Family problem - Help.?

Question

I am a bengali girl and am recently married. I live in a joint family with my in-laws. Our house has just 1 bedroom and my sister-in-law (she is 15) sleeps in our room (on the floor) and we have to adjust her at night.

I keep worrying that our intimacy and noise will wake her up and she will see me and my husband in a compromising state.
I keep telling this to my husband but doesnot care. He says that she will not 'look' and is a child. She wont understand what we are doing, she is sleeping etc...Many times he tells her to "go to sleep early" and then gets intimate with me after half hour (I am not sure if she asleep or not).

But many times in the last week, she keeps asking questions which are uncomfortable for me and which make me feel she has seen us.

What do i do? We cant afford another house or make her leave? Help with suggestions

She asks questions about my lingerie,nighties and things like that. These may be just innocent questions - but i feel scared...

Are we corrupting a innocent girl - assuming she has seen what we are doing at night?
Plus we dont own a car and cant afford to go to a hotel everytime my husband feels like getting intimate.

Answer 1

I have gone through almost all questions you have been asking in this forum for the last 10 months starting for loss of virginity by digital masturbation to having trouble with your boyfriend regarding your marriage, to taste of urine while giving b l o w job to your boyfriend to your weird brother in law walking in undergarments in front you & even touching you physically, to your sister in law sleeping in your room (when your husband was out of the country) was exposing your legs, to your mother in law objecting to your wearing nighty, to now your sister in law sleeping in the same room where you sleep with your husband, rather you have asked this question thrice. One thing I cant understand if you are really serious with your questions are simply wasting time of the other members here or just entertaining them in this very serious forum where matters relating to real matrimonial matters & divorce etc are been discussed? You say this sister in law is 16years that was about 7 months back she had a boyfriend also & she knows all about sex relationship, now you say she is 15 years & very innocent. Dear what all you want to ask or know from us about her? If she see you doing sex with your husband it will have bad effect on her, but last time you were thinking about her gay mentality? Do you think people here give serious reply to your question thinking you really require their expert opinion but what I feel you only passing time here & befooling every one. If you have serious problem with your sisters sleeping in your room then tell your husband about this why asking what we can do for this & that also three times!

Answer 2

A 15-year-old is not a child, and is well aware of intimacy. Do you realize how many 13 and 14 year old girls are having children? The intimacy needs to STOP as long as anyone under the age of 18 is in the same room. Do you realize that is considered to be SEXUAL ABUSE! You and your husband should have been more financially stable before getting married. There is no reason, so many people should be sharing a 1 bedroom. If that was my husband, I would be consulting an attorney about a divorce. I can't believe her parents aren't concerned about the intimacy in the same room as their daughter. In my opinion, everyone over the age of 18 in your house needs to be brought up on charges, and listed on THE REGISTERED SEX OFFENDERS LIST! How would you feel if someone was being intimate in the same room as your 15-year-old daughter?

Answer 3

She is 15 and she doesn't know whats going on? What kind of closeted world was your husband brought up in? One, you really need to set a time to get happenin when your sister-in-law isn't there in the room with you. That's screwed up I would feel uncomfortable getting intimate with my wife if we had a newborn baby sleeping in the room. Second you need to sit down with your husband and make him understand that you are super uncomfortable with the situation. Good luck, hope you work everything out.

Answer 4

You sister-in-law is 15 and be very sure that she understands and feels what is going around her. And it is you activities that have given raise to her curiosity. It seems you can not readily resolve the situation. Here are few suggestions which might ease things a bit you.

Try talking freely to your sister-in-law, answering all her questions. Even if you are a bit uncomfortable, this will answer all her curiosity. Given circumstances, you can not avoid the sex issue. Teenagers are more interested in things that are prohibited. When the 'prohibition' is lifted, and once she has answers to her questions, her interest level would be back to normal level.

When you do talk to her, make sure you treat her like a grown-up. Teenagers crave to be treated like a grown-up. If you treat her like that, she will also treat you with respect and be loyal to you.

Once you have talked with her, you can use a Saree/bed-cover to divide the room and have little bit privacy, obstructing her view. She can also give you suggestions as to when you can get some free time with your husband without any praying eyes.

Answer 5

I am sure it is simply a terrible situation for you.But all i can suggest you to have patience in your relationship with your husband and plan to get a better house to nourish your relationship and your family too.For that purpose you can make an effort towards it by working somewhere i mean to say that your affordability can be raised by your effort. If you have capability to understand such problem then you surely will be able to come out of it. Firstly try out for a job and further find out many plans and policies of banks for a home loan and please don't think i am a banker because i am not.

Answer 6

dear devika,

Understanding from what you have written.I have few pointers please give it a serious thought .

1. Can't your SIL sleep in the drawing room or adjust in kitchen?

2. Please understand she is a growing girl and exploring her body.There is nothing to feel frightened and feel guilty about her asking questions.You are her best friend and you should mentor her on emotional and biological aspects of human body , sex and AIDS.Treat her like your best friend and share your inconvenience very politely.I am sure she will understand.First build trust that you are her best friend and she will gladly do it.

3. Best way to pressure on your hubby to buy a new flat, start saving, you should also start working and on weekends visit your distant relatives whom you have not visited for a long time.

4. SEX is not bad , its part of your body and last but not the least Both of you should seriously guard your privacy.

5. Show the movie -"PIYA KA GHAR' to your family members. starring anil dhawan and jaya bhaduri .My favourite song can be shared here-yeh jeevan hai....

So till then,mishti bol

regards
babumoshai

Answer 7

From experience, I used to sleep in my parents room and I could here them doing it like right next to me. They thought I was asleep and I pretended to be asleep because if I woke up and caught them doing it I would be so freaked out or I dont think I would know what to say if I actually saw them. But all in all it made me very uncomfortable. You better make some arrangements NOW because I dont think she's really asleep. Trust me on that. Im 14.

Answer 8

Hello,
Happy news is you are more concerned about your sister-in-law than your husband. Your sister-in-law will be knowing what is happening in night she is not a small girl. This may affect her studies if you have good terms with your Mother-in-law try to speak to her and tell you are feeling bad and concerned about your sister-in-law. Tell your mother-in-law to talk to your husband. You also tell your husband that this is not good for your sister-in-law.You should solve this problem without affecting your marriage.
Best of Luck.

Answer 9

How about you have sex somewhere else? Say in the car parked somewhere dark and lonely or in the shower. Be inventive...his sis is 15 and I'm pretty damn sure she knows what's going on. When you were 15 what did you know of sex? I knew enough to know that I wanted to try it out for my own self and not just missionary either! I'd be totally uncomfortable having sex in your situation. I'd find someplace quiet away from prying eyes...and siblings.

Answer 10

Shift your entire family to a double bed room flat or shoft you two people to anoather single room.Because nowadays age 15 is enough for observing these things.Due to this her thoughts round around this types of things only instead of her studies.