My husband will not stop smoking marijuana. I was okay with it at first because he said he was going to stop when we got married. Now that I want to have kids, I don't feel comfortable with him smoking anymore. Plus his habit is costing a lot of money. What should I do? I love him, but I don't know how long I can keep doing this.
2007-04-11 10:56:25 · 10 answers · asked by mustanglvr 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He needs to grow up and stop smoking. Would he want your future children seeing him? Money is hard to come by, so he needs to see the expense of it. Not only that what if he got caught and the price to pay a lawyer and for all to see in the paper, he could lose his job. Ask him which is more important family or smoking, if he answers smoking then yes, by all means I would find someone who wants the same as me.
2007-04-11 11:36:04 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you and your husband have a lot to talk about. You have every reason to be concerned about your husbands marijuana use. Whether you should leave or not is really a hard question to answer. It would be irresponsible for me or anyone else to tell you to leave your husband unless he were willing to quit smoking marijuana cold turkey. Life doesn't work like that. Marijuana, like cigarette smoking and alcohol, is an addiction. It is something that just doesn't happen over night. It is something you are going to both have to come to terms with and both be willing to seek counseling. Marriage is something that is often taken for granted. In today's society most people take a "my way or the highway" approach to marriage, but marriage isn't like that at all. Marriage is sacred and it is about compromise. You by your own admittance said that your husbands use of marijuana was "okay with you in the beginning". For you to up and leave him now just because he isn't willing to give up smoking marijuana would be selfish and unfair. You are asking him to change and that simply doesn't happen over night. It takes time. I am a Christian man and I don't approve, nor have I ever used any illegal drugs of any kind. I am glad to see that you have come to realize that smoking marijuana is a bad habit. Lack of communication is so often the thing that dooms most marriages. My advice to you is to sit down and have a calm, civilized, heart to heart talk with your husband. Tell him why you want him to give up smoking marijuana and how important it is to you. Most importantly tell him that you love him and you are concerned. The worst thing in the world you can do is to give an altematum. Your only altematum should be that you are not going to let marijuana or anything else DEFEAT your marriage. If you haven't already, I would also recommend that you invite Christ into your relationship. There is nothing bigger than God or true love and I believe both will prevail in your life and your marriage if you give either or both the chance. I will keep you in my prayers. Peace and God bless!!!
2007-04-11 18:53:46 · answer #2 · answered by cave man 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm afraid there's no compromise here; either he smokes or he doesn't. If you are absolutely sure that you could not tolerate smoking anymore, tell him this, and make him choose: pot or you. Be prepared to walk away if he chooses pot. If it is negotiatable, then make peace with it and accept his habit; it is likely to stay. Don't try to hang around trying to change him - if he is not willing to change, you will be wasting both of your time and emotional resourses. Either he has to want to quit, or you have to accept his habit - otherwise, you need to part ways. It's best to look for a drug-free partner to begin with.
2007-04-11 18:03:04 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you say ok at first? You should talk to him about it. About how you want kids and don't want it around them. Also that it's costing alot of money. Plus if doing it at home you could end up getting arrested right along with him. You know it's not right yet you ok it. That makes you guilty also.
2007-04-11 18:07:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to give him a choice, you or the drugs, if he chooses the drugs then you know he never really loved you. Marijuana is not an addictive drug, there is no withdrawal problems to worry about, so he can quit whenever he wants. The fact that he hasnt quit already shows that it is more important to him then you are. I say tell him to quit or your gone and make sure he quits completely.
2007-04-11 18:01:53 · answer #5 · answered by Kevin J 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, it's a bad habit and if you want kids and he loves you enough he should quit for the sake of your marriage and happiness. second of all if he can't quit like he said he would there is no reason for you to sit around unhappy for his habit. I believe everyone should be happy and compromise for the sake of their spouses.
2007-04-11 18:05:02 · answer #6 · answered by ang 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should leave. Temporarily. Tell him your not coming back until he's been through rehab. And not just IN rehab, but THRU rehab. If that doesn't work, , move on, you don't need a loser in your life, and you definitely don't want to raise kids that way!
2007-04-11 18:01:39 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave. Find someone that wants to have kids just like you do. He will never change.
2007-04-11 18:00:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anne B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my ex did this and eventually our marriage ended. He mever gave it up after we had children and it cost us too much.
2007-04-11 19:42:52 · answer #9 · answered by mydds07 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to NA
2007-04-11 18:07:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋