My husbadn of 3 years, 7 years together (2 kids, and 1 on the way) has decided to rekindle his relationship w/ a girl he had a 1 night stand with 3 months ago. He at first had no feelings for her, but now that she came back in the picture, he has devolped an infatuation with her that has led him to leave me, and run off with her. This happened just two weeks ago, although they stared seeing eachother again about 3-4 weeks before he left me. They just signed the lease of their new apartment, and now I have to allow my kids over his house and in that situation. I am devoted to him, and am praying constantly for God to restore him, and heal him so that not only may he come back to me, but come back a better man, because of the process he is going through. I would take him back in a heartbeat if he was truly a changed man, and commited to couneling. I am trying to KILL him with kindness, I even packed up somefood for him at their new apartment because he said he didnt have any. He thanked me for being there and happy for him, but truth be told its a front. However it allows me to put up the act that I dont want him back, which is supposed to give lead to him seeing what he is really missing. Like I said its only been two weeks, but its been hell for me. I am so very hopeful he comes back to me, how do I hang in there faithfully beliving in my marriage, when all evidence points to him not returning?
2007-04-11 07:16:42 · 24 answers · asked by AntzaGurl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a newly wed, and have never experienced this before. But maybe showing him that you do want him would be benificial to you. Going to counceling would be the best for you two with a christian councelor. Maybe just show him that you do want him and are willing to forgive him for what he has done. You don't have take your kids to his new apartment. What that is going to do is confuse them and make it more difficult for them. Take it from a kid from a broken home. Going to my dads house with his other girlfriend there was hard. I didn't like seeing another woman with my dad. You need to make a strong foundation for your children. Suggest that your husband come over to your home if he wants to see the kids. There is no court order, so you don't have to make them go there if you don't want to. Do what is best for your kids. Do you want to expose them to this and let them think that it is ok for daddy to live with another woman?
You need to show him that he isn't going to get the same things as if he were living at home while he is with his mistress. Otherwise he is going to think that it is perfectly ok with you (like it seems he already does). And its not ok. When he married you he vowed to be with you and no other for the rest of your lives. Hold him up to that.
What my mom had to do was get over my dad since he wasn't coming home. And if that is what is going to happen with you, you are going to need to get over it and be there for your children. You have to be the mom and the dad at your home.
Best of luck.
P.S. Powerful things happen through prayer. Keep praying for him, cause thats all that you can really do in the long run.
2007-04-11 07:31:16 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a man that was married for 3 yrs. and I am a born again Christian. My ex-wife I found out she was cheating on me for approx. 6-9 mths. As soon as I found out I was at my attorneys the very next day. I did not tell her a thing. She obviously was crying uncontrollable because she wanted her cake and eat it to. I think our situations are similar, however we didn't have any kids. This guy does not deserve you. If a man or a woman breaks the bond of marriage by adultery, you are permitted to divorce. That is what I think you should do. Now you know after a couple of years he will want to be in the picture again. Hold to your own, I did, my ex cried to me and I did. You can get through this, ask of the Lord and see how good will come out of this for you. Jesus Loves You and he will take care of you.
2007-04-11 08:06:23 · answer #2 · answered by BOBBY M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really seems like you are doing all that you can spiritually. But in the bible God sometimes does let divorce happen. Keep praying for him that God makes him have a change of heart and turn away from sin. It looks like your a believer in your faith he is not. Pray for understanding in the situation and for God to show you the way that you are to go even if it is going through with the divorce. Stay strong in your faith hold tight to what you have, the rest of your family and go on with your life as if he was there. We all have pitfalls and stumbling blocks but the most important part is to remember is when we fall to get back up! Hopefully this helps. God bless.
2007-04-11 07:50:46 · answer #3 · answered by flex 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time - especially with children involved. First of all, STOP ENABLING HIS CHOICE! If he doesn't have food in the house, invite HIM to dinner with you and his children, but for pete's sake, DON'T SUPPORT THE OTHER WOMAN FOR HIM! Prayer and pastoral counseling is what you need. Secondly, you don't HAVE to allow your children to go to visit him at his place. You're not divorced; there's no court order; so if he wants to spend time with the children, he can visit them in the home the two of you shared - and WITHOUT his new girlfriend there. HE walked out on his family...that means YOU get to make the rules. Try to talk to him: see if the two of you can find the root of the problem. I'm not blaming you, but something must have contributed to him choosing this course of action. It's important to figure out what; if for no other reason, than for YOU to have peace of mind.
Keep praying for him. If you stick to your guns about only letting him visit the kids in your home and without his girlfriend, it will be more apparent to him what he's throwing away. Also, do NOT talk down about him around the kids; he may be a jerk, but he's still their father. You don't have to pretend everything is fine, but they should know that you both love them, regardless of what problems the two of you are going through. Hugs & prayers...
2007-04-11 07:44:17 · answer #4 · answered by Romans 8:28 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can hang in there hoping he comes back, but he will only come back when this girl gets tired of him. Do you honestly want him back after he has treated you with such disrespect? Love is blind, but please don't hang on to something that is harmful for your health. We can love someone with our whole heart, but it doesn't mean they will return that love. It is proven he wants someone else besides his family. No matter what you do right now he will not change his mind, you could do anything for him and he doesn't appreciate it, it is called using someone. I feel bad that this has happened to you and your children, but you can't make someone love you or return to the marriage. I would stop giving him and the new woman things, let them do for themselves. If someone shows you their true colors believe them the first time. Who is to say he comes back and then not do this again, such heartache it would be for you and the children. Love such never hurt and when it does it isn't a healthy love. I wish I had some magic words to make it better for you, but I don't. A man who would leave his family for a woman is not the kind of man who will be faithful. God doesn't intend for us to be unhappy like you are now, pray and ask him for guidance in your life. I know how it feels to love someone and they don't return it.
2007-04-11 07:59:38 · answer #5 · answered by Krinta 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's too early to tell whether or not his infatuation will last. This could easily go on for months before both of their hormones recede and they decide if they truly love each other. Are you really willing to wait that long?
Yes you need to have faith, however have you considered that you are really doing this for the kids instead? Can you really love him and trust him again. Most people who cheat (and women do it just as much as men) in a relationship have crossed a line that they are willing to cross again. I have very little faith in counseling as I have just never seen it work with anyone. Good luck on this one.
I'm here if you need someone to talk too.
2007-04-11 07:28:19 · answer #6 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep praying, only God can change his heart. Be honest with your husband, it may make a difference if he knows your true feelings otherwise he won't know he can come back if he wants. Be prepared that it may not happen because for some reason it may not work out, which would be really sad. God hates divorce(Deut 22:19; Mal 2:13-15) so work at it and pray.
2007-04-11 07:32:56 · answer #7 · answered by Layla 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. I know you want to do the right thing, so speak to your pastor, priest, whatever. Get guidance to help you with you and your children, but leave him out of it. Drop the nice act....file for a temporary custody order and NO your children do not have to be there. Put a clause in the decree that states that the children cannot spend the night if the other woman is there, and no PDA in front of them. Be a b i t c h for once....God forgives!
2007-04-11 07:29:23 · answer #8 · answered by Tangled Web 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not kill him with kindness. Don't do anything for him. The focus of your efforts should be on you. If you value the bible, what does it say about people that commit adultry. You don't. If you believe in your teachings, than this is not the man for you. You two made a promise to each other. What does that say about him, his values? You can't control him, but you can control what it is that you do. So focus on yourself, reevaluate the relationship, and what it is you want. Sometimes people change, but you need to find strength in you and support from loved ones.
2007-04-11 11:48:48 · answer #9 · answered by Need Answers 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand you have faith and you want him back, but he is not going to. he has already moved on. If you just give him kindness you have just given him the best worlds, and he will take what he can from you. Also you do not have to allow your kids to go there. No visitation order is in place. Plus you can petition visitations to have to be outside his relationship until your divorce is final. Just pray that God will heal your heart and let you move onto a healthier relationship
2007-04-11 07:28:46 · answer #10 · answered by debbie v 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋