I am 36 yoa male, w/ 2 children in Oklahoma City(recently moved in the middle of the night.) I was unemployed in Missouri for last 5 months due to either effort on my part or local economy of jefferson city mo(40,000 people)
My wife of 14 years, 33 yoa, met a guy at a bar (she didnt tell she was stopping there also. (she says she went there to tell him she didnt want anything to do with him) was caught by him calling me at hometo pick her up and that she was drunk (possible medication interaction from pysch meds) and needed to be picked up by this guy.
Am I wrong to leave, w. my kids I know women leave if the toilet seat is up, but I think It was acceptable....Cheating is cheating. I havent filed for divorce, but we continue to talk about this
What do I do? (she has since been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder)
2007-04-11 08:14:34 · 15 answers · asked by pauljpray 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your right. Cheating is cheating. I don't know your wife but I do know that if she is medicated for a borderline personality disorder then your life just became a whole lot more complicated than her simply cheating on you. Sometimes love isn't about what you do for someone, it is about what you will ENDURE for someone. If her process is something you want to be involved with then you'll stick it out and get yourself some counseling so you can better understand her disorder. If not, then stay gone and let some other woman in the future raise your kids. In the end, do you want kids around a woman with a disorder who may potentially grow up with their own disorders or do you want to provide them an environment that is stable and healthy. It could be years and years and years before you see anything come to fruition with her. Me, I would stay gone. You? Think about it. That's all. Good luck.
2007-04-11 08:22:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow...it's tough to figure out exactly what your situation is, but I gather that you and your wife moved recently and she cheated on you and then later was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder?
Cheating is a bad thing, don't get me wrong, but I don't think it is the "end of the world" either. I think that many people use cheating as an excuse to get out of a relationship that they otherwise were already unhappy with. If you truly love someone and they make a mistake and they are remoseful about it, then I think that it is your obligation to try and patch things up. If you pledged to love, honor and cherish this woman and she cheated one time and now has been diagonsed with a medical problem, it is your JOB to stay with her and help her. Unless this cheating is a pattern that she continued or continues now, then give it a try and work things out.
2007-04-11 08:23:51 · answer #2 · answered by missapparition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Her behaviour is not unusual for someone with borderline. So I wouldn't exactly 'blame' her per se. But at the same time, you don't have to spend your life married to someone who has serious problems.
I guess its your call. You might want to spend a little time on websites for partners of those with borderline before deciding what you want to do.
Your wife is unbalanced, and likely always will be. Perhaps it could be better managed now that you and she know about it. I'm not interested in deciding whether what she did is right or wrong (obviously its 'wrong' but the future is what matters). If you were a friend of mine, I'd support either decision by you.
2007-04-11 08:56:31 · answer #3 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think definately a break is needed, even if you dont leave her for good and get divorced. The fact she has some mental problems could explain the reasoning for her drinking and cheating but you sound unhappy and staying will only lead you further into uhnappiness. Can you not go anywhere and take your kids with you for a little while until she sorts herself out?
Good luck with everything
2007-04-11 08:20:55 · answer #4 · answered by butterfly.bride 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you're not wrong to leave. Actions have consequences. It's all part of being a responsible adult. Who's going to respect you if you don't respect yourself.
She didn't accidentally go back to his house, her clothes didn't accidentally fall off, and she didn't accidentally fall into bed with him. She is responsible for her actions, and you are responsible for yours. Good for you.
Borderlines are tough. They never accept responsibility for their actions, feelings, or anything. That's a rough cross to try to bear. She should have worked on herself before her actions brought these consequences.
If she had shared her condition, you could have tried to work through it with her. Next time, be more careful about who you fall in love with.
2007-04-11 08:30:05 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is never okay period. But it is hard to say anything else because we are not in the relationship with you. Some people choose to stay. Personally I think you did the right thing!
2007-04-11 08:21:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on whether you believe in "in sickness and in health" of your vows? Are you going to see her thru this illness and be by her side to battle it and conquer it or are you going to cut and run? How bad was your marriage before this event? Did you trust your wife before this? You need to do some soul searching and then make your decision. Good luck to you and your children and may God Bless you all.
2007-04-11 08:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is NEVER ok.I think once a cheater always a cheater.Sorry to hear aobut it.But i would of left too.
2007-04-11 08:18:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how much you love her.. but I never think it's acceptable. Get your feet on the ground first, and then leave.
2007-04-11 08:19:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce, keep the kids, move on.
2007-04-11 08:27:29 · answer #10 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋