Problems with my in laws...HELP?

Question

Ive been having problems with my fiancee's family. His mother ran and told his sister in law that I cld her a lesbian which I never did. His sister says that I talk about his parents like they are dogs which I dont. Ive been threatened by his brother and his oldest sister. Everytime they decide to go to his mothers house I have to find somewhere to go. Its driving me nuts because I cant tell them how i really feel about them it will make things worse. These ppl are all about 10-20 yrs older than me and act like this. Help what should I say to them when they come at me with this crap without causing more problems. How do I tell them that they r liars?

Answer 1

Don't call them liars or anything bad, cut yourself off from them, OR whenever they ask you for any advice, don't say anything. If they call and start rambling on about someone else, don't say anything. You have to cover your @ss. Please don't make things worse by calling them liars, and blah blah blah. Let your husband handle this if you want some results now. This is his side of the family, and he needs to take care of this, not you. Cut yourself off from them before something else happens!

Answer 2

The most powerful thing you can do in dealing with difficult family members is to just say nothing, nothing, nothing. No matter how rational you may be in speaking to them you will only inflame the situation. It may seem wrong not to stand up for yourself but when people get so out of line like these folks sound, there is nothing to gain in confronting them. You will just be throwing yourself into the middle of their drama, which of course will be what they are dying for you to do so they can eat you alive. Be a big girl and stay strong and stay out of it. When I was first married I made a small comment about my in-laws that I thought was very innocent but it made it back to them. I don't think it caused any serious damage but it taught me the lesson about how things you can say can so easily be construed. And there is always someone somewhere eager to say "Do you want to hear what she said about you behind your back......". Choose a couple close friends to be your confidants to share your frustrations with, and then never, ever say anything negative about your inlaws to anyone else. I'm not saying you did anything wrong, but you know how people are always looking for some dumb reason to fued.

Answer 3

You can't because liars are self supporting, meaning you can call them any thing you want but they will believe otherwise. I was married to a liar and come to find out she also had behavioral disorders. Compulsive and pathological lying is one of the traits of the mental illness. Do a search for pathological lying" and read the many types of people that this is representative of. Pathological lying is a trait of the pathological sociopath that we, in my day a psychopath. psychopathy is the study of the sociopath. The will give a profile of the type person they are and it is interesting. Print off a copy and if it applies the next time your husband wants you to go with him give him the profile and tell him sorry, they are dangerous people.

Answer 4

do you know for sure that they have been saying these things? where did you get the information? could that someone be the one who is lying or perhaps stretching the truth? make sure you have the facts before you do anything. maybe it's b/c i'm a little older or maybe it's b/c i've never dealt with something like this in my adult life but, i find it hard to believe that people who are what, 25-30?, can be so unbelievably petty. if this all turns out to be fact, let them have it with both barrels. don't worry about causing more problems b/c clearly, it won't matter. you'll ave problems with them no matter what.

Answer 5

I have problems with my in-laws too. It's just way easier not to let them get the best of you. Your fiancee needs to be the one to stand up for you, but if he doesn't, honey, you can't blame him. He will only stand up to them the only way he knows how. So my best response is to accept them as they are and realize that no matter how many times you wrap your brain around it, it will NEVER make sense to YOU. My husband backs me up 100% in all matters of my in-laws. Just not necessarily in the way I WOULD HANDLE IT, you know? Put on that smiley face and move on. I just hope for your sake you don't live with them. If you do, MOVE OUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. If not, relax in the comfort of your own home, and DO NOT let these petty people get to you. As long as it isn't causing problems for you and your honey, don't worry. In fact, KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS! Always works for me. And remember, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, so if they are that much older than you, then chances are it's not going to change no matter what you say. Good luck!

Answer 6

My retarded family is the same way. Just keep your distance, but remain cordial. It has worked for me throughout the years. Also, don't be afraid to hang up on them, but do it "nicely" by saying something like "there's something in the oven, gotta go, bye" so they get the hint not to call back. Good luck!

Answer 7

You stay out of it. You tell your fiance that you WILL NOT be disrespected and you expect that he will stand up for you. If he's unwilling to do this for you, you're in for a long, lonely marriage. It's your fiance's problem. You two may need to stay away from them as much as possible. They sound toxic.
Be cool and rise above it. Don't let them win by drawing you into a pissin' match. Good luck!

Answer 8

If you don't talk to any of them they can't say anything about you, right? Just avoid them.