never get back trust even if the lying stops(very unlikley)..My ex husband lied all the time and I finually left him as I couldnt trust him and now I am happily married and we disclose everything to one another and that is the way a true relationship grows,survives and blossoms..Hope this helps and I am sure there is a better relationship out there for you..
2007-04-12 02:35:16 · answer #3 · answered by gg_rider7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing with a relationship is that sometimes we stop acting like reasonable adults. The point is, what is she lying about? Is it that big a deal?
Are you expecting her to be honest about everything? Does she have her reasons for lying?
You have to make a decision, she is obviously going to keep lying. You have tried talking to her about it. Can you tolerate it? If not, you might have to let her leave.
2007-04-13 00:17:29 · answer #4 · answered by Jason C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think she's not making any freakin sense. She's throwing logic out the window. My ex is like this. I simply could not reason with her ever so I just make sure I have as little to do with her as possible.
How can you be in a close relationship with somone you do not trust? You can't.
2007-04-12 02:13:54 · answer #5 · answered by Pallas 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know that she's lying beyond the shadow of a doubt, kick that broad right in the behind and tell her to, "Get out!" Why be pacified? It's like when a woman says, "If you love me you'd ........." Whatever! Women are creatures man will never understand, EVER. GL man.
2007-04-12 02:14:50 · answer #6 · answered by Pontius 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't trust her, there's no basis for a reconciliation. If there are children, you can try and stay for their sake, but there's not much you can do about her lying.
2007-04-12 02:12:33 · answer #7 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why reconcile? If you took a drink of milk and it was sour, would you put it back in the fridge and expect it to be fresh in the morning? Leave her!!!
2007-04-12 02:39:20 · answer #8 · answered by night_flyer_07 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't want to compromise, or at least negotiate this problem. And just wanted to leave, if so then let her be. There is nothing you can't change her , unless she wanted to change it for herself.
2007-04-12 02:26:04 · answer #9 · answered by Lilian 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
leave her , for threatening you. a threat is not love.
i left my ex-wife for how she treated me. and we had only been married a short time.
life is love. death is other.
2007-04-12 02:16:35 · answer #10 · answered by Aaron M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋