Do you agree loving, marrying...is temporarily joy but causing self-sufferings at the end?

Question

you imagaine ...when your spouse die, how sad you will be and if you do not attach to anyone, no suffering..

Answer 1

Well, there are two concepts. When you walk upon the soft grass barefoot, you enjoy the softness of grass very much, but you have to bear also the sharpness of stones and thorns that is spread under the grass.

With Chappals on, neither the softness nor the pain of sharpness are felt.

The solution lies in a story something like this.

Imagine severing a sweet Jackfruit that is ripe.

Cut it with knife in hand and you see the sticky gum from it sticking you again and again all over the body whenever you try to remove it spoiling all the fun for enjoying the sweet fruit.

Now apply some oil in the hands and then cut that fruit. Now you enjoy the sweetness of the fruit very much without the fear of sticky gum.

May be the so called normal living that we see in this world is like the barefooted walk through the grass, like cutting the jackfruit with sticky gum sticking us.

The life following Vedanta is something like the walk with chappals, neither the happiness nor the pain, like doesn't want to cut the Jackfruit at all.

And now, the life according to Vedas with a few restrictions and some laws and Heirarchial systems are something like enjoying the fruit in a controlled fashion, a kind of controlled aggression, with precautions not to stick, like being very watchful and vigilant throughout the barefoot walk to avoid thorns and stones.

Sathya Sai Baba say, WATCH

W - Watch your Words

A - Watch your Actions

T - Watch your Thoughts

C - Watch your Character

H - Watch your Heart

More thoughts on Vedas and Vedanta over here in this link

http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-xXSjjhg7er9d7VyaCsYH4qyJveacMoF0?p=72

SAI RAM

Answer 2

Because nothing lasts forever, if you start anything good, it will come to an end, and you will be sad. So your observation can apply to almost anything, e.g., playing sports, watching the mini-series "Heroes"...even living. Therefore, naturally love and marriage (this one's suspect though) must come to an end at some point, and you will be sad (self-suffering).

But also consider the amount of total extra happiness you get over a marriage or relationship. It seems to be greater (and hopefully far greater) than any pain that results, incl. when it ends. So there's a net gain of happiness from the whole affair, which is a good thing.

This, of course, does not apply if you are someone who takes break-ups, etc. very badly. If that causes more pain than the sum of extra happiness from the relationship, then you're right...why even bother to start?

Answer 3

Suffering is not an effect from a cause.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erick_Erickson

Stage One Oral-Sensory: from birth to one, trust vs. mistrust, feeding;

Stage Two Muscular-Anal: 1-3 years, autonomy vs.doubt, toilet training;

Stage Three Loco-motor: 3-6 years, initiative vs.inadequacy, independence;

Stage Four Latency: 6-12 years, industry vs.inferiority, school;

Stage Five Adolescence: 12-18 years, identity vs.confusion, peer relationships;

Stage Six Young Adulthood: 18-40 years, intimacy vs.isolation, love relationships;

Stage Seven Middle Adulthood: 40-65 years, generativity vs.stagnation, parenting;

Stage Eight Maturity: 65 years until death, integrity vs.despair, acceptance of one's life.

Answer 4

Emotional suffering results from atitude. If you believe that Yes, I loved her very much, but I am strong and I will go on because life did not end with her. All Life is temporary and I knew that all things end. So now I must on for I have a life to live.

Answer 5

The object is to make your relationships worth the suffering. You may pay a price in the end, but hopefully your memories will be worth more than the suffering. I'd rather have tremendous highs and lows then feeling dead in the center.

Answer 6

Until one can get beyond self-centeredness there will alway be suffering. The problem in your question that creates suffering is not the....loving.marrying part, it is that s-word (self). Even when a loved one dies the pain that one may suffer is all about selfishness, the one that dies is free, that should be a cause for joy.

Answer 7

Well, the old saying is that it's better to have loved & lost than never to have loved at all. When I lost two friends last year, part of me was so angry at death, at life. I almost wanted to curl into a ball & shut myself off from ever loving anyone again. What's the point of getting close to someone & getting so used to their face & their voice that you can't imagine life without them? What's the point of believing someone will always be there when they can suddenly be snatched away so cruelly without warning?

The point is because every day that I had with him was a blessing. I wouldn't trade a moment of it. So even if I had to bawl my eyes out & feel a hollow in my gut & write him songs & paint him in pictures after tragedy struck it's worth it. He brought joy to my life for the brief time I knew him. It was a gift. I wouldn't erase that.

Life can be cruel. We never know when we might lose a loved one. But you still love them. Because love makes life beautiful.

Love yourself & be strong enough to exist on your own if you need to, but open your heart to love others. You can't shut yourself off from anything that might cause pain or you will never really live.

:)
Peace out.

Answer 8

Every relationship that becomes important to us ends in either anger or sorrow.

Since relationships with others are a basic human need, we go ahead and countenance that eventual emotional distress, hoping that the positives in the interim are well worth it.

For that matter, many do not even countenance the eventual pain. I once pointed out to a student that all relationships eventually change, and she, wide-eyed, declared that her relationship with her mother would NEVER change. (I'd like to ask her about it now, over 20 years later.)

For one nuanced exploration of the potentialities of eventual pain from a relationship, watch the movie "Shadowlands."

Answer 9

Loving and marrying is really about having kids or healing each other. It is a good thing either way. Whether it is temporary or permenant doesn't matter.

How do I know... I am 45 and have been married for 18 years.

Answer 10

Adjustment is life. It is how you feel. Joy and suffering exist together and not seperate. Hence required.