My wife and I agreed to have a good friend of mine join us for what we thought would be an innocent encounter. My wife and I had mentioned doing this in the past, but in a jokinly matter. I never thought it would happen until it did last Monday after we had a few white wines too many. I would not recommend doing this to anyone. My feelings have been all over and up and down. When my wife gives me oral pleasure she never "finishes" and spits it out. I never gave it any thought and just thought that she does not like the taste or that it is gross. But on Monday as she gave my friend oral pleasure and he ejaculated in her mouth she did not spit it out. After, when I asked her about it and told her how hurt I was by this, she told me that she was worried about what HE would think,.. if she did not swallow his semen. I have been thinking about this a lot, and wonder if I should leave her or should I try and sort things out?
Thanks
2007-04-11 17:18:07 · 9 answers · asked by Charles B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am upset at my friend for doing what he did. He could have pulled out. Also, my wife knew he was about to "do it" and she could have stopped. Not only did she knowingly continue, but she finished it. My heart just sank witnessing it. It was like it all happened in slow motion. I am mad with both of them, and myself for letting this happen in the first place. I think I may have ruined a good friendship. I don't know if I can get over this...It was very strange afterwards, and my wife did not talk to me either. Thats what is bothering me. I did not do anything that night to upset her...
I dont buy it that she feels guilty. She did not have to do what she did. It was NOT supposed to go that far....
2007-04-11 19:10:36 · update #1
well no offense but if you didn't set the rules properly beforehand then you don't get to complain about what happened right in front of you. She's not psychic and she couldn't have necessarily known it would hurt you so.
Let me try to put this delicately; people have sex differently with different people. One of the reasons some people get turned on by the notion of their spouse having sex with someone else is to see what their spouse will do in a unique situation. But it's a gamble. The fact is, when giving a *******, swallowing vs spitting is not always an option given, sometimes the thrust of the action gives one no choice but to swallow and sometimes the receiver pulls out before swallowing can happen. It's not totally up to the giver. And being caught up in the situation, I'msure she wasn't really "thinking" about it, you know? She probably thought it was no big deal.
Her saying she was worried about what he thought sounds a bit like she's saying she didn't really have time to control the situation that closely and thus just went with the moment. If she's used to you pulling out, then she might have even been surprised. Then there's the fact that of course she doesn't worry too much about how you feel when she does you; you're her husband and you're going to love her even if she spits.
Personally, although I understand how hurt you are, I think if you're considering leaving her becuase of this, there's more going on than you are admitting. If you love her then why would you leave over a misunderstanding that you were full party to?
Work on it in counselling, with a counsellor who is sympathetic to "alternative" sexuality. Otherwise you're going to hear a lot of negativity that neither of you wil benefit from.
2007-04-11 21:19:18 · answer #1 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Threesome Regrets
2016-11-07 06:26:57 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Omg, do not leave her. This was an experiment you both tried, and you both knew the risks and emotional complication is definitely a risk. I can see what your wife was thinking for sure. This can be sorted out and worked through. What you did was emotionally intense, and sometimes things happen, people say things....but that doesn't change the fact that you are married.
Now - I have to say, I would love to go through what you did. That deep feeling of jealousy...the fact that she did something for another guy that she wasn't doing before...if I were you, I'd try to enjoy that experience, because even if it hurts a little, what can be more erotic? It's very sexy....it might be a one time thing because the emotions are too intense, but you have to admit that this idea turns you on a little, right? Don't punish her, enjoy it with her.
2007-04-11 18:28:11 · answer #3 · answered by Paul 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Had this topic ever came up before while you were sober? Could this have been something you all wanted to do before becoming intoxicated? I'm sorry to say but alot of times people use alcohol to do what they really wanted to all along. You and your husband know what you all did since you both remembered it happened. You both will need counseling as this will continue to be in the back of your minds and it will come up again. You all need to not drink anymore if you wont be able to control your hormones. Jealousy is a normal emotion and you all need to recommit to each other and ask for forgiveness from each other and God(if you are religious) This is the very reason why couples in monogamous relationships should steer clear of this type of activity as it will only cause major problems ie trust issues as well as jealousy. If you all do not get counseling you are going to have to talk about it sooner or later and nip any concerns you all have in the bud before continuing on so your relationship can be healthy from this point on. Good Luck
2016-03-17 23:45:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, so you're going to punish her for something that you both did? Because I'll bet that threesome was your idea, too. Didn't you think in advance that you might not want to see how your wife has sex with another man? I presume you love your wife for more than sex, right? You should absolutely try and sort this out, and get professional counseling if you can't do it by yourselves. You shouldn't break up a marriage over this, you participated in it, too.
2007-04-11 17:43:55 · answer #5 · answered by Katherine W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love and sex are two different things. Tough luck, you witnessed something you didn't want but you sort of set yourself up to be in the situation anyway. You cannot share your wife with someone else and feel happy if you're not comfortable with her sharing intimate moments with other men. Get some counseling and try to save the marriage by focusing on how to make the present better, you cannot undo what she's done and accept that it was just sex. It wasn't like she was in love with the other guy.
2007-04-11 20:25:43 · answer #6 · answered by phoenix_rising_28 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave. It will never be the same. Don't blame alcohol either, you both knew what you were doing. If she was more worried about what HE would think it shows who her priority is. Your marriage is over, learn a hard lesson and have a threesome with 2 women next time.
2007-04-11 17:38:56 · answer #7 · answered by mimi s 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are very confused..
You had the wrong 3some..
Never have a MMF 3some with wife or g/f...
Never ever allow another man or couple in your bed..
Swinging / Swapping & open marriages are doomed to fail.
The only safe multi partner sex is a FFM 3some with the
wife always inviting the other woman...Man never contacts
other woman outside the house...
Been there, done that...
You made a big mistake...
2007-04-11 17:40:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can stay or go,it's that simple. Your wife's reason is as we both know is BULL S H I T !!! in that moment she did what she wanted never doubt that.
2015-10-18 03:42:30 · answer #9 · answered by Tom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get over it. when you play with fire you get burn.
do not throw it in her face what happened, it was probably
your ideal to do it in the first place, just move on and don't do it again. don't leave her cause she swallowed his nut.
she was probably very turned on with the whole deal and would have done other things too, if given the chance.
just leave it be and grow up. just drop it
2007-04-11 17:39:00 · answer #10 · answered by Richie 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋