My friend needs advice about her sex life and I don't know what to tell her...?

Question

She says she loves her husband with all her heart , she doesn't find him sexualy attractive anymore. She says she feels like it's living with a room mate! Is there any way she can feel more sexual to him?

Answer 1

Well, I disagree with the others.

I think she's better off talking to you rather then him.

Unless she has concrete things she wants him to do differently, just saying 'I don't find you attractive any more ... yeah, I don't know why' is not going to improve her marriage.

Now, if she had specific things she wanted to do, fine, talk, but simply expressing vague crushing complaints about your partner really don't strengthen the marriage. Come on people.

Now some of the other ideas are worth pursuing. Is it him, or her? DOes she find _anyone_ sexually attractive now? Is she masturbating? Is her sex drive still high, just not for him, or does she have no drive?

Has he gained weight? Does he dress differently? Has he become too domesticated?

If they have time alone together, does she loosen up and enjoy it, or does she dread it and avoid romantic situations where she'd be expected to have sex?

I guess there's also the hormonal possibility too.

Answer 2

Is it possible they're both caught up in their daily routine and forget what attracted them to each other in the first place? Many relationships go through ups and downs. Sometimes they can't keep there hands off each other and other times they can't stand the sight of each other. That doesn't mean they don't love each other.

Suggest to your friend that she look back at what attracted her to him in the first place. Think about the excitement of the first time they were together intimately. She can schedule date nights to try to get the passion back. He may be feeling the same thing and not know what to do about it. How long have they been married? Has he put on weight and stopped taking care of himself? Is he all that different from when they first met?

They need to talk about what's missing. She needs to voice her feelings to him and ask for his feedback. This can be done in a way that is non-threatening. She can ask him for ideas of how they can spice up their sex life. I'm sure he has a few ideas. They need to openly communicate and work together to get the passion back. If the love is there, the sex will be back. They have to work at it together.

Answer 3

she should be talking to HIM not you. And she should be in marriage counseling.

The "heat" in a marriage ebbs and flows over time. We don't always "feel" attracted to our mates. Especially when you live with them day after day and see all their "grossities". Dating is exciting because of the "unknown" factor. When you get married, it's all out in the open. So it's more of a challenge to keep the fire going.

Marriage is a commitment. It means perservering even when the "feelings" are not there. I would encourage your friend to stop and remember all the things that attracted her to her husband in the first place. Instead of thinking of him hanging out in his jockey shorts picking navel lint out of his belly button on the sofa.....(it's not a very sexy site).

She may have to be the one to take some initiative and find things that excite her about him.

Maybe the problem isn't him, maybe it's her. Has she had a check up lately? Are her hormones out of wack? Did they have a kid recently? Does she feel good about herself?
We women have lots of things in our lives that effect our sex drive. She should rule out physical things first, then take a personal assessment of her own life. Is she happy with herself? If that part needs work, she might start there and find that when she feels better about herself, she is more likely to have "sexy" feelings toward her husband....

Of course, he could just be a sloth and have completely become gross since they got married. That's a whole different conversation! ;)

Answer 4

This is typical. Many couples have kids or work hard or both, and they stop touching their partner every day. They stop doing the little things like holding hands with their spouse (especially true if they have kids' hands to hold) and so on.

Then the marriage becomes friends more, less romantic.

I suggest your friend TALK to her dh. Have them sit down with a bottle of wine and discuss everything that would increase their physical relationship. Maybe list their fantasies, their likes and dislikes. THEN...set a date night. Date night must NOT be tv or something else that occupies their thoughts. Plan for s*x. Talk about it, send eachother notes on what you want to do that night. Act like lovers!

It's always, always best to look at what YOU can do in a problem, rather than listing what he can do.

Good luck

Answer 5

Is the problem with your friend or with her husband?

Has she had a recent physical? How old is she? Sometimes a chemical imbalance or stress can effect sexual desire? Does she find other men attractive - ie is it her whole sexual drive or just her feelings about her husband?

What is he doing to make himself sexy? Is he still attentive? Is he staying in shape - making her feel wanted?

Too many unknowns to give specific advice but she should explore physical reasons - emotional ones - and his efforts

Answer 6

Dose she have pressures that weigh heavy on her? Work, stress, kids? It is possible that she may be in a state of depression, or have a chemical imbalance. It would alter her mood or sexual desire.

It is also quite possible that she is bored with their sex life. There is no zip, no zing, no surprise. Tell her to change things up a bit, start with an out of town trip, just the two of them, then change things around from the routine they are in.
Her husband may also need to showw desire in her, sho her that he wants her, which could lead toward her wanting him, increasing her desire.

Answer 7

She needs to think back and see what attracked her to him in the first place (doesn't have to be physical reasons, but why she liked and married him). Marriage is not a24/7/365 love fest - it takes work, sometimes hard work. There will be ups and downs. The ups are great, but the down times is when we start to become selfish and think about ourselves. Have her talk to him. She may not be as attractive as when she married him either. Love isn't about looks, appearance, or desire - it is about the person.

Answer 8

You need to tell her that if she has a problem in her marriage, the solution lies within the marriage, NOT by bringing outside friends into the problem as well. The only outside person that should be privy to marriage problems is a counselor or therapist, or a minister or other clergy. NOT friends.

Imagine how her husband will feel when he finds out that she's been running around, telling other people that she's not turned on by him anymore...talk about a ego killer.

Simply refuse to discuss it with her. End of story.

Answer 9

It sounds like a conversation that she needs to be having with her husband, since I doubt you'd be able to solve this one. The two of them need to be honest with each other so that they can hopefully figure out what the problem is and resolve it. The only thing you can really do (especially if you can't really give her advice on this subject) is to listen and be a good friend to her.

Answer 10

she needs to search within herself and find out what it is that she doesn't find appealing anymore....is their intimacy together 'the same position? the same room? just the same same same all the time??" that could put a wedge between her and her husband.......perhaps if she tried to spice things up a bit......use her imagination.....do something spontanious...out of the ordinary with him to spark things up again in the bedroom.
If she doesn't find him sexually attractive anymore..has he gained alot of weight? does he not feel sexy within himself? does she think he might be having a fling on the side so is tired and just doesn't want to have sex when he gets home?? or is it just all= the same thing over and over???????
These are questions only she can answer......GOODLUCK*