what happens if you cant have sex with your spouse?

Question

ive been with my boyfriend for over 2yrs now. we had a baby girl last sept 2006.. I still have a lot of love for him but i dont know what to do. i cant seem to have interest when he tries to kiss me and have sex with me?

Answer 1

Sex is a reasonable expectation in any committed relationship - sorry.

First step - consult your doctor and tell him/her exactly what is happening. There are several biological factors that effect sex drive (especially after having children) and your physician may be able to suggest some things you might be able to do to get that fire going again.

Second step - if you expect to remain in a committed, monogamous relationship with this gentlemen, you are going to HAVE to throw him a bone here and there regardless of if you're turned on or not. If you're not having sex at least once a month, don't be surprised if his eyes start wandering.

I'm guessing that "no sex after we have children" was not part of the bargain he signed on to, correct?

However - before we get all drastic - get thee to a doctor first. He can probably help you.

Answer 2

This is an easy one, hon....

First, Why did you have a child outside of marriage?????? Thought it would be romantic? It isn't, is it?

Secondly, here's what happened: You went from being the babe the hot chick, the huss, the sexy lady to mother and "housewife".... OMG!!!!!, a 180 if there ever was one. And he went from being the dude, the stud, and the hunk to dad, "husband", and provider, whether you are married or not.... (The state will recognize it as a marriage after 8 years anyway.) . These were roles you both really never thought about, and obviously never figured into your relationship, or you would have never had that child without more maturity and consideration. These are big, big, big adjustments even in couples prepared, and know that this will happen. You two figured, from your language here, that having a baby would be romantic.... it ain't, is it?

Your other respondents have already given you a hint, {you need counseling but not told you why you need it. Now you do know why you need it...and if you hope to save this relationship, and not become just another statistic of an unwed mother., the two of you will get a few sessions to understand how this happened, and what you can now do about it.... The pattern then is an unwed single mom becomes so desperate for a guy, that she'll get pregnant again, just to trap him, and he'll stay 3-5 maybe, and then back again.... read some of these questions on here...... ) PS Don't have any more children until you are better prepared, and a little older................}

Good luck, hon

Answer 3

I think this happens to alot of women after they have a baby you just kind of lose your interest because you're so exhausted with taking care of baby and keeping everything else going that the last thing on your mind is sex try to get some good rest everynight and keep your stress level about everything else down and that might help a little but i cant say that it will ever go back to the same as it was before having the baby life just changes priorities change and he will have to accept that

Answer 4

Is it BF or is it Husband that make's a very big difference in the relationship concept. BUt really maybe it is time to get a babysitter and spend the night just the two of you on the town.

Just a thought are you concerned on where the relationship is going?.
If he is just a BF will he ever propose?
Sometimes women go through a period of depression after pregnancy and the birth maybe it is time to speak to your physician.
Maybe you are also concerned about getting el prego again so soon?
Just tell your man that you are just not in the mood at this time and you will let him know when you feel like messing around.

Congrats on the baby and God Bless and Best Wishes.

Answer 5

Jeez,

It takes effort, In order to make it fun again, you have to try regularly not the once every 2 months stuff, but every other night under it becomes habit.

Kids change the sex rules in the house, you have to work around their sleeping and I can only tell you it gets worse with teens. That said you have to do it. Intimacy for us guys is in the form of physical connection. Get something sexy on and play dress up. There are many good "books" or yes even seeing a counselor a few times to get over the "hump" (pardon the pun) might help.

Answer 6

I would suggest the you make an appointment with your doctor. Sometimes after a woman has a baby her hormones and body chemicals don't return to normal and this could account for your lack of sexual interest in your boyfriend. There could be other issues also, but first rule out a medical issue. Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 7

Go to your doctor. You could be suffering from post-partum depression. This type of depression usually is triggered by giving birth and can last a short or very long time.

A lot of women lose their libidos (sex drive) after having a baby. Go to your doctor and take your b/f with you.

Good luck!

Answer 8

I think that it is a reason for it, that you know deep down inside.
Would you have sex, with the man of dreams?
Is it just with him?
It seems like something that you are going through that you are going to have deal with that may be something that you don't want to bring to the surface.
Try counseling to get help for this because this will greatly effect your relationship.

Answer 9

The first thing i would do is visit my gynecologist and have some bloodwork done to make sure it is not hormonal. If the bloodwork is ok, then talk to a counselor about possible depression, etc. post-partum despression can show its ugly head after the baby is months old. good luck.

Answer 10

You need to work something out..maybe go to counseling, alot of time women get scared about having sex after a baby due to they dont want to get pregnant again. But you need to find out what it is about him that turns you off.