How can I make my mom stop comparing my ex-husband to my new husband??

Question

I love my mom, I really do, but it's gotta stop. I've asked politely, pointing out that I've been divorced for nearly 2 years and I've happily moved on and remarried. Here's the deal: Actions, viewpoints, and expressions of my new husband are constantly compared by her to what my ex would have done/thought/said. He's not even in my life anymore, so there's no proximity that would be spurring on this obsession. When we talk on the phone (we live in diff't states), she feels the need to verbalize her compare and contrast exercises. I can't even go 2 weeks without this taking place at least once in a phone conversation. The last time I asked her to please stop doing that she acted upset. Well guess what. I am upset and tired of this. I don't want to CONSTANTLY be reminded of my first failed marriage through her unsolicited observations. How do I make her stop???

Answer 1

Tell her....."mom, I know this upsets you and I really don't want to do that, but what you are doing upsets me and you know this because I have asked you many times to stop. This is not acceptable anymore and I won't tolerate it another minute. Either you stop as of right now or I will stop all contact with you until you can understand and stop doing this. It is not fair to me or to my new husband"
I know this seems harsh, but sometimes its the only way.
Good luck with this and I hope it all works out for the best for you.

Answer 2

You said it best yourself:
PLEASE MOM, I don't want to CONSTANTLY be reminded of my first failed marriage through YOUR observations. It isnt helping my current marriage, and offends me deeply. Each time you begin to make a comparison, I will immediately end our conversation. I dont mean to offend you in any way. But this cannot continue. I cant and wont accept it. Please work with me on this, mom.

I bet she will be able to accept your plea. I wish you the very best!

Answer 3

Stop talking to her..I stopped talking to my mother for about 1 year, after she didn't get the hint that I didn't need to be remined of my husbands past anymore..it worked out for the best.

Answer 4

My husbands mom did this to me for years too and it needs to stop b/c eventually it will blow up in all your faces. he shouldnt have to deal with that at all and all it will do is put a huge strain on your marriage and relationship with your mom. You need to give her an ultimatum. Stop or she doesnt see you, plain ans simple

Answer 5

You can't make her stop. Just ignore her comments and go about the business of loving your new husband.

Some people will just never understand why you love your new husband and your mother is one of those people.

If you are happy , that's all that matters.

Answer 6

Don't ask anymore. Tell her you do not want to hear one more comparison between your current husband and your ex husband. If she starts doing it, just say, I'm sorry you can't respect my wishes with regards to comparions, good bye.

Answer 7

Tell her you don't want her to come over anymore until she can respect your request. Tell her how really upset it makes you and this is what you have to do in order for her to stop.

Answer 8

Tell her to mind her own business....seriously. Tell her if she is so in love with your ex, go marry him and she will soon enough find out why you got divorced!

Answer 9

tell mom your over it and she needs to be, and ask her why your life is so interesting to her, does she not have one of her own. tell her to go get a life and stay out of yours, your an adult now and would appreciate if she didn't try to treat you like a child.

Answer 10

Compare her to your ex-mother-in-law or current mother-in-law. Tell her at first this is what you are going to do, then do it. Every time she brings up your ex, bring up your mother-in-law or ex-mother-in-law and compare her to them. She'll stop.